Day 7 of 30 Day Poem Challenge: Take a walk until you find a tree you identify with, then write a poem using the tree as a metaphor for yourself or your life.

There were a lot of trees being cut down recently due to MRT construction. So, we went from having little shade to literally no shade. I feel no particular attachment to any of the trees but I get it? How charming, I get what a tree is.

I am a living, breathing being,
I was created for a reason, created for a purpose.
That might not be known for now, but
I'll do my best with this life I am given.

I will work hard and adapt.
So that, I can grow nowhere but up.
Let it be known that, I will not forget my roots, my morals and where I come from.
I will be as humble as the earthworm in the ground.
My head will be not be in the clouds without caution.
For storms, they can make you tremble or sometimes, even bring you to the ground
but don't forget your roots,
you can grow again, anew.

One day, when you are strong enough, wise enough,
you can bring comfort to those who were once like you,
small, new but growing.
I still don't know my purpose in life,
somehow I am content to live with whatever life throws at me.
I guess, the idea of living life to the fullest isn't such a bad idea.
That is if I never find out a greater purpose to my existence.

Challenge Day 6: Write Poetry: with “I remember sentences

Well, this Sarah Kay challenge is suppose to be an 8-day thing and I managed to make it a two-months thing. This is my first post in 2014 and not to be cliche. 2014 feels different, like there is hope..? I don't know, I just feel different by the near end of 2013 and in 2014, I feel like I can be on top of the world. It's almost like I have a choice to be invincible. It's an unbelievable feeling.

ANYWAYS,

Being away from home was the biggest challenge for me in 2013 and it was the biggest change of my life. it was my first time, dealing with something that is so drastic. I still feel homesick but the first time of this, it was terrifying. Going home has never felt so good in my life.

here is the poem.

I remember how it felt 
to pack up my books, my clothes,
pieces of myself,
my whole bedroom,
my existence into boxes,
luggage, which will be shipped off
to where I will spend the next three years of my life
trying to make something out of myself.

I remember how I felt
when I starting unpacking in my dorm room.
I remember not being able 
to fully understand where I was,
why I was doing and when I am going back.
I remember my dorm room, first, smelt of 
a mixture of mothballs and perfume.
I remember how hard it was for me 
to open the zipper of my luggage.

I remember sobbing,
I remember hyperventilating.
I remember mourning.
I remember hysterical crying, while calling my mum,
begging to come home.
I remember the city being a horrible and big place.
I remember that I was convinced that I will forever,
forever be lost.

I remember meeting new people, they were nice.
I remember how much people here have weird slangs, and again,
convinced that I will never like it.
I remember liking these new people and hating them at the same time.
I remember being jealous that they get to be at home, while it takes me
three hours to fly back home.
I remember crying after I said goodbye to my dad when he came to visit.
I remember always dreaming of home every day, every night.

Then,
I remember things getting better, it was easier to breathe.
I remember my best friend coming over, the city didn't seem so scary.
I remember trying to be okay, I miss home
I remember that I am here to make something out of myself, away from my comfort zone.
I remember that it was never meant to be easy, and I was doing okay.

I remember the first time I was able to fly back.
I remember how it felt to fly back.
I remember how it felt when I landed, smells like home.
I remember being home.
I remember being home.

Highlight of the month.

The is perhaps the highlight of the month for me. It's like an inside joke but I would like to share it.

So last night, Francine was telling how gained weight and how she has a double chin now. So she sort of like do the "double chin" face.

I asked her, "How many chins do you have?"

She said, "Two," pointing to the double layers of skin and fat under her actual chin.

I said, with a big grin on my face, "Two chins." Then, I pointed at myself, "One," and I pointed at Tim, "Two."

She just looked at me, completely baffled and she burst out laughing and I was laughing so hard too. It was a really good lame joke, in my opinion.

The joke is that both Tim and my last name is Chin. So, it's sort of like pun joke.

Made my day :) Doesn't happen often but it's nice when things like this happens.

Oh, we're going to watch Insidious 2. Die.

23/8/13 - the day before.

