Stars, parks and possibilities.

I want to watch the stars with you. I want to lie on top of a cheap blanket, in a park with you. We can complain about the amount of bugs that will be feasting on our very limited but tasty blood. We can also get annoyed at the possibly wet and prickly grass underneath the cheap blanket. Then, I know we'd probably agree unanimously that we'll never do that again.

However, in spite of how much we suffered, I think we'll keep going back to that spot to look at stars. We'll be smart. This time, the blankets will be around us. We'll probably be on a bench, with a blanket to keep us warm and protected, under a blanket of stars, The funny thing is that I'll probably be the one to plan this and it'll either be adorably romantic or horribly miscalculated.

Either way, I'll still want to watch the stars with you. If you'd let me, we could forget the stars for while.

Day 7 of 30 Day Poem Challenge: Take a walk until you find a tree you identify with, then write a poem using the tree as a metaphor for yourself or your life.

There were a lot of trees being cut down recently due to MRT construction. So, we went from having little shade to literally no shade. I feel no particular attachment to any of the trees but I get it? How charming, I get what a tree is.

I am a living, breathing being,
I was created for a reason, created for a purpose.
That might not be known for now, but
I'll do my best with this life I am given.

I will work hard and adapt.
So that, I can grow nowhere but up.
Let it be known that, I will not forget my roots, my morals and where I come from.
I will be as humble as the earthworm in the ground.
My head will be not be in the clouds without caution.
For storms, they can make you tremble or sometimes, even bring you to the ground
but don't forget your roots,
you can grow again, anew.

One day, when you are strong enough, wise enough,
you can bring comfort to those who were once like you,
small, new but growing.
I still don't know my purpose in life,
somehow I am content to live with whatever life throws at me.
I guess, the idea of living life to the fullest isn't such a bad idea.
That is if I never find out a greater purpose to my existence.

Day 15 of 30 challenge: What’s something you wish you could say to that someone?

Depending on what and who someone. I have so many things that I would like to say to a lot of people but there's always one. She caused me so much pain. Too much and I practically died from it. I'm a very very different person now. No, I don't need people telling me, I feel it, which is sad.

Dear you,

You fucked me up. Do you know that you completely fucked me up? All you said, this entire time, was "get over it", "try harder" and "what do you want me to do?" What do I want you to do? Tell me we are still friends. Tell me that you still need me in your life even though we don't hang out anymore. Tell me that you don't want to see me anymore. Tell me I am dead to you and you were using me all along. Fucker, do something about it. I did everything I could and it's up to you. You fucker, what do I want you to do? I want you to fucking suffer as I watch on.

I can't look through my phone's photo album because you are in 60% of all the photos. I can't listen to songs because there are so many songs that are associated with you. I remember the movies that you liked and realized even though I also liked them, I can never see them as MY movies because YOU liked them. My favorite songs are desecrated by the memories of you. Fuck you.

I can list out all the random things about you. I don't know how much about you has changed but I don't think I care now. You have been the biggest mistake that I have ever made. You were the one that made me hit rock bottom by just telling me to do so. The worst thing is that I'd do it because you said so, just like how a siren makes a sailor meet his death. You were a fucked person from the beginning. I should have seen that. I know that I refused to because I honestly loved you.

I remember the day that you didn't come to school because you got your stomach pumped. I remember the day where you fainted outside the classroom. I remember the morning you called when you got into an accident. I remember the night that you called when you were in Spain. I remember the day when you surprised me with you already back from Spain. I remember travelling to the Philippines with you. I remember tucking you into bed when you were so drunk. I remember acting as a look out whenever you wanted to smoke at home. I remember waking up at 1am to drive you to get your car which died earlier that day on a hill. I remember wrapping my arms around you while you cried and feeling completely helpless. I remember crying, telling you that I couldn't stop bleeding and all you could do is scream at me. I remember crying again, telling you how I feel and you frowning, telling me to try harder. I remember sitting in front of you, begging you to see that I am trying my best and you just coldly telling me to try harder again. You're a fucker.

