I have not written in a long time, I have good reasons for it. Well, at least I think it's good. I don't know why I am explaining since I am talking to myself here.
I was home for the holidays, still am though. I have been doing practically nothing productive because there is nothing productive of my own to be done. House work and chores are different things. I'd just procrastinate until literally 20 minutes before my mum comes home and just finish it really really quickly. It looks something like Hit Girl in the movie Kick Ass 2, after she was given the adrenaline shot.
Things have been okay, I guess. At least that's what I would say to a stranger because I don't know how to explain what I have been feeling lately. Plus, people don't ask how are you to get an answer. It's small talk, they just want an "okay" and next question. Given all the time that I spend alone in KL, I have a tendency to keep things to myself now, or to my blog. I don't think it's a bad thing. I just became more private and you will only see what I show you.
I have been 21 for about a week now. I didn't expect anything like what happened with Harry Potter when he turned 11, to happen. It was nice to not feel the difference but then again, you do feel the urgency to become more responsible, more productive, more successful and so on because I am legally an adult now. With that being said, I also understand that with me being older, it means my parents are aging too, which further stressed my responsibility as the eldest in the family, to be more of an adult.
At 21, people would have expected you to be... not lost. Unfortunately, here I am, feeling as lost as I was 3 years ago, the only difference is that I was on my own. I had a best friend 3 years ago. She's gone now and I am alone. Again, it's not bad, I haven learnt to be content on my own now but it'd be nice to have someone, yknow.
However, I would like to look at the bright side of not knowing what to do with myself:
1. I am studying in a course that I really really like, which means I am most likely to go into that in the future.
2. I still see the importance of writing in my life and I am lucky because I still have something that I love that is mine.
3. I have the possibilities of everything lying ahead of me BECAUSE I don't have a plan.
4. I know what to look for slowly from my own experiences and even so, I can just change things if I don't like them.
5. I get to be selfish first.
6. I can try anything that I want and not regret it.
That's enough of me talking about me to me. I am surprisingly enjoying this. It beats talking to people because I am not a judgmental person and it sucks when people are. They say, you are your own best friend, yeah, in a lot of ways, it's true :)
Showing posts with label first. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Saturday, March 15, 2014
People encounters: Guy with the "gay" side in books
He is a friend of a friend. Jock with the body to prove it. He is all snapback caps, varsity jackets, hoodies and converse shoes. He is about my height, which isn't really tall but he was nice and polite which makes up for that. He would crack jokes that everyone gets and laugh at your jokes even if it sucked. For someone that is considered good looking, he is really really nice and that is rare.
We went to a bookstore to wait for a few friends who were going to join us. I expected it to be weird to hang out with him and these bunch of people because I wasn't close with any of them. I know them and they know me but that was it. I expect a lot of awkwardness, especially with him because I am here with him , alone.
We carpooled to come here, the driver left. I am bad with small talk, I run out of things to ask. I essentially end up asking when their birthday is. It really weird. He made it easy. I have always thought that people hated me and they have better things to do, better people to see. It was weird to see him enjoying my company.
We walked from bookstore to bookstore, gossiping about one of our classmates on the way to the other. He was surprisingly honest and sincere about his emotions. He is the first guy ever to tell me that he felt hurt after an incident. We connected. I showed him my favorite book on the bookstore's computer and now I am going to lend it to him on Monday. He showed me his favorite kind of books.
"I'm a little gay when it comes to books", he said.
I told him it's okay, it's nice to see people's sensitive side. I also said that I like seeing guys who read, it tells you a lot about them. They have more patience ans they listen more and are more accepting of what is not of their own. His book choices are very much influenced by his mother. I am surprised at how open he is, especially about emotions. Again, according to the books that he reads, I can almost picture that side of him that is not displayed for the public.
It was a nice afternoon. I feel like myself when I hang out with him. It was easy, something that I have't felt in a while.
We went to a bookstore to wait for a few friends who were going to join us. I expected it to be weird to hang out with him and these bunch of people because I wasn't close with any of them. I know them and they know me but that was it. I expect a lot of awkwardness, especially with him because I am here with him , alone.
We carpooled to come here, the driver left. I am bad with small talk, I run out of things to ask. I essentially end up asking when their birthday is. It really weird. He made it easy. I have always thought that people hated me and they have better things to do, better people to see. It was weird to see him enjoying my company.
We walked from bookstore to bookstore, gossiping about one of our classmates on the way to the other. He was surprisingly honest and sincere about his emotions. He is the first guy ever to tell me that he felt hurt after an incident. We connected. I showed him my favorite book on the bookstore's computer and now I am going to lend it to him on Monday. He showed me his favorite kind of books.
"I'm a little gay when it comes to books", he said.
I told him it's okay, it's nice to see people's sensitive side. I also said that I like seeing guys who read, it tells you a lot about them. They have more patience ans they listen more and are more accepting of what is not of their own. His book choices are very much influenced by his mother. I am surprised at how open he is, especially about emotions. Again, according to the books that he reads, I can almost picture that side of him that is not displayed for the public.
It was a nice afternoon. I feel like myself when I hang out with him. It was easy, something that I have't felt in a while.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Day 8 of 30 challenge: Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?
