Remembering when I was 22.

It scares me that I might not be able to remember what I am feeling now when I am 80. Right now, I am sitting listening to the cheesy songs about dancing under trees. Right now, I am undeniably in love. Right now, she is my everything and I would give up a lot if it meant that I could get a proper chance with her. Right now, I love her with everything that I have.

She is like a forest on a hazy night.

She is like a forest on a hazy night, the one that makes you question the existence of werewolves. Thick layers of moss cover tree trunks and rocks. It makes you wonder if moss turned into slime on nights like these. Sheets and sheets of mist and haze makes everything within five feet hard to see. You make out shapes and forms of the animals that lurk in the darkness but your vision might be mistaken. Her secrets were like these animals. You thought you knew them but you might be wrong. Sometimes you pay the price for being wrong.

Bathrooms.

At 14, I was sitting in showers crying my eyes out while rivers of red were pouring from my wrists.

At 18, I was in the same spot in the bathroom. This time, passed out in a pool of my own tears and blood, from the same stream of red.

At 21, I remember how to take showers and sing. The walls no longer represent solitude.

At a week before I turn 22, these walls are no longer cages for secrets. 

Birthdays.

There's a reason why I love birthdays. It is another beginning, another point of life where you are reminded that you have another chance. I will celebrate your birthdays, I will be happy for you that you have another chance at everything in life. I will be happy that you are still alive, even if there are days where you wish you weren't.

For someone who suffers from depression, I am sure optimistic about having hope especially when it is about someone else.

Eavesdropping Series: Love Edition

Since I always eat on my own, I get to be more aware of my environment and the people in it. I realize that people tend to have very interesting things to talk about and I will hear because I am sitting next to them. They are not shy about it so I sometimes just listen to their conversations. Sometimes, I get to have a few chuckles about it. I thought that it'd be nice to share it with my friends on snapchat.

So, I started my own series which includes my selfies captioned with information from the conversations I overhear. I never take pictures of the people that I eavesdrop on. No names are included either.

So here's the set that just happened 15 minutes ago.

When I am in a corner deliberately

Hi, my name is Tryphena.

My talents include redirecting conversation topics to food 

and making people feel uncomfortable with my probing questions about their life.

I am not here to meet people, 

Notice how I am standing in the corner,

avoiding contact with everyone else at all costs.

I am simply here because I am supposed to

or I'm doing a favor for a friend.

I do not wish to participate in your discussion of the weather,

or the debate of whether the iPhone 6 bends "for real".

We have two seasons, raining and hell.

It is not rocket science

and definitely not a good ice breaker.

Oh, did you know it rained today?

OH MY GOD, REALLY?

and here's a tip,

don't bend anything that is not supposed to be bended.

Don't get me wrong, 

I am a nice person but

if I am in the corner deliberately and you invade that space,

you better have interesting things to say. 

I am in this corner for a reason.

If small talk is the only thing that you've got,

don't take offense when I make an excuse to go to the toilet and never come back.

I would usually stay and chat but 

if I am in a corner, people watching, 

please leave me alone.

Unless you've come to join me in judging people by their covers for fun,

then by all means.

Breaking my own promise.

I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about her anymore, that I would stop dedicating words to her,  words she will never read. Then, it became evident to me that there were imprints of her everywhere. I see it in my stories, my poems, my conversations and even in my reaction towards a new friend. I swore to never talk about her again but she's everywhere.

When I see the word best friend anywhere, my mind still goes to her even though she no longer holds the title. The feeling of this is like a recovering alcoholic seeing a sign pointing to a bar. Their first instinct tells them to go in and order a drink. Then, their senses come to them and they have to consciously convince themselves to walk away because going in will not help them in any way.

Time and time again, my mind will unconsciously remember the good times that we had, which triggered a lot of the bad memories. I would usually stop myself from going down to memory lane but sometimes, I would allow myself a short stroll and everytime without fail, I will end up missing her.