You are a bitch, a fucked up asshole that threw me aside but kept me close enough so that it's be easier for you when you needed me. Now that you have a new group of friends, you completely ignored me. I never received any phone calls or messages from you anymore. Everything you said about loving me and me being someone that you trusted was a lie. If I was so important to you, why was it so easy to kick me out of your life? It's like you never existed now.

I don't remember what your laugh sounds like. I forgot what you sound like when you're happy. I forgot what your different smiles mean, or maybe all of them are just different depths of lies. I don't remember how you'd react when you're stressed. I don't remember if you like sushi or not. I don't remember your shoe size or the prescription of your eyesight. I don't remember what you look like when you're happy. I don't remember if you hated spinach or not. I don't remember the kind of pen that you use or your Starbucks order or your favorite book or if you ever loved me.

You broke me. Do you understand that, you broke me? Just like he broke you back in July 2011. The only difference is that I was holding you in your car while you were crying during a thunderstorm. I'm here now, feeling every ounce of this pain but I'm alone. I gave you everything, my time, my energy, my whole being. You said, "Not everyone will screw you over. I won't." Fuck you, I still remember that. It was in your study room. You were wearing that grey jumper from Philippines with your hair in a bun. You looked me in the eye when you said that. I honestly believed you then. Oh god, I really loved you.

You were the last person that I would ever hurt. Clearly, it's not the same with you. Do you even understand the thing with me now? I cannot feel anything more than a glimpse of pain. I cannot cry, nothing. When I was writing the paragraph above, I was so so close to tears and then, poof, gone. It's like my mind blocked it completely. It is a good thing for me though sometimes because I'd imagine beating you up and I'd just hit you over and over and over and over again. It doesn't even bother me that I might kill you. Or I'd just bludgeon him and make you watch.

I have no mercy for you now. I won't mind doing something that will cause you pain. I'd make sure to be a witness to it. Just like Regina from Once Upon A Time, your suffering will be my happy ending. I don't understand what you did, I don't think I'll ever understand it. You're a fucker. You're a fucked up person. I pity everyone who loves you because you'd just throw them away just like you did with everyone else. I know so much about you, and now I see it. You have no one close because you throw all of them away when they served their purpose.

Fuck you, F. I really loved you but now, fuck you. You'd never understand and I don't expect you to anymore.

Things that I found to be true after 21 years of living.

1. Eating good food everyday is not exactly a blessing, indigestion follows closely after that.
2. It should make a difference when someone loves you.
3. Good teachers may not necessarily be good people.
4. Apologizing always eases the tension after a fight.
5. You will always remember the people that you used to love. You will remember every detail of how you come to stop loving them. It will still hurt you, even if you're over it.
6. You will have dreams of killing people that pissed you off in real life, it's okay.
7. It's also okay to want a goat, an alpaca and a flying carpet.
8.You may stray a little growing up but you will go back to doing what you love. For me, it's writing and reading.
9. Growing up is shit. And very painful.
10. You will really REALLY love a person. They will eventually screw you over because that's what people do.
11. Being friends with yourself is nice, you don't really go wrong there.
12. Don't fall in love because everyone else had someone. You don't need anyone, you can survive very well on your own.
13. Make new friends, they can change and probably save your life.
14. Invest in a hobby, You're doing it for you, there's nothing wrong with that.
15. It's okay to want to punch people in the face but it's not okay if you actually do it. I'm sure you're not sorry after doing it.
16. It's okay to want to make people hurt just like how they hurt you. It will help you grieve.
17. It's okay to kiss guys and girls, as long as they don't belong to someone.
18. Writing is good for the soul, well, your soul. I don't know about other people.
19. It's okay to not love someone who loves you. If it's not there, it's not your fault.
21. It's okay to not follow the order of numbers because it's my blog, fuck you.
22. Everyone has their own stories of happiness and loss. Listen because they help you understand life more.
23. You can do so much more than you want to give yourself credit for. Don't be fucking modest, they get you nowhere.
24. You will want to change for someone, you will not want to listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. It's cool, you'll come back.
25. There will be days where you want to stay in bed, then stay in bed, play Sims 3 and starve.
26. Swearing is not okay or polite but you will start swearing because everyone is swearing. You will continue swearing because you won't know how to fucking stop swearing.
27. Sadness will always be a comfort zone and you will not be able to understand it but you will get out of it, slowly.
28. There will be days where you would want someone to love you but it's still cool if you don't feel like that two hours after.
29. Loving a guy is cool, loving a girl is cool too. You're able to love, unlike Voldermort.
20. The best "day" of your life will be a collection of moments that you don't want to forget: The way someone looks at you. The way that someone smiled at you. That day when you laughed so hard that you thought you beat depression. The day where you are happy to be alive.
30. Birthdays aren't all that special. It's just how you see the birth of yourself. YOU. Not anyone else, so congratulate yourself for making it this far. I would know, my birthday was just yesterday.