Yes. I have had my heart broken before. Twice, I think if it was meant in the common, relationship way. Once was by a guy and once by a girl. They are both still in my life and as this is a public blog. I will not get too into it.
The guy, he broke my heart when he said, I can't do this anymore. I was at Starbucks outside with one of my best friends and I remember crying. I still remember the date. Wow. 28th of May, 2012. City Mall Starbucks. I cried. This was the first time that I have ever cried for a guy. I continued crying for the next few days. One of the nights was so bad that I just called my best friend and sobbed. She listened and I guess it sucked for her because she didn't know what to do or say.
The girl. Wow. I fell so hard for her. I memorized her like I would my favorite poem. I fell for HER and I loved her. I guess at some point, it was a mutual thing but.. That's just that, a "but". Took me two years to get over it and somehow I am still trying to get over it. There are days where she still crosses my mind but that part of my life is over. I still love her, I still have her memorized. I still stay up thinking about how she is. I still think about calling her. I still want to make her smile. I still think she's beautiful.
Have I ever broken a heart? I think it was my ex-boyfriend's. No, it's not the guy above. This is a different guy. I bet he wished that he never dated me. I was such an asshole.
The guy, he broke my heart when he said, I can't do this anymore. I was at Starbucks outside with one of my best friends and I remember crying. I still remember the date. Wow. 28th of May, 2012. City Mall Starbucks. I cried. This was the first time that I have ever cried for a guy. I continued crying for the next few days. One of the nights was so bad that I just called my best friend and sobbed. She listened and I guess it sucked for her because she didn't know what to do or say.
The girl. Wow. I fell so hard for her. I memorized her like I would my favorite poem. I fell for HER and I loved her. I guess at some point, it was a mutual thing but.. That's just that, a "but". Took me two years to get over it and somehow I am still trying to get over it. There are days where she still crosses my mind but that part of my life is over. I still love her, I still have her memorized. I still stay up thinking about how she is. I still think about calling her. I still want to make her smile. I still think she's beautiful.
Have I ever broken a heart? I think it was my ex-boyfriend's. No, it's not the guy above. This is a different guy. I bet he wished that he never dated me. I was such an asshole.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Challenge Day 6: Write Poetry: with “I remember sentences
Well, this Sarah Kay challenge is suppose to be an 8-day thing and I managed to make it a two-months thing. This is my first post in 2014 and not to be cliche. 2014 feels different, like there is hope..? I don't know, I just feel different by the near end of 2013 and in 2014, I feel like I can be on top of the world. It's almost like I have a choice to be invincible. It's an unbelievable feeling.
ANYWAYS,
Being away from home was the biggest challenge for me in 2013 and it was the biggest change of my life. it was my first time, dealing with something that is so drastic. I still feel homesick but the first time of this, it was terrifying. Going home has never felt so good in my life.
here is the poem.
I remember how it felt
to pack up my books, my clothes,
pieces of myself,
my whole bedroom,
my existence into boxes,
luggage, which will be shipped off
to where I will spend the next three years of my life
trying to make something out of myself.
I remember how I felt
when I starting unpacking in my dorm room.
I remember not being able
to fully understand where I was,
why I was doing and when I am going back.
I remember my dorm room, first, smelt of
a mixture of mothballs and perfume.
I remember how hard it was for me
to open the zipper of my luggage.
I remember sobbing,
I remember hyperventilating.
I remember mourning.
I remember hysterical crying, while calling my mum,
begging to come home.
I remember the city being a horrible and big place.
I remember that I was convinced that I will forever,
forever be lost.
I remember meeting new people, they were nice.
I remember how much people here have weird slangs, and again,
convinced that I will never like it.
I remember liking these new people and hating them at the same time.
I remember being jealous that they get to be at home, while it takes me
three hours to fly back home.
I remember crying after I said goodbye to my dad when he came to visit.
I remember always dreaming of home every day, every night.
Then,
I remember things getting better, it was easier to breathe.
I remember my best friend coming over, the city didn't seem so scary.
I remember trying to be okay, I miss home
I remember that I am here to make something out of myself, away from my comfort zone.
I remember that it was never meant to be easy, and I was doing okay.
I remember the first time I was able to fly back.
I remember how it felt to fly back.
I remember how it felt when I landed, smells like home.
I remember being home.
I remember being home.
ANYWAYS,
Being away from home was the biggest challenge for me in 2013 and it was the biggest change of my life. it was my first time, dealing with something that is so drastic. I still feel homesick but the first time of this, it was terrifying. Going home has never felt so good in my life.
here is the poem.
I remember how it felt
to pack up my books, my clothes,
pieces of myself,
my whole bedroom,
my existence into boxes,
luggage, which will be shipped off
to where I will spend the next three years of my life
trying to make something out of myself.
I remember how I felt
when I starting unpacking in my dorm room.
I remember not being able
to fully understand where I was,
why I was doing and when I am going back.
I remember my dorm room, first, smelt of
a mixture of mothballs and perfume.
I remember how hard it was for me
to open the zipper of my luggage.
I remember sobbing,
I remember hyperventilating.
I remember mourning.
I remember hysterical crying, while calling my mum,
begging to come home.
I remember the city being a horrible and big place.
I remember that I was convinced that I will forever,
forever be lost.
I remember meeting new people, they were nice.
