Sorry I had to write again..

I really do not understand why am I so scared..
I do not like this sinking feeling and I feel so... Words cannot describe how I feel at the moment.
It's like my world is changing and I'm getting left behind and thrown away.
I am so upset that it's not even funny.
I will literally burst into tears if I can but sadly I don't cry. EVER!

I am confused.
I am messed up.
I do not know what I want.
I feel lonely, lost.
I feel like everything I ever knew is so distant.
So out of reach.

I do not like change. Hate it. Despise it.
I DO NOT adapt well to it. AT ALL.
It makes me anxious.
It makes me irritated.
It makes me scared.
It makes me insecure.
It makes me feel strange about myself when my best friend changes.
It gets worse when she changes into someone I dont even know anymore.

I feel like the world's greatest fool.
I'm not sure why.
I feel dumb.
I would like to punch something so hard.
I would like someone to tell me some things will never change.

Don't toss me into a strange land
Where the buildings and places are as familiar as a pair of old jeans
While the people I once knew are once again strangers
against my will

I looked around with fearful eyes
Nothing was familiar,
Nothing was the same
I would hide in my corner
And pretend it was a all dream

No, I do not fear changes
But I fear the things that changes bring about
I do not know if I would lose
Or gain
I have nothing much left
As I have nothing to start off with
I do not wish to lose
For it is painful
And my heart could not take the pain any longer

I blame me..

You are obviously happier now that I'm not a big part of your life.

I am in another place now.

You smile, you laughed, you even make jokes.

I should have left sooner. I'm sorry.

Confused

The floor is like literally disappearing..
The world is dissolving into nothing because nothing makes sense anymore.
I thought I knew things but apparently everything changed so I know nothing now.
I knew her but I don't think I know anymore.
She says stuff that I know will not be said if it was to me.
So many things I knew, turns into something else.

I thought she listened last time.
But thinking back, I was doing all the listening and everything I told her seem to always go back to her.
When is it about me? I dont remember at all.
She never asked how I was doing.
I was always the one telling her stuff about my life.

She was never excited about anything I tell her.
Stuff that other people said makes her laugh?
What? How is it fair? To me?
Does she even value our friendship?
Or am I the one holding onto something that is likely to drift away?

One thing sucks is that
I never learn after all the mistakes I've made with friendships.
I always end up picking myself up and watching the other going the other way,
Mend because of me
When am I going to learn how to live alone and NOT make friends?
That way, I won't get hurt.
Fuck this shit.

C H A N G E

Change always happen. I know. It sucks when it happens and you DO NOT expect that to happen. You are not ready for it and you feel out of place. Sometimes it's not that you are left behind. It just that you are not influenced that much by your surroundings. When your best friend changes, it's not always a bad thing. But it is quite sour when they slowly change from someone you know like the back of your hand to someone you dont really know anymore. Screw change and the fucking wrong timing.

Slacker's repentence

I acknowledge the fact that I have been spending too much time on Facebook and on the internet. I admit that I had wished that I could throw my books away and run away with playtime instead of picking them up and ACTUALLY reading it. I should have put glue on maa butt and stick myself in front of my desk and ACTUALLY FOCUS.I will look at my books and ACTUALLY pick up my pen to make notes and not doodles. I will flip the dictionary to look for words that I do not understand instead of looking for words that look cool. I will use my cell to text friends to ask about the ACTUAL school homework slash stuff and not to chit chat.  I will try ma best this time to not obverse the bumpy surface of the wall and be distracted by anything that is in my........

OHH LOOK CRAAAAYOOOONNNNSSSSS!!!!!

Epic bad day ever.

Got results that are disappointing. To me
Lost the results slip in about two hours. How embarrassing.
Best friend not here. Ehh...

Wish it was over as soon as possible.

The current song stuck in maa headd....

All Time Low
The Wanted


Praying won't do it
Hating won't do it
Drinking won't do it
Fighting won't knock you out
Of my head

Hiding won't hide it
Smiling won't hide it
Like I ain't tried it
Everyone's tried it now
And failed somehow

So when you gonna let me
When you gonna let me out - Out

And if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
Seems like peace is
The only thing I'll never know
How do you get up
Get up

‘Cos driving won't do it
Flying won't do it
Denying won't do it
Crying won't drown it out
What you said

When I'm standing on the yellow line
Waiting at the station
Or I'm late for work
A vital presentation
If you call me now girl
Without reservation
I would try to break through

But if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
It seems like peace is
The only thing I never know
How do you get up from an all time low
I can't even find a place to start
How do I choose between my head and heart
Till it ceases I never know
How do you get up from an all time low

A low, (repeat)
Can you hear me
A low (repeat)
Can't you hear me

And if you know…
Repeat chorus

Dishwashing..

Dishwashing is a numbing thing to do.. When I start washing dishes, my mind turns off and it wanders away. Then about 10-15 minutes later, everything's done. Yay..

It is a time when you can think and enjoy the silence. At least it is for me.

Bugs have feelings too, you know

I just killed an ant.

I wonder how do bugs feel when you killed another bug. It might be their best friend or their brother, or their sister or their mum or dad or.. Or... Or... The list goes on.Do they cry? Do they get sad? Do they want to take revenge(like they're gonna get it)?