Happiness seen in a moment.

"I was there for a while and then, I.." I watched him while he was telling me a story. I had asked him about his life and the kind of changes that took place. He was said to be a very busy person but he seemed content. I was positively curious, and somehow intrigued.

I watched him as he talked about his move from a city to another big city, his "dead-end" job that he later quit after 4 months. He was animated and on the roll. His story consisted of misfits, mistakes, misheard directions and mischief. His tone was light as he described the tall and grey skyscrapers that pretty much resembled skeletons of the post-apocalyptic world in some movie that I have never heard of. It was like a little boy telling his mother about his day. He was excited and enthusiastic, and simply full of life.  

I asked him if he regretted moving so much because he mentioned that he was homeless once. I was genuinely concerned because to be homeless in a city that you have never been in is a completely disaster. He was amused with my question and it puzzled me. He obviously saw the puzzlement on my face because he answered immediately, "Yeah, it was horrible but I wouldn't change it for the world." I cocked my head to the side, now I was confused. I honestly thought that I was talking to a man who was completely out of it. He was casual, actually a little too casual which increases my curiosity but I patiently waited for his next sentence, as it looks like it was at the tip of his tongue.

"Then a few months later, I met her." He said, again in his casual tone. Then, something happened. He smiled, right after he said "her". No, it's not the type when you're trying to be nice. It's the type where you can tell the thought of "her" makes his world stop. His eyes closed in reflex and you can see the creases at the side of his eyes. His lips curled up involuntarily as he broke into a full, teeth-showing smile. His cheeks turned pink as he lowered his head at the thought of her. I have never seen someone so happy in a long time.

"You love her?" I asked. 

He nodded as he looked up to meet my eyes. "I love her so much." Just like this, his world made sense and his life was better. From that, I understood that spirit of his. He was happy about the good things, he wasn't even bothered by the bad things. Nothing can touch him, he can conquer the world, for her. The rest of our conversation continued from there. The smile on his face never faltered.

After that, I can never stop replaying the way he smiled at the though of her. It was so rare, so genuine and so human. He loves her and it shows on his face that he would give anything for her. Maybe being in love isn't bad thing, I can't be sure though. However, the thing at the moment was that he was happy so I was happy for him. 

Day 12 of 30 challenge: What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?

Obviously from the last post, you'd know that when I love, I really love. My biggest fear when it comes to relationships is that when they leave me, I wouldn't be able to put myself back together.

It happened to me though. No, it's not a relationship, I didn't date that person but we had a real relationship, as in connection. That person was the first person that I really truly loved and that person was one of the most important person of my life. it happened to me because I didn't think that they would leave.

I trusted that person, I love that person. When they left, I felt like I was dropped on my butt. I thought that I had felt the worst of pains when something similar happened to me when I was 15 but I was wrong. I was devastated. I was at a sense of loss that I didn't understand, I felt like a compass that forgot where North is. I was completely useless to everyone because all I wanted to do was to go back to that person, or at least to that person I once knew.

