Little pleasures in life: Soft, good quality tissue papers when you have a cold

I have a cold. My nose was running the whole day, I was coughing up phlegm. It was a pretty sight. All I wanted to do is to not move and just be sick, which is what I did. Half of my toilet roll is gone now because of the flu. Earlier during the day, I went to Watson's to get pocket tissues. No way I was getting better in a day, I figured that I would need the tissues for classes and stuff.

Now my tissue roll is down to like 15 or 16 more "roll" before it finishes. So, I'm saving that for when I need to do my business in the toilet. Mind you, my nose is really red and raw from all the blowing and the rubbing and sniffling. It's just really sensitive now. The tissue roll's texture is quite rough so it made my nose raw from all that.

When I used the new tissue papers that I bought from Watson's, I was so happy. Yes, I am happy because the tissue paper is soft. For those who have a cold, it gives you so much comfort when you use a tissue that is soft, especially if you've been sniffling and everything for the whole day.

There is a tissue stuffed up my nose as I am writing this. It's so comfortable and soft. You will not understand this unless you have a cold and really want a break from the tissue but can't.

So, buy soft tissues when you're sick. It might not be much but it makes your sick day a little less annoying. :)

Things that I found to be true after 21 years of living.

1. Eating good food everyday is not exactly a blessing, indigestion follows closely after that.
2. It should make a difference when someone loves you.
3. Good teachers may not necessarily be good people.
4. Apologizing always eases the tension after a fight.
5. You will always remember the people that you used to love. You will remember every detail of how you come to stop loving them. It will still hurt you, even if you're over it.
6. You will have dreams of killing people that pissed you off in real life, it's okay.
7. It's also okay to want a goat, an alpaca and a flying carpet.
8.You may stray a little growing up but you will go back to doing what you love. For me, it's writing and reading.
9. Growing up is shit. And very painful.
10. You will really REALLY love a person. They will eventually screw you over because that's what people do.
11. Being friends with yourself is nice, you don't really go wrong there.
12. Don't fall in love because everyone else had someone. You don't need anyone, you can survive very well on your own.
13. Make new friends, they can change and probably save your life.
14. Invest in a hobby, You're doing it for you, there's nothing wrong with that.
15. It's okay to want to punch people in the face but it's not okay if you actually do it. I'm sure you're not sorry after doing it.
16. It's okay to want to make people hurt just like how they hurt you. It will help you grieve.
17. It's okay to kiss guys and girls, as long as they don't belong to someone.
18. Writing is good for the soul, well, your soul. I don't know about other people.
19. It's okay to not love someone who loves you. If it's not there, it's not your fault.
21. It's okay to not follow the order of numbers because it's my blog, fuck you.
22. Everyone has their own stories of happiness and loss. Listen because they help you understand life more.
23. You can do so much more than you want to give yourself credit for. Don't be fucking modest, they get you nowhere.
24. You will want to change for someone, you will not want to listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. It's cool, you'll come back.
25. There will be days where you want to stay in bed, then stay in bed, play Sims 3 and starve.
26. Swearing is not okay or polite but you will start swearing because everyone is swearing. You will continue swearing because you won't know how to fucking stop swearing.
27. Sadness will always be a comfort zone and you will not be able to understand it but you will get out of it, slowly.
28. There will be days where you would want someone to love you but it's still cool if you don't feel like that two hours after.
29. Loving a guy is cool, loving a girl is cool too. You're able to love, unlike Voldermort.
20. The best "day" of your life will be a collection of moments that you don't want to forget: The way someone looks at you. The way that someone smiled at you. That day when you laughed so hard that you thought you beat depression. The day where you are happy to be alive.
30. Birthdays aren't all that special. It's just how you see the birth of yourself. YOU. Not anyone else, so congratulate yourself for making it this far. I would know, my birthday was just yesterday.

Love, unconditional.

There are all sorts of love in this world. The one that I'll focus on now is the unconditional kind, the kind that will always make you care no matter what. It's the kind that you know will never change, just the way you show it.

It is mature but knowing when to laugh at the childish stuff. It is protective but trusting them enough to let them venture out. It is not forceful but you know when to talk senses into them when they make a decision. It is observant but you step in when you need to. It is just loving the person no matter what happens between you two. It is wanting the best for each other, always being there no matter what and just trusting that they won't ever leave you. The most important thing is that they are happy, no matter what. It is a big bet and a big risk, it will hurt at some point but it takes a few cracks while using time as a catalyst to make it stronger.

You can't learn how to love people unconditionally. There is no complete checklists. There are certain traits to it but things and circumstances change so it's not absolute but I assure you that you WILL know when you love someone unconditionally because you feel it.

\

I saw you laughing with them. You were so happy. My eyes lingered on you, I know I will pay for it later which is what I am currently doing. You looked beautiful, big smiles and all. It was a nice scene to witness. I gave myself a small smile. Yep, definitely feel it coming. It was worth it, I guess. 