We don't talk anymore. It's horrible because now, even our small talk is awkward. We couldn't get two sentences out with that gaping feeling between us. And every time she talks to me, I wonder if she misses me. I never understood how people can just go around pretending like they never once knew everything about this person. I never understood how they manage to put away all these memories and information like it never mattered. 

There was a quote that I saw on tumblr, I don't remember it exactly but it goes along those lines, "He always photographed the thing that he loved but he never took a photo of me". I was in a lot of her photos before. Back then, I will always be somewhere in the picture. Now, you can't even tell that we're friends. I was happy then. Spending time with her was nice, I could talk to her about anything and she always made me laugh. She kept me calm, she kept me sane. She was my own sun. Was. Now, I can't remember what her laugh sounds like. 

I would like to think that she was using me because believing that is less painful than to believe that I just wasn't relevant anymore. However, as much as I don't want to believe it, I know that at some point, I did mean something to her and she really did loved me. My judgement about people hasn't failed me yet. So, up until some point, she really was my friend. My only mistake was to believe that that will never change. 

I stop telling people the details of our friendship. It used to be long, detailed paragraphs of stories. Now I replace those stories with "We don't talk anymore" and "I don't know, she never responded and I gave up eventually". I stop telling the stories because relieving the memories bring me pain. I no longer see the reason to put myself through it anymore.  I'd like to think that she doesn't care because it will help me move on from this. However, I saw a quote that says this, "There are two reasons why people don't talk about things, either it doesn't mean anything to them or it means everything". I don't know which one is she.

I think, among all the friends that I've made over the years, I will always love her the most. I mean, how can I still, after everything? But I do, I still do.

Suicide

Most of us are baffled at our own prospects of death. I think it's because of the mystery to it. I mean, we don't know when it will happen or how it would happen. So, we mask that curiosity, that fear of it sometimes, by being busy, being occupied and being oblivious. Most of us think that our end of the road is old age, grandkids or perhaps, success. The very idea that "lives can be cut short either deliberately or not" is a myth, a fairy tale made up to scare us into taking risks and aiming for the stars.

Kristina Akana, 1993-2007, she ended her own life on Valentine's Day. I just finished reading her sister, Anna's book, Surviving Suicide. Anna wrote about the aftereffects of a suicide. People always talk about why people shouldn't kill themselves and how much people will miss them but I have never seen anything told from the the perspective of someone that was left behind. That is up until now.

I have never had friends or family who were claimed way before the expiry date by suicide. However, I have friends who, fortunately, failed at their attempts to take their own life. Two were when I had to talk to them relentlessly because there was nothing else I could do. One was after she had her stomach pumped. I remember the panic when I hear "I'm sorry" and that lump in my throat that won't go down no matter how many times I swallow. I remember bargaining with God even though the life at risk is not mine. I remember that sensation of vertigo when they dropped the other line of the call. I remember hearing train tracks and the sound of her sobs.

Anna talked about how her brain was far from reality when she got the call that her sister tried to hang herself. Her response was "Oh My God, she's going to be grounded for a very long time" or something along those lines. I guess, it is normal for us to not accept the visit of the Grim Reaper, especially when you are not expecting him. Sometimes, I do wonder. I wonder if they ever stop crying. I wonder if they ever stop picturing her face when they hear "Kristina' or if they ever stop missing her. I wonder if Kristina wished that she stayed. I wonder if she is happy now.

I hope, I solemnly hope to God that she is.

Love in Slow Motion.

I like watching people who are in love. I like how they light up at the name of the other. I like how they unconsciously break into a smile when they talk about this significant person. I like the way they blush and get gibberish. It is as if they're trying to squeeze all the sunshine, rainbows and good intentions of this person into one sentence. Obviously, you cannot contain a person's being into a sentence. So, they morph paragraphs and paragraphs of adoration into a never ending sentence, stitched together with commas and hyphens.

I have a friend who recently fell in love. I spend a lot of time listening to her talk about the details of her relationship. I didn't mind. I understand that she couldn't help it so I never stopped her from talking about it. Slowly, I found out that I learnt a lot about this guy that I only spoke to for about four times. I learnt that he likes to write letters. I learnt that he is very patient. I learnt that he likes burgers. I learnt that he was in love with her.