I remember how much people here have weird slangs, and again,
convinced that I will never like it.
I remember liking these new people and hating them at the same time.
I remember being jealous that they get to be at home, while it takes me
three hours to fly back home.
I remember crying after I said goodbye to my dad when he came to visit.
I remember always dreaming of home every day, every night.
Then,
I remember things getting better, it was easier to breathe.
I remember my best friend coming over, the city didn't seem so scary.
I remember trying to be okay, I miss home
I remember that I am here to make something out of myself, away from my comfort zone.
I remember that it was never meant to be easy, and I was doing okay.
I remember the first time I was able to fly back.
I remember how it felt to fly back.
I remember how it felt when I landed, smells like home.
I remember being home.
I remember being home.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Random quiz, my favorite :) Ignore the numbers, I copied it from tumblr.
Personal
1-How are you?
I am very good
2-Post a picture of yourself.
3-Do you ever wish you were someone else?
When I was younger, yes but now, no.
4-What is your entire name?
Tryphena Chin Xiao Huey
5-How old are you?
20
6-Age you get mistaken for:
Never really mistaken, I look like my age
7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:
Taurus is my original one, I am like Taurus
8-What did you do on your last birthday?
I went rock climbing
9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?
Lose like 10-20 pounds
10-What is your hair color?
At the moment dark brown with maroon highlights
11-Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yup, that's why I have maroon highlights
12-What is your eye color?
Close to black but not black
13-If you could change your eye color, would you?
Greyish-green
14-Do you wear contacts/glasses?
Yes to both
18-Do you have any tattoos?
Nope
19-Do you have any piercings?
Yeah, but they closed up
20-Left or right handed?
Right
21-What’s your sexual orientation?
Don't really believe in labels
22-Do you drink?
Yeah, socially
23-Do you smoke?
Yeah, socially
24-Do you have any pets?
My baby, Chowder. He's a dog :)
25-Where do you work?
At a grocery store at where I live
26-Something you are working on right now:
Yeah, me
27-Do you have any “rules” about food?
If you like it, eat.
28-Where are you from?
Sabah yo!
29-What would you say is your best quality?
I am loyal
30-What do you think you’re really good at?
Talking and eating
31-What do you think you’re really bad at?
Planting and whistling
33-Are you a bad person?
I would like to think that I am sometimes
34-Are you nice to everyone?
Usually
36-Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
yep!
37-What is your ideal bed? Why?
Something bigger than a single bed with a lot of fluffy pillows and nice soft blankets. Then I can make a fort
38-Did you wake up cranky?
Not all the time, depends on the day
39-Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?
Yes, Wobbly!
40-What do you think about the most?
When do I get to eat? What to eat?
42-What you want to be when you “get older”?
TV Host, interviewer, somewhere along that lines
43-What are your career goals?
I just want do to what I like
44-What is your ideal career?
Ellen Degeneres' job and Oprah (but she finished her show)
45-Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
Nope, I was happier but then again, I don't regret where I am now
46-Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
All the time
47-Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
nay
48-Say 10 facts about your room:
I have quotes and lyrics painted on my walls. I have a double decker. My little brother stays in my room while I'm away. I have wooden looking floors. I have tiled floors on the other side of my room. It's air-conditioned. It really should have a fan in it. I love my room, it's my refuge. I have guitars in my room. I also have my first radio that I bought with my own money back when I was 12.
49-Do you have any phobias?
heights and snakes
50-Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?
Yeah, I am currently seeing one
51-Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
Nay
52-Ever broken any bones?
Nope
53-Ever come close to death?
Nope
60-Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?
Yes and I found it so I dont have to answer that LOL
61-Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
yes
62-Describe yourself in one word/sentence:
grounded
63-A quote you try to live by:
People love differently, just because they don't love you the same way that you love, doesn't mean that they don't love you.
64-A famous person you’ve been compared to:
None, actually. I would be like Jennifer Lawrence maybe
65-Weird things you do when you’re alone:
I don't talk and when I do, I scare myself
66-Something you do without realising:
I run my fingers through my hair so much that I think I'm going to go bald from it
68-Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:
My best friend, I need answers.
69-Leave me a compliment:
Hi, you're beautiful today!
Favorites
70-What is your favorite thing to do?
Eat, chill with people, film stuff
71-What’s your favorite color?
Forever and always, blue
73-What’s your favorite movie?
Perks of being a wallflower and Alice in Wonderland
74-What are your favorite books?
Harry Potter series, Perks of Being a Wallflower, Diary of Anne Frank
75-What is your favorite quote and why?
We accept the love we think we deserve, because of experience
76-What is your favorite word?
lovely
77-What is your least favorite word?
fine
78-What is your favorite type of food?
I eat almost everything but I love chicken enough to say that it stands out
79-You favorite ice cream?
Vanilla
80-What’s your favorite animal?
Dogs, foxes
81-Dogs or cats?
Dogs
82-Describe your favorite texture:
That texture that be felt on very smooth skin, like it's very smooth but you know that there's really fine hair there
83-What is your favorite flower?
Don't like flowers so it doesn't matter
84-What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?
That shampoo smell, not a perfume or cologne type. Doesn't matter
85-What is your favorite season?