I've never told anyone this,

I am beyond terrified to go back to KL. That idea of being stuck in a room with someone that I hate. I hate my roommate, I hate her existence. I think partly it's because she reminds me of the solitude that I will be facing very soon. I am terrified of being stuck in a room with myself. Right now, packing seems to be physically painful and now all I want to do is run away. I know that putting back packing is not a good idea but that doesn't mean I want to do it. I seem to always be running endlessly away from something in slow motion in my dreams nowadays. Not a good feeling.

I know I don't seem to show that I care but truth to be told, I am scared. Not visibly. No, but I know that I am slowly shutting down.

it amazes me how beautiful some girls are and I'm just here trying to not look like a tablecloth.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Maybe because it's 4:16 am.
Maybe because I'm sentimental right now.
Maybe because I miss you.
Maybe because I'm feeling rather lonely right now.
Maybe be cause having you around makes me feel better.
Maybe because it's easier to talk to you.
Maybe because I miss home.
Maybe cause I just miss you.

\

When I see your picture, I know I can stare at it and be happy forever. I remember that moment when that picture was taken. I remember what we did, what we said, what we laughed at. I remember looking you and shaking my head, thinking that I am so lucky to have found another person who is as retarded as me. I remember where this was taken and where we're heading after that. I remember you, you were smiling and it was very beautiful to see that because you were upset during the week. I remember being very happy because everything was just like the beginning. I remember hugging you and you hugging back and then, we laughed because we felt like it. I remember laughing even harder when we saw the outcome of the rest of the pictures and we sat there deciding which are the best ones.

They say pictures are worth a thousand words. Maybe I just have a way with words. Maybe I just have a lot more to say when it comes to you because we were too ridiculous that everything, even running through the mall is funny. Maybe I just like to describe everything that I remember in that particular moment. Maybe, like I've said before, I just remember the little things more vividly.

Now I'm looking at the pictures again. I miss you. I am trying not to cry but yeah, I miss you. I know I can tell the stories that lead up to all the pictures but all I can say is that I just really love you. You're my best friend and I haven't seen or talk to you in a while and right now, I just really really wish you were here because I need someone to sit in silence with and maybe cry for a little bit. I know I'll see you soon but right now, I just wish you were here.

It's like I'm 15 again.

Hawthorne Heights - Rescue Me

Just breathe
The midnight air will do you well
Believe...
I miss your taste, I miss your smell
The past mistakes that brought you here 
Will break the fall for you, my dear
I'll ask the nurse for bandages
Don't send me on my way

Rescue me 
from everything, I 
just want to live, I 
wish I could breathe

Every other day
I sit and wait for same the bad news
Can you hear me say
"I've got nothing left to lose"
Someone please start making sense
And beg the lord for accidents
I've seen the worst case scenario
I'm slowly letting go
Rescue me 
from everything, I 
just want to live, I 
wish I could breathe
[x3]

Rescue me
from everything, I
just want to live, I
wish I could breathe (wish I could breathe)

Rescue me (rescue me)
from everything (everything), I
just want to live, I
wish I could breathe (wish I could breathe)

Rescue me (rescue me)
from everything (from everything), I
just want to live, I
wish I could breathe

Little things: Kindness

Meet Jason Kam.

I met him during the Swedish House Mafia Concert.

Why does he have a post?

Because I don't ever want to forget why I enjoyed this concert 

and how he made me feel less alone during the entire concert.

Like I've said, I met him at the concert.

He was standing beside me and we talked.

He was the only person that I knew that was around me when the concert started.

They.. Well, we got separated

and they really.. didn't bother to pull me next to them. I guess.

They *I believe* think that I will be fine

because getting separated is not something you can avoid.

*breathe*

Wow, really?

You guys didn't even try to get me next to you.

Yeah, not a big deal.

Oh shit. Why did I bring this up?

And now, it hurts all over again.

*deep breathe*

Anyway, when the concert started, I was literally alone.

When I saw that he was still next to me,

I was secretly grateful. Like sincerely grateful.

He would randomly look at me and smile during the concert.

Sometimes, he would tap my shoulder and ask if I'm okay and vice versa.

I caught him looking at me a few times.

He was the person that I partied with during the whole concert.

I expected my best friend to be the one who I'll be shouting song lyrics with,

dancing and pointing at the sky with,

to jump up and down and stamp on each other toes with.