I really wish they dont have emotions. I'm not mean but it would be better for them because everyday, a lot of people killed a lot of bugs both intentionally and unintentionally. It will be hard for the to hold a funeral or something because some bugs are literally in pieces.I simply cannot imagine them running around, trying to pick up the pieces of the body and glueing them back together? Ugghhh...

I feel bad when I kill bugs. I imagine myself having someone close to me DEAD AND IN PIECES. But then, a mosquito bit me. Sad feeling ovaaaaaa.... IMMA KILL YOU FOR BITING ME!!

HE-HEEEE!!
:P

Blah..

Had  wonderful day with myy best friend.. She's the best :)
She brought me a little something for me because it has been one year. I love her :D She knows that already hahahahahaha...

We won cheerleading yesterday. It was awesome because our hard work paid off :)

For me, things have been crappy..

I may be going back to school for top up class during the weekend.. Ughhh.. At least I am studying.. Right?

MS project is pissing me off.. I really dont like MS.

Reasons I dont like MS:
1. It is the past. I am taught to look forward.
2. You can't change it.
3. You have to memorise it.
4. It is not a story.
5. It's about politics which i have no interest of.
6. It is the past.
7. There's really no point in studying the past..
8. The future does not change even when you know about the past.
9. I t does not relate to me in any way.

I need to finish the project even if I dont want to..
So yeahh..
Bye.

Gahhh..

I am very tired.
I have a lot of projects.
I have cheer practice.
I am having a headache.
I feel like crap.

I like his smile.
I like his eyes.
I like how we can talk and never run out of topic.
I like how he's himself.
I like how he doesn't walk to fast when we're walking together.
I like how his smile makes my stomach do flips.

But, last sentence,
I'm soooooooooo out of my league.

Joy

Definition of joy

It is a baby laying his cheek on his mother's face while playing with her hair with a smile on his face.
It is a child playing with his toy car while making "vroom vroom" sounds.
It is a girl drawing in the living room while listening to her mother cooking in the kitchen.

It is waking up in the morning with a smile on your face while being grateful for the air you breathe.
It is lying on the grass and watching the clouds roll by.
It is being able to sit anywhere without fearing of being seen.
It is walking and singing at the same time with a smile on your face.

It is dancing in the rain with soaking wet clothes.
It is singing in the shower like there's no tomorrow.
It is loving others like you've never been hurt before.

It does not need money.
It does not need time.
It does not require energy.
In fact, it does not require much.

It is gratefulness  for everything you have.
It is appreciation for the little things that happen in life.
It is being able to smile while facing difficult situations.
It is embracing both the good and the bad.

It takes very little.
In fact, it does not take much.
Just a smile, a big heart
A different outlook in life, a refusal to be beaten down
And that has made the difference.

Just look below

Today has been blazing hot

Hotter than the furnace

Maybe hotter than anything ever

With the hot wind blowing

No one would ever think about other stuff

Except the heat

There were stuff running through my mind

Stuff that has been there for a while now

How I wish I could erase them

Or just forget them

I stared into space

And let my mind wander

There were voices and thoughts

Like hornets, bees

They gave me no peace, no silence

Telling what I should do

Telling me what's right or wrong

I closed my eyes

And tried to take control

But they were loud, stronger

Overpowering me 

Leaving me to deal with things

I've been hiding for so long

I will not cry

Nor will I be weak

I will fight

 For myself, my sanity

I am fine

I need no one to help me

I am strong

I will not be beaten

I will not stumble 

Nor will I be knocked down

I am fine

I'm drowning

I am fine

I'm losing grip

I am fine

I am fine

I am not fine, not fine..

Ehhh....

I had fun during our basketball match against purple.. :D 

Which is a really good thing, hehehehehehe...

After the match, we have cheer practice so basically I feel like my legs are literally going to fall off. My arms too. Basically, I feel like my whole body's going to fall apart man!!! It dos nat feel gud at ALLLL!!!!

Today was good and I'm happy :D

Random thoughts of the moment:

1. I feel like a penguin.

2. I walk like a penguin.

3. I am hungry all the time.

4. Why am I gaining weight even though I'm like playing sports almost every week for these two months??

5. My hair is wet.

6. I am sleepy.

7. My back and whole body hurts.

8. Owwhhh...

9. It's a nice day.

10 FUTSALLL TOMORROW!!! Let's go baby!!!

11. I think I better sleep or else I'm going to faint in the first few lessons...

12. Ehhhhh.........

Night people

It HAS been a nice day indeed ;D

Imma bulldozer..

I feel bad.
I knocked down people.
Basketball match.
Figures right?
I didn't want to hurt anyone... *sighhh*

My back hurts.
My legs are sore.
My knees are scratched.
I'm so tired.
I have 3 assignments due next week.

I just want to sleep and sleep.

'Nuff said today.

I'll just continue writing my summary for my English article now :)

Co-operation people!!!!!

How do people not understand the importance of co-operation???
It is working together..
How hard is that to understand??


It makes things easier..
It helps you complete tasks or assignments faster..
It reduces your leaser's stress..
You are less likely to be frustrated..
You are happier..


Easy Pesy..


Okay???


SO PEOPLE!!!! CO-OPERATE!!!!


'Nuff said.. Sorry.. :/


<3