I have only experienced summer but I'll say summer
86-What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
New York, Los Angeles, Barcelona, Sydney and Rome
87-What are four things you can’t live without and why?
Food, because I will die.. and I love it too much to ever give it up.
My laptop, there's so much you cannot do without one
Books, I love to read
Pen, there's that satisfying feeling or writing something down
88-Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?
Not into mythological creatures..
89-What’s your favorite television show?
Glee
90-Favorite place to shop at?
Don't have a preferred place. I am of limited wealth and my body type doesn't help
91-Say 2 facts about your favorite things:
My guitar reminds me that music isn't only about singing. A pen reminds me that I am in control of words and where it goes.
Friends
106-Would you ever smile at a stranger?
yes, I have done it a lot of times
107-Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
No preferences but it would be nice to have a balance
108-Who is someone you never tire of?
Francine, so far she's the only one
109-Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Francine, Ling Jin and Harman. Funny how some names just appear and some just stay on
110-Who is your most loyal friend?
Ling Jin
111-Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Yes
112-If your best friend died, what would you do?
I wouldn't want to imagine, I would die too
113-Something you’ve lied about.
A lot of things
114-Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes
115-Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):
She loves purples. She loves raves but she likes to read. She's like Belle with a strong sense of real adventure. She loves cats and she's like one too. I think I am losing her, I think it's just me but it seems like she doesn't need me anymore.
Relationships
116-The last person you hugged?
Liyana
117-Story of your first kiss?
LOL, it scared me and I didn't expect it
118-Do you like kissing in public?
I don't mind
119-Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
LOL yes
120-You have a preference for boys or girls?
They are both fine but girls smell so much better
121-Is the male or female body closest to perfection?
Female for sho!
127-What is the first thing you noticed in someone?
Their smile
128-Are looks important in a relationship?
To me, they are not
129-What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
Straight teeth
130-What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
I prefer someone older but not more than 3 years
131-Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?
Yeah
133-Do you have a crush on anyone?
Yes
134-A description of the girl/boy you like:
He's a gentleman, he is intelligent, he is literally everything I want in a guy
135-Say 1 fact about the person you like:
Gentleman
136-If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
You like her right? Go after her
137-When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
I said that a lot of times but to mean it when I say it, it's quite some time ago
138-Do you think someone has feelings for you?
I don't know
139-Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
My little brother maybe
140-Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
Yes
141-Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Yes, still a painful memory
142-Anyone you’re giving up on?
Yep, gave up already
143-Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yeahh
144-Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
HAHAHAHAH everyone had something against my first boyfriend
145-Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
My first boyfriend was one
146-Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
yes but I didn't know if they meant it
147-Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?
yes
148-Is there someone you will never forget?
yes
153-What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
They sent me a card for my birthday and I didn't expect them to remember
154-What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
He bought me jellybeans which I haven't eaten, gave me sweets and a plush koala bear
157-Are you in love?
I wouldn't say that I am
158-Are you in a relationship?
Nope
159-If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
skip
160-Are relationships ever worth it?
depends, for me, it depends
161-Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
I don't know
162-Can you commit to one person?
yes, it's my best quality
163-Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
HAHAHAHA yes
164-Do you ever want to get married?
yes
165-Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
Don't know
167-Do you get jealous easily?
Not sure
168-The last time you felt jealous, and why?
because I used to be important
169-What is your definition of cheating?
When you have to delete messages to avoid your SO from seeing them, you're on the way there
170-Have you ever been cheated on?
no
171-Do you forgive betrayal?
Not usually
172-Have you ever cheated on someone?
Nay
173-Why did your last relationship fail?
because of trust issues and I was young and foolish
174-Things you want to say to an ex:
We clarified a lot of things when we last talked.
175-A description of the person you dislike the most:
I don't particularly dislike anyone
176-If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
If I still love them, yes
177-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
I have had two boyfriend before
178-How long was your longest relationship?
5 years on and off
179-You’ll love me if…
I change..?
180-Share a relationship story:
My first boyfriend used to cook for me. He was my best friend. He made me laugh, made me smile. he wasn't the best but he was good enough for me. When it ended, I was so angry at him for so many things. When I talked to him recently, the three hours were used to travel down memory lane where we relieve old jokes and laughs. Then, he told me he really loved me when he dated me and I have always thought that he was playing me all these time after. It was a better "I hope you have a good life" after the talk. I will always have a best friend in him.
Music, movies and books
181-How often do you listen to music?
Whenever I feel like it
182-What kind of music you like?
Acoustic, bands
183-Do you like to dance?
yeah, I enjoy it
185-Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
yes
186-Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past:
Leave Out All The Rest - Linkin Park
187-A song that’s been stuck in your head:
It's been peaceful in my head lately
188-Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:
6 Months - Hey Monday
Give Love a Try - Jonas Brothers
Body Count - Justin Timberlake
Hold It Against Me - Britney Spears
Without You - Usher and David Guetta
How to be a Heart breaker - Glee Cover
Apologize - One Republic
Firework - Katy Perry
The Little Things - Colbie Calliat
Runnin' Around - Colbie Calliat
189-A book you want to read/have recently read:
I don't have the mood to read yet
190-Describe your dream library:
Non-fiction, autobiographies, fiction
191-Last movie you just watched:
But I'm a Cheerleader
192- what type of movies do you like watching?