And I looked away.

Highlight of the month.

The is perhaps the highlight of the month for me. It's like an inside joke but I would like to share it.

So last night, Francine was telling how gained weight and how she has a double chin now. So she sort of like do the "double chin" face.

I asked her, "How many chins do you have?"

She said, "Two," pointing to the double layers of skin and fat under her actual chin.

I said, with a big grin on my face, "Two chins." Then, I pointed at myself, "One," and I pointed at Tim, "Two."

She just looked at me, completely baffled and she burst out laughing and I was laughing so hard too. It was a really good lame joke, in my opinion.

The joke is that both Tim and my last name is Chin. So, it's sort of like pun joke.

Made my day :) Doesn't happen often but it's nice when things like this happens.

Oh, we're going to watch Insidious 2. Die.

Tired, physically.

This is just an update. If you ask me why am I updating, it's because dumb ass, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want.

I am tired. My head hurts. My left foot is swollen and the throbbing feeling does not help, at all.

It has been a day full of happenings, there was stress in the radio club due to issues. I was busy, we had things to figure out. I cooked dinner for myself and ate on the floor of my room in silence.

It was not the typical day. Well, it was but it was just busy.

Yknow what's the good thing about today and the days before?

My mind is quiet.

When I wake up recently, I don't have to beg myself to not die. Nothing hurts like it always did. It's a very calming thing for me because for the last few weeks, I've been waking up with the feeling of walls caving on me. And I literally begged myself to breathe and breathe and breathe until the voices in my head stopped.

Then again, they never stop, they just become a hum in the background when I'm distracted or busy. They come back when I don't realize it or I didn't have my walls high enough.

You'd ask what voices. It's not like someone is talking to you. For me, it's a repetition of some specific song lyric or a thought or thoughts. It just plays on loop for as long as it wants to until I fall completely into its trap and I just.. die.

Anyway, I shall have a snack and sleep.

Like I've said, too tired and I should treasure this silence in my head as much as I can because I don't know when the voices will be back.

Angels on earth

And I started crying after reading this.

I know exactly who this person is in my life :)

"You're beautiful. Please stop."

I found this on Facebook. It helps and even though I've never heard people say this to me, it still means the world to see that people like Peter exist.

Difference: Drawing vs Writing

All has been well. And I am quite glad.

For some reason, some things are not easy but some people help you get through it without knowing that they're doing it.

I met this girl in school. She's a happy person. I simply cannot imagine her getting so mad that she would just explode like me. By being herself, always happy, optimistic, she somehow reminds me of that side of the world that I have forgotten. The side where everything good is, where things are brighter and somehow everything is going to be okay even at times that you don't feel like it.

She gives me hope. She reminds me to smile. I like hanging out with her because I am convinced that she likes having me around and to some point, I too believe that I am a nice person to be around with. Well, I'm not sure if I am but it's nice to believe that even if it's just for a little while.

She reminds me that I am okay, if not, will be okay. She reminds me that loving is not a bad thing. She reminds me of the good things that come with loving someone just when I am almost this close to giving up on everything. She reminds me that there is another life outside the mental cage that I lock myself in. She makes me feel like I'm a good person, like I am worth giving attention to.

She gave me strength stand back up by just having hope in everything that I stop believing in. It is like a refreshing supply of energy when I'm with her. Her innocence reminded me of how I should be even after being stripped away of happiness. She just makes me want to be a better person

I am not going to introduce her yet. I think it's too soon now. I think it's dangerous to feel so much in such a short while. It scares me because everything that I am feeling makes me vulnerable and I am basically handing her the weapon to hurt me. Plus, it might scare her off but she is an amazing person.

I need something new, something good and a chance to start over. God, being the know-it-all that we know he is, brought her into my life just for that purpose. I am thankful to God for her. She makes me smile and she makes me want to be better.

So yeah, enough ranting about the people I've met. I am supposed to be drawing for my design class. I still prefer writing to drawing because everything that I wrote above, you can't draw everything in one drawing.

Writing FTW!

Little things: Kindness

Meet Jason Kam.

I met him during the Swedish House Mafia Concert.

Why does he have a post?

Because I don't ever want to forget why I enjoyed this concert 

and how he made me feel less alone during the entire concert.

Like I've said, I met him at the concert.

He was standing beside me and we talked.

He was the only person that I knew that was around me when the concert started.

They.. Well, we got separated

and they really.. didn't bother to pull me next to them. I guess.

They *I believe* think that I will be fine

because getting separated is not something you can avoid.

*breathe*

Wow, really?

You guys didn't even try to get me next to you.

Yeah, not a big deal.

Oh shit. Why did I bring this up?

And now, it hurts all over again.

*deep breathe*

Anyway, when the concert started, I was literally alone.

When I saw that he was still next to me,

I was secretly grateful. Like sincerely grateful.

He would randomly look at me and smile during the concert.