She was.. Occupied.

And no, it was him.

Halfway during the concert,

he told me that he'll be right back 'cause he had to look for his brother.

I couldn't say, "No, stay here!"

I nodded and shouted, "Okay!" over the music.

I really didn't expect him to come back.

I was sad to see him go. 

I remember telling myself,

if he's not back after two songs and if I am tired, I'll leave.

Like I've said, I didn't expect him to come back

but I still turned my head to check.

And to my surprise, he was already smuggling through the crowd

trying to get back to the spot next to me.

All I could think of was

"You came back for me."

I was sincerely happy to see him.

He was my companion for the concert

and he came back.

I expected him to leave or go to his friends but no.

He was next to me for the next 6 hours.

Near the end of the concert, I was honestly tired.

All I wanted to do is sleep.

I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and it was him.

He told me he was going to the toilet.

I really didn't want to be there alone and I needed water.

So, I left the party zone to buy water.

After going to the toilet, he came back, to me.

I am still confused why he stuck by me when there are better people to be around with.

Then, the concert was over.

Time to look for the people who really didn't care about where I was , LOL!

I would write out why they HAD to look for me

but I guess I'll never forget even if  I don't write it down.

I found my friends as he found his.

Of course, we walked with out friends.

Mine were a pair who were dating.

They were holding hands and stuff, which I don't mind.

But it's like they didn't even notice my existence.

They were engaged into their lovey-dovey conversation.

They only talked to me for the 5 secs because they needed water.

And then, I was left alone again.

I was walking beside them, or at least trying to.

But I had never felt so isolated.

And then, I stopped trying to make myself look like I am with them.

I just stopped trying entirely.

I lagged behind them, putting distance between us just because it's easier to focus on my own steps.

Left. Right. Left Right. Ouch, Loose Rock, Skip.

just because it hurts less not trying.

 I remember looking up, desperately trying to push away the pain, 

desperately trying not to feel.

I saw him looking back.

He was a few feet in front of my friends and he was searching, 

for me.

I knew that because when his eyes meet mine, he smiled.

He stepped to the side and waited for me to pass him.

When I did, he walked with me.

He said, "Follow me" and I obeyed.

Slowly, we pasted my friends and they followed us.

They were somehow really slow and we got separated.

But this time, I wasn't afraid of getting lost or anything 

 because he was with me.

It wasn't because I liked him or anything.

It was simply just because he was there when there wasn't anyone there

When I was with him, the pain left and I could breathe again.

He lead the road but he kept turning back to make sure that I was following him.

Then, to avoid him from straining his neck,

I held on to his shoulder.

He was okay with that, so I held on and never let go.

When my hand did slip off, he immediately turned his head over to see if I'm still there.

He guided me out of Sunway Lagoon, walked me out of the entrance.

My friends were gone.

My phone had no bars so I couldn't call them.

He offered to call for me even when his phone is low of battery.

My friends picked up, they sound so pissed off at me.

They literally growled "Where are you!?"

I guess they were sleepy? 

Hah, yeah.

He had to meet his friends but I couldn't find mine.

I didn't want to keep him from his friends

and I knew the place well enough to find the entrance

but he insisted on staying with me until I found my friends.

Of course, his friends called and he had to leave but

not without telling me where I had to go to find my friends.

He asked me for my number and I gave him a hug goodbye

while thanking him again and again for being there the entire night.

I really feel the need to treat him to dinner 

because I feel like I owe the whole night to him

and also I get to see him again.

He never gave me a straight answer why he stayed with me the entire time

but I am entirely grateful for him.

Of course, I found my friends and we went back to the room that I rented,

Yeah, the reason why they HAD to look for me, LOL

It hurt the whole time but because of Jason,

it didn't hurt as much. 

I was stupid to think back and write about this

because it's a record of what caused what I was trying not to feel

but because I didn't want to forget what Jason did,

I wrote this.

It broke me to remember the painful details because I don't forget.

I see the little details and I remember every single thing.

It breaks me to think and remember about it

but I will not forget the guy who never left me and made my night.

I prayed to God before the concert because I know already what I would get from my friends.

I said, "Dear God, in times like these, I pray for safety to, during and from this concert.