"Based on true story", realistic, non-action movies, comedies
Situations and crazy things
193-You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?
my wrist
194-What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?
Killing someone accidentally
195-If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?
Peter Pan
196-You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?
My Parents
197-If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
The way I reacted to thins
198-If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?
Potassium, it would be so easy to reply people with a K.
199-If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
year 2012
200-You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?
Big ass sword, "We fight!"
201-If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?
Lots of rollercoasters and race tracks with a lot of water rides
202-What is the first curse word that comes to mind?
fuck
203-What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…
Wow... I don't remember going to a party.. That's sad
204-Halloween costume idea?
Zombie, Peter Pan or Mulan
205-How you’d spend ten thousand bucks?
Go shopping with my family
206-Press ctrl+v and post:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/971611_10151464977507781_29028348_n.jpg
207-Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you hate for a month? Explain why.
Someone that I love, then it'll be like a very very long date
208-5 things within touching distance:
Mouse, speakers, contact lens liquid, Apollo strawberry layer cakes, room key
209-A drunken story:
Almost went further than intended with one of my close friends who is a girl
210-What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Nothing, exams are over
211-Currently wanting to see anyone?
I would love to
212-Why you follow me?
who are you?
213-If you met me what would you do?
I am sure you are nice, I'll talk
214-Leave me a ridiculous question:
Do you wash your underwear yourself?
215-Leave me a cute message:
Hi lovely, hope your day was well
1-How are you?
I am very good
2-Post a picture of yourself.
3-Do you ever wish you were someone else?
When I was younger, yes but now, no.
4-What is your entire name?
Tryphena Chin Xiao Huey
5-How old are you?
20
6-Age you get mistaken for:
Never really mistaken, I look like my age
7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:
Taurus is my original one, I am like Taurus
8-What did you do on your last birthday?
I went rock climbing
9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?
Lose like 10-20 pounds
10-What is your hair color?
At the moment dark brown with maroon highlights
11-Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yup, that's why I have maroon highlights
12-What is your eye color?
Close to black but not black
13-If you could change your eye color, would you?
Greyish-green
14-Do you wear contacts/glasses?
Yes to both
18-Do you have any tattoos?
Nope
19-Do you have any piercings?
Yeah, but they closed up
20-Left or right handed?
Right
21-What’s your sexual orientation?
Don't really believe in labels
22-Do you drink?
Yeah, socially
23-Do you smoke?
Yeah, socially
24-Do you have any pets?
My baby, Chowder. He's a dog :)
25-Where do you work?
At a grocery store at where I live
26-Something you are working on right now:
Yeah, me
27-Do you have any “rules” about food?
If you like it, eat.
28-Where are you from?
Sabah yo!
29-What would you say is your best quality?
I am loyal
30-What do you think you’re really good at?
Talking and eating
31-What do you think you’re really bad at?
Planting and whistling
33-Are you a bad person?
I would like to think that I am sometimes
34-Are you nice to everyone?
Usually
36-Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
yep!
37-What is your ideal bed? Why?
Something bigger than a single bed with a lot of fluffy pillows and nice soft blankets. Then I can make a fort
38-Did you wake up cranky?
Not all the time, depends on the day
39-Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?
Yes, Wobbly!
40-What do you think about the most?
When do I get to eat? What to eat?
42-What you want to be when you “get older”?
TV Host, interviewer, somewhere along that lines
43-What are your career goals?
I just want do to what I like
44-What is your ideal career?
Ellen Degeneres' job and Oprah (but she finished her show)
45-Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
Nope, I was happier but then again, I don't regret where I am now
46-Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
All the time
47-Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
nay
48-Say 10 facts about your room:
I have quotes and lyrics painted on my walls. I have a double decker. My little brother stays in my room while I'm away. I have wooden looking floors. I have tiled floors on the other side of my room. It's air-conditioned. It really should have a fan in it. I love my room, it's my refuge. I have guitars in my room. I also have my first radio that I bought with my own money back when I was 12.
49-Do you have any phobias?
heights and snakes
50-Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?
Yeah, I am currently seeing one
51-Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
Nay
52-Ever broken any bones?
Nope
53-Ever come close to death?
Nope
60-Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?
Yes and I found it so I dont have to answer that LOL
61-Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
yes
62-Describe yourself in one word/sentence:
grounded
63-A quote you try to live by:
People love differently, just because they don't love you the same way that you love, doesn't mean that they don't love you.
64-A famous person you’ve been compared to:
None, actually. I would be like Jennifer Lawrence maybe
65-Weird things you do when you’re alone:
I don't talk and when I do, I scare myself
66-Something you do without realising:
I run my fingers through my hair so much that I think I'm going to go bald from it
68-Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:
My best friend, I need answers.
69-Leave me a compliment:
Hi, you're beautiful today!
Favorites
70-What is your favorite thing to do?
Eat, chill with people, film stuff
71-What’s your favorite color?
Forever and always, blue
73-What’s your favorite movie?
Perks of being a wallflower and Alice in Wonderland
74-What are your favorite books?
Harry Potter series, Perks of Being a Wallflower, Diary of Anne Frank
75-What is your favorite quote and why?
We accept the love we think we deserve, because of experience
76-What is your favorite word?
lovely
77-What is your least favorite word?
fine
78-What is your favorite type of food?