Sometimes, he would tap my shoulder and ask if I'm okay and vice versa.

I caught him looking at me a few times.

He was the person that I partied with during the whole concert.

I expected my best friend to be the one who I'll be shouting song lyrics with,

dancing and pointing at the sky with,

to jump up and down and stamp on each other toes with.

She was.. Occupied.

And no, it was him.

Halfway during the concert,

he told me that he'll be right back 'cause he had to look for his brother.

I couldn't say, "No, stay here!"

I nodded and shouted, "Okay!" over the music.

I really didn't expect him to come back.

I was sad to see him go. 

I remember telling myself,

if he's not back after two songs and if I am tired, I'll leave.

Like I've said, I didn't expect him to come back

but I still turned my head to check.

And to my surprise, he was already smuggling through the crowd

trying to get back to the spot next to me.

All I could think of was

"You came back for me."

I was sincerely happy to see him.

He was my companion for the concert

and he came back.

I expected him to leave or go to his friends but no.

He was next to me for the next 6 hours.

Near the end of the concert, I was honestly tired.

All I wanted to do is sleep.

I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and it was him.

He told me he was going to the toilet.

I really didn't want to be there alone and I needed water.

So, I left the party zone to buy water.

After going to the toilet, he came back, to me.

I am still confused why he stuck by me when there are better people to be around with.

Then, the concert was over.

Time to look for the people who really didn't care about where I was , LOL!

I would write out why they HAD to look for me

but I guess I'll never forget even if  I don't write it down.

I found my friends as he found his.

Of course, we walked with out friends.

Mine were a pair who were dating.

They were holding hands and stuff, which I don't mind.

But it's like they didn't even notice my existence.

They were engaged into their lovey-dovey conversation.

They only talked to me for the 5 secs because they needed water.

And then, I was left alone again.

I was walking beside them, or at least trying to.

But I had never felt so isolated.

And then, I stopped trying to make myself look like I am with them.

I just stopped trying entirely.

I lagged behind them, putting distance between us just because it's easier to focus on my own steps.

Left. Right. Left Right. Ouch, Loose Rock, Skip.

just because it hurts less not trying.

 I remember looking up, desperately trying to push away the pain, 

desperately trying not to feel.

I saw him looking back.

He was a few feet in front of my friends and he was searching, 

for me.

I knew that because when his eyes meet mine, he smiled.

He stepped to the side and waited for me to pass him.

When I did, he walked with me.

He said, "Follow me" and I obeyed.

Slowly, we pasted my friends and they followed us.

They were somehow really slow and we got separated.

But this time, I wasn't afraid of getting lost or anything 

 because he was with me.

It wasn't because I liked him or anything.

It was simply just because he was there when there wasn't anyone there

When I was with him, the pain left and I could breathe again.

He lead the road but he kept turning back to make sure that I was following him.

Then, to avoid him from straining his neck,

I held on to his shoulder.

He was okay with that, so I held on and never let go.

When my hand did slip off, he immediately turned his head over to see if I'm still there.

He guided me out of Sunway Lagoon, walked me out of the entrance.

My friends were gone.

My phone had no bars so I couldn't call them.

He offered to call for me even when his phone is low of battery.

My friends picked up, they sound so pissed off at me.

They literally growled "Where are you!?"

I guess they were sleepy? 

Hah, yeah.

He had to meet his friends but I couldn't find mine.

I didn't want to keep him from his friends

and I knew the place well enough to find the entrance

but he insisted on staying with me until I found my friends.

Of course, his friends called and he had to leave but

not without telling me where I had to go to find my friends.

He asked me for my number and I gave him a hug goodbye

while thanking him again and again for being there the entire night.

I really feel the need to treat him to dinner 

because I feel like I owe the whole night to him

and also I get to see him again.

He never gave me a straight answer why he stayed with me the entire time

but I am entirely grateful for him.

Of course, I found my friends and we went back to the room that I rented,

Yeah, the reason why they HAD to look for me, LOL

It hurt the whole time but because of Jason,

it didn't hurt as much. 

I was stupid to think back and write about this

because it's a record of what caused what I was trying not to feel

but because I didn't want to forget what Jason did,

I wrote this.

It broke me to remember the painful details because I don't forget.

I see the little details and I remember every single thing.

It breaks me to think and remember about it

but I will not forget the guy who never left me and made my night.

I prayed to God before the concert because I know already what I would get from my friends.

I said, "Dear God, in times like these, I pray for safety to, during and from this concert.

I am not very religious but I know God answered my prayers by giving my Jason for the night.

I thank Jason and I thank God.

Enough ranting now.

I hope there are more people like Jason in the world because they make the world the go round by just being there.

Even though, I wished I didn't go to the concert due to obvious reasons but I am grateful that I did when I think of him.

Thank you, Jason, if you're "lucky enough" to read this, which means that I have humiliated myself.

But, thank you for being there when no one else was there

and for making me remember the importance of the little things like such.