There were days where I couldn't breathe, as if holding my breath was easier because every breath was just as painful as a stab to the chest. Actually, I would take that stab to the chest, thank you very much. Everyday felt like I was drowning but I couldn't die. I was in so much pain that I didn't know how to function without wanting to scream every single time I took a step. then, this numbness took over and I thought numbness was suppose to make you numb. No, it burned and the pain intensified, screaming just does nothing to help. I don't understand how I could still be alive right now.

I still feel it everyday. Every god damn day. You don't just get over this kind of pain, you feel it everyday, the after effects, everything. It doesn't leave you. The pain and burning and panic comes once in a while, and when I see that person, everything that I felt would come back, it'd be like it never left. I paid so dearly with that one time when I let my guard, my whole guard down. I was destroyed and I couldn't pick myself up after.

That person tells me to open up because I needed to and they were the last person that I opened up to. Fuck you, letting you in was the biggest mistake of my life. You destroyed me, completely utterly destroyed me. You left me there in pieces and you expect me to be okay just because you said I would be? You gave me pain, pain that I didn't understand and I didn't know human beings are supposed to feel this kind of pain. Congratulations, you have rendered me completely useless and broken me beyond repair, my repair.

Are you proud of yourself? Will this be added to your lists of accomplishments? Will you do this to other people too? BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, I STILL LOVE YOU. I still want you to be happy, I want you to smile, I still want the best for you.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, AFTER EVERYTHING YOU PUT ME THROUGH, I STILL LOVE YOU. God, help me, I still love you so much and I don't know what to do.

List of things I should have known by now: March 2014

1. Laundry really only takes a while to do, I shouldn't procrastinate. AT ALL.
2. Dishes, really. It's the same concept as laundry.
3. Changing your bed sheets make your bed feel more comfy.
4. It's okay to feel betrayed, just reason with yourself why you shouldn't feel it for long.
5. It's okay to be lonely, you'll learn to appreciate company of all different forms.
6. When you're hungry, just eat.
7. It's okay to indulge a little, you'll feel better.
8. Pain goes away. Eventually.
9. You'll never stop caring, or loving.
10. It's okay to have bad days.
11. Some stains really don't come off clothings.
12. Sadness comes with bad days but it's temporary, even if it doesn't seem so.
13. If it hurts, don't do it again.
14. Always be desperate enough to find hope.
15. Writing always helps.
16. You are your best friend.
17. It's okay to forgive.
18. Hurting is not how you want to live.
19. Being able to breathe is not a bad thing.
20. Pain goes away. Eventually

Love, unconditional.

There are all sorts of love in this world. The one that I'll focus on now is the unconditional kind, the kind that will always make you care no matter what. It's the kind that you know will never change, just the way you show it.

It is mature but knowing when to laugh at the childish stuff. It is protective but trusting them enough to let them venture out. It is not forceful but you know when to talk senses into them when they make a decision. It is observant but you step in when you need to. It is just loving the person no matter what happens between you two. It is wanting the best for each other, always being there no matter what and just trusting that they won't ever leave you. The most important thing is that they are happy, no matter what. It is a big bet and a big risk, it will hurt at some point but it takes a few cracks while using time as a catalyst to make it stronger.

You can't learn how to love people unconditionally. There is no complete checklists. There are certain traits to it but things and circumstances change so it's not absolute but I assure you that you WILL know when you love someone unconditionally because you feel it.

\

I saw you laughing with them. You were so happy. My eyes lingered on you, I know I will pay for it later which is what I am currently doing. You looked beautiful, big smiles and all. It was a nice scene to witness. I gave myself a small smile. Yep, definitely feel it coming. It was worth it, I guess. 