Maybe it's the way that his name rolls off her tongue like sweet honey. Maybe it's the way he purses his lips together and smiles after he says her name. Maybe it's the way both their gazes are so gentle but sure that it makes you want to look away. I asked her if she loves him. She hesitantly said yes, as if admitting would put her at a losing side. She always had doubt perched on her shoulders, feeding her the tale that she wasn't good enough. Sometimes I do wonder why people run from the things that they want. I also realize that they run faster when it is within reach or when they are already holding it.

She doesn't see the way that he looks at her, especially when she is embarrassed. I think that was the look of amusement and fondness. She is going to kill me for using the word "fond". She doesn't know about the way that he talks about her when she's not around. She doesn't know about the way that he waits for her. I saw him sitting on the sideway from the side of the road. His silhouette showed his hunched body and both his hands are clasped together with his elbows resting on his knees. He would turn to look if someone came down the stairs. He was a manifestation of calm waters and swooshing sea waves on a Saturday night. He simply sat there and waited, without any sign of impatience and anxiousness.

I believe that it is very beautiful to fall in love slowly. It is like reading a book. You get to slowly uncover secrets and stories that only that book can tell. The best part about reading a book that you already like is that you accept everything that the book throws at you. Just like everything else, you will always get one part that you don't particularly like. The most amazing thing about loving someone is that you don't try to fix them. You either readjust yourself to them or you both compromise.

I am not the best person to discuss what love is or what it is supposed to be. I have a very pessimistic view on things as vague and abstract as this. Maybe because of this, I am not often very happy. However, despite the fact that I refuse to open myself up to emotions, I am particularly drawn to genuine interactions and "in the moment" reactions. I remember how she hunches her shoulder and hides behind her left hand when she first talked about him. I remember how he panicked when "I" asked him why he didn't celebrate her birthday with her.

I am not a happy person because of the things that I refuse to believe in but I believe that it is possible to love and be loved, because I have seen it.

Reasons to get out of bed.

I haven't written in a while, which explains why I feel like I am going crazy. Since my days recently, have been bad or worse, I feel like I need to remind myself why I get out of bed. Hence, this list happened.

1. There's lunch somewhere out there.
2. You paid 9K this semester so you need to go to class.
3. You get to go to Muay Thai if it's the weekend and you enjoy it.
4. They make you happy, even if it's a little while.
5. It hurts less when you go out.
6. There is a possibility of fried chicken and cheesecake.
7. That person.
8. You get to laugh at other people.
9. Because you have to.
10. You can always come back to your bed when it's really that bad out there.

Day 9 of 30 Day oetry Challenge: Quickly jot down four verbs, four adjectives, and four nouns. Write a poem using all 12 words

Dreams can shock you into feeling, anything.
It's a dream, it can go anywhere.
Anything can happen, whether be it a lost memory,
or a treasured moment.
Dreams have the ability to make you feel the extend of what you are capable of.

Sleep reminds you that you're alive when you wake up.
It's how you rest, how you stop thinking.
However, when you drift off into unconsciousness,
you don't control where it goes from here.
You are free but somehow, not really.
Your dreams are where you face your fears,
your hopes, your worst case scenarios.

When you wake up,
you can feel pain, so much pain.
You wake up, hunched into question mark and
admit that there is nothing else worse than what you are feeling now.
You will naturally learn to tell yourself to breathe,
to say that it's not real and you'll be okay.
The pain will subside and slowly,
it will be an imprint of what you felt just moments before.

Little pleasures in life: Soft, good quality tissue papers when you have a cold

I have a cold. My nose was running the whole day, I was coughing up phlegm. It was a pretty sight. All I wanted to do is to not move and just be sick, which is what I did. Half of my toilet roll is gone now because of the flu. Earlier during the day, I went to Watson's to get pocket tissues. No way I was getting better in a day, I figured that I would need the tissues for classes and stuff.