I am not very religious but I know God answered my prayers by giving my Jason for the night.

I thank Jason and I thank God.

Enough ranting now.

I hope there are more people like Jason in the world because they make the world the go round by just being there.

Even though, I wished I didn't go to the concert due to obvious reasons but I am grateful that I did when I think of him.

Thank you, Jason, if you're "lucky enough" to read this, which means that I have humiliated myself.

But, thank you for being there when no one else was there

and for making me remember the importance of the little things like such.

Swedish House Mafia Concert

We Went. We Raved. We Loved.

It was amazing :)

My first concert was amazing.

The lights were incredible.

The crowd had the best energy ever.

The feeling of everything was simply good.

For the first time, I felt like I am part of something bigger, something important that happened.

I remember seeing the raindrops in the spotlight and tasting it.

I remember being in synced with the crowd, singing and jumping.

I remember turning to my right and having Jason smile at me.

I remember not feeling lonely because he was with me.

I remember the adrenalin that rushed through my body when I first got to the venue.

I remember the excitement when SHM played the first song.

I remember standing in the drizzling rain with my phone up in the air, hoping to capture the pictures and videos.

I remember say "ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit.." when it started to rain because my phone was out.

I remember being able to look at up in the air and smile, giving thanks to God for the chance to be there.

I remember living in those moments, second by second.

I remember being happy for myself for making this far in life, alive.

I remember being happy for being at the concert for me, not anyone else.

I remember being thankful for every single second that lead up to that concert,

And they say when you live in the moment, you'll feel infinite.

That's exactly what it felt like under the dancing lights and booming bass.

 Despite the pain that I felt before, during and after the concert and also the day after the concert, 

everything else was good.

I have no regrets :) x

And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair 
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a 
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
Ans was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got his glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring loudly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

- Extracted from "Perks of being a wallflower"

It's Time - Imagine Dragons

Just thought I'd share this song with whoever that's reading this.

I'm not gonna tell you how much I love this song. 

Instead, I'll tell you why.

You know how some songs just makes you feel empowered in a good way, 

like you can do anything in this world?

This song to reminds me to keep standing up no matter what.

I heard this song from my best friend but I didn't really listen to it.

Then, I heard it again in the trailer of The Perks of Being a Wallflower,

which looks like an amazing movie by the way. 

I read the book already and I love it.

I'm about to go off to university in a few months *deep breaths*

It's weird to actually see how fast we grow up.

The movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower is about students growing up 

and going through all sorts of pain.

Of course, it includes graduation and university.

The chorus of the song

"It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger but then, I'll admit

I was the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am."

For me, yeah, it IS time to begin

and no matter how much I've changed,

I am still exactly who I'm supposed to be and nothing's gonna change that.

To be curt, 

this song reminds me to be who I am no matter how different things are.

Paradox.

Have you ever loved someone so much that when you think of them, all you can do is close your eyes and smile?

Do you ever feel breathless every time you see them even though you have seen them for over a thousand times already?

When you do see them, you can't help but to stare like you've never seen them before, right?

Now imagine. Their arms are around you and yours around them, you hold them tight, not ever wanting to let go and just wanting time to freeze in this moment. You close your eyes, inhale and smile while you pull them into a tighter embrace. Another perfect moment, right?

Have you ever felt your heart stop when they smile and along with that, everything around you just sorta stops and whizzes past in slow motion?

And when you're with them, nothing else matters, nothing except them. You remember everything about them. The way they laugh, the way they look at you and what it meant, everything. Every little thing like when they drop something, you know what to do or say. Every smile, every frown, you know with one look.

"Every time I look into your eyes, I feel like I can stare at them for a lifetime." - Shakira

When you look at them, the first thing you look at is their eyes, without a doubt. You feel their gaze on you, warm and gentle. You look up and your eyes locked. Their eyes are soft, radiating of curiosity and humor as you see a half-smile creep across their face. The color of their eyes never cease to amaze you as you think that it might be the most beautiful thing that you've seen ever. You swear to yourself that you will not blink until they look away. This is a moment, one perfect moment to remind yourself that you love them.

And then you smile back.

KEEP CALM AND PARTY ON!

 

 

I miss the craziness, the excitement and the stupidity that comes with partying :)