I eat almost everything but I love chicken enough to say that it stands out
79-You favorite ice cream?
Vanilla
80-What’s your favorite animal?
Dogs, foxes
81-Dogs or cats?
Dogs
82-Describe your favorite texture:
That texture that be felt on very smooth skin, like it's very smooth but you know that there's really fine hair there
83-What is your favorite flower?
Don't like flowers so it doesn't matter
84-What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?
That shampoo smell, not a perfume or cologne type. Doesn't matter
85-What is your favorite season?
I have only experienced summer but I'll say summer
86-What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
New York, Los Angeles, Barcelona, Sydney and Rome
87-What are four things you can’t live without and why?
Food, because I will die.. and I love it too much to ever give it up.
My laptop, there's so much you cannot do without one
Books, I love to read
Pen, there's that satisfying feeling or writing something down
88-Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?
Not into mythological creatures..
89-What’s your favorite television show?
Glee
90-Favorite place to shop at?
Don't have a preferred place. I am of limited wealth and my body type doesn't help
91-Say 2 facts about your favorite things:
My guitar reminds me that music isn't only about singing. A pen reminds me that I am in control of words and where it goes.
Friends
106-Would you ever smile at a stranger?
yes, I have done it a lot of times
107-Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
No preferences but it would be nice to have a balance
108-Who is someone you never tire of?
Francine, so far she's the only one
109-Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Francine, Ling Jin and Harman. Funny how some names just appear and some just stay on
110-Who is your most loyal friend?
Ling Jin
111-Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Yes
112-If your best friend died, what would you do?
I wouldn't want to imagine, I would die too
113-Something you’ve lied about.
A lot of things
114-Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes
115-Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):
She loves purples. She loves raves but she likes to read. She's like Belle with a strong sense of real adventure. She loves cats and she's like one too. I think I am losing her, I think it's just me but it seems like she doesn't need me anymore.
Relationships
116-The last person you hugged?
Liyana
117-Story of your first kiss?
LOL, it scared me and I didn't expect it
118-Do you like kissing in public?
I don't mind
119-Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
LOL yes
120-You have a preference for boys or girls?
They are both fine but girls smell so much better
121-Is the male or female body closest to perfection?
Female for sho!
127-What is the first thing you noticed in someone?
Their smile
128-Are looks important in a relationship?
To me, they are not
129-What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
Straight teeth
130-What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
I prefer someone older but not more than 3 years
131-Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?
Yeah
133-Do you have a crush on anyone?
Yes
134-A description of the girl/boy you like:
He's a gentleman, he is intelligent, he is literally everything I want in a guy
135-Say 1 fact about the person you like:
Gentleman
136-If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
You like her right? Go after her
137-When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
I said that a lot of times but to mean it when I say it, it's quite some time ago
138-Do you think someone has feelings for you?
I don't know
139-Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
My little brother maybe
140-Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
Yes
141-Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Yes, still a painful memory
142-Anyone you’re giving up on?
Yep, gave up already
143-Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yeahh
144-Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
HAHAHAHAH everyone had something against my first boyfriend
145-Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
My first boyfriend was one
146-Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
yes but I didn't know if they meant it
147-Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?
yes
148-Is there someone you will never forget?
yes
153-What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
They sent me a card for my birthday and I didn't expect them to remember
154-What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
He bought me jellybeans which I haven't eaten, gave me sweets and a plush koala bear
157-Are you in love?
I wouldn't say that I am
158-Are you in a relationship?
Nope
159-If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
skip
160-Are relationships ever worth it?
depends, for me, it depends
161-Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
I don't know
162-Can you commit to one person?
yes, it's my best quality
163-Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
HAHAHAHA yes
164-Do you ever want to get married?
yes
165-Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
Don't know
167-Do you get jealous easily?
Not sure
168-The last time you felt jealous, and why?
because I used to be important
169-What is your definition of cheating?
When you have to delete messages to avoid your SO from seeing them, you're on the way there
170-Have you ever been cheated on?
no
171-Do you forgive betrayal?
Not usually
172-Have you ever cheated on someone?
Nay
173-Why did your last relationship fail?
because of trust issues and I was young and foolish
174-Things you want to say to an ex:
We clarified a lot of things when we last talked.
175-A description of the person you dislike the most:
I don't particularly dislike anyone
176-If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
If I still love them, yes
177-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
I have had two boyfriend before
178-How long was your longest relationship?
5 years on and off
179-You’ll love me if…
I change..?
180-Share a relationship story:
My first boyfriend used to cook for me. He was my best friend. He made me laugh, made me smile. he wasn't the best but he was good enough for me. When it ended, I was so angry at him for so many things. When I talked to him recently, the three hours were used to travel down memory lane where we relieve old jokes and laughs. Then, he told me he really loved me when he dated me and I have always thought that he was playing me all these time after. It was a better "I hope you have a good life" after the talk. I will always have a best friend in him.
Music, movies and books
181-How often do you listen to music?
Whenever I feel like it
182-What kind of music you like?