Now my tissue roll is down to like 15 or 16 more "roll" before it finishes. So, I'm saving that for when I need to do my business in the toilet. Mind you, my nose is really red and raw from all the blowing and the rubbing and sniffling. It's just really sensitive now. The tissue roll's texture is quite rough so it made my nose raw from all that.

When I used the new tissue papers that I bought from Watson's, I was so happy. Yes, I am happy because the tissue paper is soft. For those who have a cold, it gives you so much comfort when you use a tissue that is soft, especially if you've been sniffling and everything for the whole day.

There is a tissue stuffed up my nose as I am writing this. It's so comfortable and soft. You will not understand this unless you have a cold and really want a break from the tissue but can't.

So, buy soft tissues when you're sick. It might not be much but it makes your sick day a little less annoying. :)

Day 8 of 30 day Poem Challenge: Write a cinquain on a topic of your choice

Cinquain poem,
Five line poem, right?
I'm trying to make this worthwhile.
It should turn out something like this one,
Yay, or nay?

Day 7 of 30 Day Poem Challenge: Take a walk until you find a tree you identify with, then write a poem using the tree as a metaphor for yourself or your life.

There were a lot of trees being cut down recently due to MRT construction. So, we went from having little shade to literally no shade. I feel no particular attachment to any of the trees but I get it? How charming, I get what a tree is.

I am a living, breathing being,
I was created for a reason, created for a purpose.
That might not be known for now, but
I'll do my best with this life I am given.

I will work hard and adapt.
So that, I can grow nowhere but up.
Let it be known that, I will not forget my roots, my morals and where I come from.
I will be as humble as the earthworm in the ground.
My head will be not be in the clouds without caution.
For storms, they can make you tremble or sometimes, even bring you to the ground
but don't forget your roots,
you can grow again, anew.

One day, when you are strong enough, wise enough,
you can bring comfort to those who were once like you,
small, new but growing.
I still don't know my purpose in life,
somehow I am content to live with whatever life throws at me.
I guess, the idea of living life to the fullest isn't such a bad idea.
That is if I never find out a greater purpose to my existence.

Day 5 of 30 Day Poem Challenge: Write a three line poem about lemons without using the following words: lemon, yellow, round, fruit, citrus, tart, juicy, peel, and sour.

Lemons
Oval-shaped and has the color of the sun,
Mix it with water, it's refreshing
Warm it up and add honey, medicine for those who lost their voice

Day 2 of 30 Day Poem Challenge: Who was the last person you texted? Write a five line poem to that person.

Abigail Harris.

You are one of the most responsible person that I've ever met.
I don't know you well but we get along,
I think it's loving of you to stay with your family when they need you.
We don't see a lot of that, especially in youths and young adults.
I hope we remain friends, really, I think we would.

Her, proving me wrong, as always.

Once in a while, you come across a picture that render you speechless and all you want to do is stare and marvel. Then, you realize that it is entirely possible to fall in love with a picture. It also helps if you know the person in the picture. Pictures capture expressions and highlights certain features of someone that you don't see normally. Up until now, all I can do is gawk at this picture.

The first thought that came across my mind is "Oh, wow, she looks gorgeous." And then, I couldn't stop staring. Since she's looking directly at the camera, it made me feel awkward and I had to look away. I debated with myself because it's a picture and I can stare all I want. I still can't because.. simply because.

Her eyes captured my attention. She is one of my best friends. She has been for the last 10 years or so. I love her completely and unconditionally. Thing is she looks absolutely amazing in photographs and pictures. It is in random times like these where you really really see person clearly and what you see just throws you off because you get blown away. It's like you're seeing them for the very first time.

I have lots of moments where I know that I couldn't love this girl more than I already do. It's always random, like the way she smiles or the way her eyes are when she smiles. I don't get to see her as often as I would want to because I'm away for my studies. When I do see her, she would literally be bae (before anyone else). She reminds me to hope and to love. On top of that, she is literally the only person where I don't shun from when she is being affectionate. That's something I realize only tonight. For example, she would want to hold my hand and I would let her. For those who know me, I would shake it off. If it's her, I wouldn't mind, or at least I don't shake it off.