Acoustic, bands
183-Do you like to dance?
yeah, I enjoy it
185-Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
yes
186-Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past:
Leave Out All The Rest - Linkin Park
187-A song that’s been stuck in your head:
It's been peaceful in my head lately
188-Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:
6 Months - Hey Monday
Give Love a Try - Jonas Brothers
Body Count - Justin Timberlake
Hold It Against Me - Britney Spears
Without You - Usher and David Guetta
How to be a Heart breaker - Glee Cover
Apologize - One Republic
Firework - Katy Perry
The Little Things - Colbie Calliat
Runnin' Around - Colbie Calliat
189-A book you want to read/have recently read:
I don't have the mood to read yet
190-Describe your dream library:
Non-fiction, autobiographies, fiction
191-Last movie you just watched:
But I'm a Cheerleader
192- what type of movies do you like watching?
"Based on true story", realistic, non-action movies, comedies
Situations and crazy things
193-You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?
my wrist
194-What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?
Killing someone accidentally
195-If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?
Peter Pan
196-You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?
My Parents
197-If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
The way I reacted to thins
198-If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?
Potassium, it would be so easy to reply people with a K.
199-If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
year 2012
200-You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?
Big ass sword, "We fight!"
201-If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?
Lots of rollercoasters and race tracks with a lot of water rides
202-What is the first curse word that comes to mind?
fuck
203-What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…
Wow... I don't remember going to a party.. That's sad
204-Halloween costume idea?
Zombie, Peter Pan or Mulan
205-How you’d spend ten thousand bucks?
Go shopping with my family
206-Press ctrl+v and post:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/971611_10151464977507781_29028348_n.jpg
207-Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you hate for a month? Explain why.
Someone that I love, then it'll be like a very very long date
208-5 things within touching distance:
Mouse, speakers, contact lens liquid, Apollo strawberry layer cakes, room key
209-A drunken story:
Almost went further than intended with one of my close friends who is a girl
210-What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Nothing, exams are over
211-Currently wanting to see anyone?
I would love to
212-Why you follow me?
who are you?
213-If you met me what would you do?
I am sure you are nice, I'll talk
214-Leave me a ridiculous question:
Do you wash your underwear yourself?
215-Leave me a cute message:
Hi lovely, hope your day was well
Monday, September 23, 2013
Vulnerability #1
He was so close to me. I could slowly feel his body warmth as he inched closer to lie next to me. I felt his gaze on me, it's like he was watching me. I didn't want to open my eyes. I mean, I refused to. When I did, all I could do was to just stare at the ceiling while wishing that my mind was as blank as the ceilings were.
This moment is perfect, it's so perfect that it couldn't be real. It couldn't. I was so scared and all I could do was just tremble.What if..? What if I open my eyes and it's only a dream? What if I wake up? What if I do love him and it's just me, again? What if, just what it?
I felt him bury his face in my hair and I can hear him inhale. He wrapped his arms around me to pull me closer and I let him. His right thumb stroked my arm slowly and tenderly. I felt goosebumps on my arms and all I wanted to do was to just lie there forever, in his arms. I took every ounce of strength that I had to not break down. I was terrified and there was nothing that I can do.
This moment is perfect, it's so perfect that it couldn't be real. It couldn't. I was so scared and all I could do was just tremble.What if..? What if I open my eyes and it's only a dream? What if I wake up? What if I do love him and it's just me, again? What if, just what it?
I felt him bury his face in my hair and I can hear him inhale. He wrapped his arms around me to pull me closer and I let him. His right thumb stroked my arm slowly and tenderly. I felt goosebumps on my arms and all I wanted to do was to just lie there forever, in his arms. I took every ounce of strength that I had to not break down. I was terrified and there was nothing that I can do.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Little things: Kindness
Meet Jason Kam.
I met him during the Swedish House Mafia Concert.
Why does he have a post?
Because I don't ever want to forget why I enjoyed this concert
and how he made me feel less alone during the entire concert.
Like I've said, I met him at the concert.
He was standing beside me and we talked.
He was the only person that I knew that was around me when the concert started.
They.. Well, we got separated
and they really.. didn't bother to pull me next to them. I guess.
They *I believe* think that I will be fine
because getting separated is not something you can avoid.
*breathe*
Wow, really?
You guys didn't even try to get me next to you.
Yeah, not a big deal.
Oh shit. Why did I bring this up?
And now, it hurts all over again.
*deep breathe*
Anyway, when the concert started, I was literally alone.
When I saw that he was still next to me,
I was secretly grateful. Like sincerely grateful.
He would randomly look at me and smile during the concert.
Sometimes, he would tap my shoulder and ask if I'm okay and vice versa.
I caught him looking at me a few times.
He was the person that I partied with during the whole concert.
I expected my best friend to be the one who I'll be shouting song lyrics with,
dancing and pointing at the sky with,
to jump up and down and stamp on each other toes with.
She was.. Occupied.
And no, it was him.
Halfway during the concert,
he told me that he'll be right back 'cause he had to look for his brother.
I couldn't say, "No, stay here!"
I nodded and shouted, "Okay!" over the music.
I really didn't expect him to come back.
I was sad to see him go.
I remember telling myself,
if he's not back after two songs and if I am tired, I'll leave.
Like I've said, I didn't expect him to come back
but I still turned my head to check.
And to my surprise, he was already smuggling through the crowd
trying to get back to the spot next to me.
All I could think of was
"You came back for me."
I was sincerely happy to see him.
He was my companion for the concert
and he came back.