I thought I literally wouldn't be able to love her more than I already do but she proves me wrong, every single time.

Ugh, too much feels. Again, I obviously don't know how to love or deal with affection. As my mum said, I don't react well to any form of affection or let anyone love me, which means I don't love a lot of people. Gonna stop now before I bring up falling in love with people and life.

Bye.

All I can say when I look at the picture is still "Omg..".

So much questions

• 1) Sexuality? Is fluid.
• 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Demi Lovato
• 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. There is literally no books nearby..
• 4) What do you think about most? It's different everyday but most thoughts end up going back to her leaving. Yeah, so her leaving is one of the things that I think about the most, still.
• 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? My school dean telling me to hand in my medical certificate.
• 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? With
• 7) What's your strangest talent? To love someone without asking to be loved back
• 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence). Girls are just a plain breathless "wow" sometimes. Boys, they can surprise you when you least expect it.
• 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? I don't think so.
• 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? Just now.
• 11) Do you have any strange phobias? Heights, dying and people leaving.
• 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Nope
• 13) What's your religion? Christianity 
• 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Enjoying the rain.
• 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? I am comfortable in front and being behind.
• 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Paramore
• 17) What was the last lie you told? No, I was just kidding.
• 18) Do you believe in karma? Yes, very much so
• 19) What does your URL mean? I really don't like pickles
• 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Weakness: Loving someone because I will give them everything willingly and not care what happens to me. Strength: I am very VERY independant.
• 21) Who is your celebrity crush? Demi Lovato
• 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Nope
• 23) How do you vent your anger? Muay Thai, I write and I cut.
• 24) Do you have a collection of anything? Poems, books and cds
• 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Both works for me.
• 26) Are you happy with the person you've become? Quite happy actually.
• 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? I hate how the word "goodbye" sounds. I love the sound of waves hitting the shore and raindrops on the roofs
• 28) What's your biggest "what if"? What if you belonged to me and vice versa?
• 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and no.
• 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. My mum's pants and a pillow
• 31) Smell the air. What do you smell? Nothing specific.
• 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? The hospital.
• 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? I am from the east so the east.
• 34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Adam Lambert
• 35) To you, what is the meaning of life? To live it to the fullest and to experience everything that you can.
• 36) Define Art. Art is an expression of who you are, what you feel and what you want to say.
• 37) Do you believe in luck? Not exactly
• 38) What's the weather like right now? It's raining now
• 39) What time is it? 9:06pm
• 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes and yes
• 41) What was the last book you read? The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks
• 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? It's a meh smell for me.
• 43) Do you have any nicknames? Yeah, Try.
• 44) What was the last movie you saw? Maleficent 
• 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? I scrapped my elbow
• 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Nope
• 47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Umm, Orange Is the New Black and Pretty Little Liars
• 48) What's your sexual orientation? I am honestly very confused about it.
• 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yeah
• 50) Do you believe in magic? Depends on what kind you are talking about
• 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes
• 52) What is your astrological sign? Taurus
• 53) Do you save money or spend it? Depends but I usually save it
• 54) What's the last thing you purchased? A toothbrush
• 55) Love or lust? For now, lust
• 56) In a relationship? nOpe
• 57) How many relationships have you had? 1
• 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No
• 59) Where were you yesterday? At home
• 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? The pillow on my left
• 61) Are you wearing socks right now? I just took them off
• 62) What's your favorite animal? Dog
• 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Be nice to them
• 64) Where is your best friend? I don't think I have one
• 65) Spit or swallow?(; Umm, pass
• 66) What is your heritage? I don't know
• 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? I think I was on instagram
• 68) What do you think is Satan's last name? The Shithead
• 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Ha.
• 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yeah, I guess? 
• 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? apologise to the dog and walk away but I'll feel bad for a while.
• 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? Yes but only to those that I want to spend my last month with. Yes, I will be quite afraid.
• 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Trust
• 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Alive by Krewella
• 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 9339
• 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Honesty and trust
• 77) How can I win your heart? Be you
• 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes, I believe it will
• 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? To stop associating myself with her 
• 80) What size shoes do you wear? 8
• 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? She tried her best to love
• 82) What is your favorite word? Lovely
• 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. It was a sigh that came out. 
• 84) What is a saying you say a lot? It's okay that you are like this.
• 85) What's the last song you listened to? Piece of me by Britney Spears
• 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Blue and purple
• 87) What is your current desktop picture? Hayley Williams
• 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Debating if I should even consider that person.
• 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? Are you gay?
• 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? I would freak out definitely because I do have a fear of them but I would just go back to sleep.
• 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? To move things with my mind
• 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? My first kiss with that person
• 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? All of 2012
• 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Demi Lovato, yes, huge girl crush there
• 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? United States
• 96) Do you have any relatives in jail? No
• 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Yes
• 98) Ever been on a plane? Loads of times
• 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Always be the person that your future children would be proud to talk about

Real Talk Questions from Tumblr

• 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
• Looking into someone's eyes while I tell them how I feel

• 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
• I remember how someone just dropped me on my ass and expect me to be okay "because things have changed", according to her. Yes, I still do and it keeps me awake at night.
• 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
• My mum, I'll tell her I love her and my family. I'll also tell her that her and dad did a great job raising us kids and they are the best in the world. 
• 4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
• I'll only tell those that I want to spend my last month with. I'll eat, take as many pictures as I can, make home videos, bungee jump, be a daredevil. Yes, I admit that I'll be so afraid but it's inevitable so I'll make sure I'll regret nothing when I die.
• 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
• For argument's sake, I won't say that trust will cultivate love. I will choose trust because trust, in my experience, is developed and strengthen over time. I understand that it is the same with love but you don't get blinded when you trust. To trust is to have confidence in something or someone. Trust is given to those who have proven themselves worthy of it, instead of  having it being given to you in the beginning. It's more concrete and logical than love.
• 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
• No, as much as a dog's life is valuable, I don't think I can afford my job. This differs though, but I assume that I am not at home and I am on my own when this happens. So, no.
• 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

The one that I love.

• 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
• The first time it happened, I ended up dating him. The second time it happened, I told her that nothing can happen because she had a boyfriend.
• 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
• No, because I don't know them that well. Plus, they had cancer so it wouldn't make a big difference. It's not like we could postpone his death if he was given another hour. It would just be another hour of waiting for his family.
• 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
• Yeah, I seem like a cool person.
• 11. Does love = sex?
• No.
• 12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
• Depends on the situation but if the situation is the same as I describe above, then no. I need to take care of myself, I have no one in this city.
• 13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
• It was a few months ago, at least the one where I remembered. It was with a group of friends and we were all mostly acquaintances. However, we somehow decided to have questions thrown out and all of us will take a turn in answering it. They were deep questions, what do you regret, what do you fear, what were your scariest moments in life. It was a very non-judgmental feel to everything and everyone was genuine so everything just came spilling out. They listened which was something I didn't expect. It was  relief because people rarely listen nowadays and sometimes that all you want from someone.
• 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
• Personally, to say "I love you" to anyone would be harder than " I don't love you."
• 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
• My family because they are the reason why I am able to be where I am right now. I would never trade them for anything in the world
• 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
• Last night, he is my little brother.
• 17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
• I don't remember, it has been a pretty good month for me.
• 18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
• Yeah, it's a life.
• 19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
• I would let the newborn go. First of all, I don't know the new born and it's not mine. My grandma is mine so I'll save what is mine. You can also have another baby but not another grandma.
• 20. Are you old fashioned?
• Only in my moral values.
• 21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
• I always do small things like this so I don't know. It's very recent, I'm sure.
• 22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

Broken hearts can heal. Then you'll love again.

• 23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
• To forget about her or to be over her completely so that I can move on and not think of her.

Day 14 of 30 Challenge: What are features you get complimented on a lot?

Features, ey?

Usually they say I have nicely shaped eyebrows. I don't pluck them or shave or whatever. It's just like that naturally. I call myself lucky.

The other is my smile. They say I smile and laugh a lot. I don't think it's a bad thing. I just look very cheerful.