I expected him to leave or go to his friends but no.
He was next to me for the next 6 hours.
Near the end of the concert, I was honestly tired.
All I wanted to do is sleep.
I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I turned around and it was him.
He told me he was going to the toilet.
I really didn't want to be there alone and I needed water.
So, I left the party zone to buy water.
After going to the toilet, he came back, to me.
I am still confused why he stuck by me when there are better people to be around with.
Then, the concert was over.
Time to look for the people who really didn't care about where I was , LOL!
I would write out why they HAD to look for me
but I guess I'll never forget even if I don't write it down.
I found my friends as he found his.
Of course, we walked with out friends.
Mine were a pair who were dating.
They were holding hands and stuff, which I don't mind.
But it's like they didn't even notice my existence.
They were engaged into their lovey-dovey conversation.
They only talked to me for the 5 secs because they needed water.
And then, I was left alone again.
I was walking beside them, or at least trying to.
But I had never felt so isolated.
And then, I stopped trying to make myself look like I am with them.
I just stopped trying entirely.
I lagged behind them, putting distance between us just because it's easier to focus on my own steps.
Left. Right. Left Right. Ouch, Loose Rock, Skip.
just because it hurts less not trying.
I remember looking up, desperately trying to push away the pain,
desperately trying not to feel.
I saw him looking back.
He was a few feet in front of my friends and he was searching,
for me.
I knew that because when his eyes meet mine, he smiled.
He stepped to the side and waited for me to pass him.
When I did, he walked with me.
He said, "Follow me" and I obeyed.
Slowly, we pasted my friends and they followed us.
They were somehow really slow and we got separated.
But this time, I wasn't afraid of getting lost or anything
because he was with me.
It wasn't because I liked him or anything.
It was simply just because he was there when there wasn't anyone there
When I was with him, the pain left and I could breathe again.
He lead the road but he kept turning back to make sure that I was following him.
Then, to avoid him from straining his neck,
I held on to his shoulder.
He was okay with that, so I held on and never let go.
When my hand did slip off, he immediately turned his head over to see if I'm still there.
He guided me out of Sunway Lagoon, walked me out of the entrance.
My friends were gone.
My phone had no bars so I couldn't call them.
He offered to call for me even when his phone is low of battery.
My friends picked up, they sound so pissed off at me.
They literally growled "Where are you!?"
I guess they were sleepy?
Hah, yeah.
He had to meet his friends but I couldn't find mine.
I didn't want to keep him from his friends
and I knew the place well enough to find the entrance
but he insisted on staying with me until I found my friends.
Of course, his friends called and he had to leave but
not without telling me where I had to go to find my friends.
He asked me for my number and I gave him a hug goodbye
while thanking him again and again for being there the entire night.
I really feel the need to treat him to dinner
because I feel like I owe the whole night to him
and also I get to see him again.
He never gave me a straight answer why he stayed with me the entire time
but I am entirely grateful for him.
Of course, I found my friends and we went back to the room that I rented,
Yeah, the reason why they HAD to look for me, LOL
It hurt the whole time but because of Jason,
it didn't hurt as much.
I was stupid to think back and write about this
because it's a record of what caused what I was trying not to feel
but because I didn't want to forget what Jason did,
I wrote this.
It broke me to remember the painful details because I don't forget.
I see the little details and I remember every single thing.
It breaks me to think and remember about it
but I will not forget the guy who never left me and made my night.
I prayed to God before the concert because I know already what I would get from my friends.
I said, "Dear God, in times like these, I pray for safety to, during and from this concert.
I am not very religious but I know God answered my prayers by giving my Jason for the night.
I thank Jason and I thank God.
Enough ranting now.
I hope there are more people like Jason in the world because they make the world the go round by just being there.
Even though, I wished I didn't go to the concert due to obvious reasons but I am grateful that I did when I think of him.
Thank you, Jason, if you're "lucky enough" to read this, which means that I have humiliated myself.
But, thank you for being there when no one else was there
and for making me remember the importance of the little things like such.
Swedish House Mafia Concert
We Went. We Raved. We Loved.
It was amazing :)
My first concert was amazing.
The lights were incredible.
The crowd had the best energy ever.
The feeling of everything was simply good.
For the first time, I felt like I am part of something bigger, something important that happened.
I remember seeing the raindrops in the spotlight and tasting it.
I remember being in synced with the crowd, singing and jumping.
I remember turning to my right and having Jason smile at me.
I remember not feeling lonely because he was with me.
I remember the adrenalin that rushed through my body when I first got to the venue.
I remember the excitement when SHM played the first song.
I remember standing in the drizzling rain with my phone up in the air, hoping to capture the pictures and videos.
I remember say "ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit.." when it started to rain because my phone was out.
I remember being able to look at up in the air and smile, giving thanks to God for the chance to be there.
I remember living in those moments, second by second.
I remember being happy for myself for making this far in life, alive.
I remember being happy for being at the concert for me, not anyone else.
I remember being thankful for every single second that lead up to that concert,
And they say when you live in the moment, you'll feel infinite.
That's exactly what it felt like under the dancing lights and booming bass.
Despite the pain that I felt before, during and after the concert and also the day after the concert,
everything else was good.
I have no regrets :) x
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