And I looked away.

tumblr musings #9

Sometimes I feel like I’m not solid. I’m hollow. There’s nothing behind my eyes. I’m a negative of a person. All I want is blackness, blackness and silence

tumblr musings #7

“I am nothing. I’m like someone who’s been thrown into the ocean at night, floating all alone. I reach out, but no one is there. I call out, but no one answers. I have no connection to anything.”

relapse

It's not really relapse I just
didn't have the time to do it.

I forgot how it felt
to have a new blade
run across your wrist.
It makes a very satisfying scratching sound
and I feel the adrenalin rush.
It's like oxygen was pumped into my lungs
and I can breathe again.

I know it's bad
I know you wouldn't understand it
I know it's bad
but I need to function
I need to breathe
I need to be okay
I need to survive.

Reflection.

tell me
tell me if
it's possible
for someone to fall apart
without giving anything away?

\

Yes.

I just felt my insides died
I think my toes and fingers went numb
something somewhere in my chest just clenched
and now,
I can't feel anything
I can't feel my face muscles,
it's like I'm drunk
without consuming alcohol.
My airway feels constricted and
I feel like I'm choking
because my lungs,
they are rejecting oxygen
All I can do is hyperventilate
and gasped silently for air,
which is obviously not working.
I literally feel myself crumbling into pieces
and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
Now, my bones and everything
start to hurt
and all I want to do is
curl up in my bed,
close my eyes,
sleep
and hopefully, just maybe,
die

All these happened
while I'm staring at myself
in the mirror.

tumblr musings.

Perhaps
the reason you hated yourself
so much
has to do with the fact that
you've poured
all
your love into
someone else
and
left none for yourself

or maybe
you didn't think you deserve any love
even from yourself
so you gave it all away instead

Scars.

I stroke the wounds that closed up. It gives an oddly calming feeling, allowing me to slowly breathe. Seeing the other scars that gleam silver under white lights, again, it's oddly calming. These parts of myself are the ones that I would not change because I feel like I am not the person that I am now without them. Scars that are etched almost everywhere, left forearm, both wrists, legs and abdomen. They are a part of me.

I've accepted them and they are the flaws that I am okay with and I identify with. I wouldn't say it's a good thing but it is a part of me.

In times of struggle, they seem to be the most beautiful things ever because it reminds me that I am capable of healing.

Tell me that I'm crazy but you don't know what kind of crazy you will be accusing me of.

revelation.

up until now I have sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

In times of loveliness, I learn to hurt physically, whatever it took to nuetralize this monster called feelings. I'd destroy myself bit by bit. They say that it's called chipping away bits and pieces of what's good about you.

You can't chip away or destroy what you don't have.

I try to be content with loneliness, because I don't have to watch you pretend to care while I continue the destruction of me.

I'd rather die than to give someone else the power to destroy me.

impossible to feel so much in a go.

it's not humanly possible to be consumed with rage, crippled with pain, bursting with happiness and clouded from depression.

it is not possible for the brain to even register all this information at the same time.

it is not possible for a person to feel so much that there's nothing you can do about it but to feel everything.

Empty.

I don't know how to describe how I feel right now. And I am very sure that I will spent the next two paragraphs trying to do just that.

It's just empty and you just feel like you're sinking.

I want to scream but I can't. And I feel like crying. By doing that, I don't think it can sum up to exactly what I  am feeling.

I'll go to sleep earlier today, I hope my mind can shut up. I'm just sad, I guess. I want a hug but obviously, I want one from someone specific.

Well, good night for now.

On leaving your place and people you call home.

Three nights ago,
I cried myself to sleep.
I was home, in bed.
Knowing that I am leaving, home.
You'd think that
you'd get used to the goodbyes to your family,
friends, home.
You'd think that all the loneliness will fade
and you'd be accustomed to being alone, by now.

However,
I don't think that people,
I, can get used to leaving
the people I love behind.

Then, I cried myself to sleep
the next night after the first.
My dreams were messy,
there was running and no ends.
No goals, no finish line,
I was running from something but
I don't know what.

I didn't cry
the night before I left.
I didn't feel anything, I was
smiling.
I guess, I malfunctioned.

I cried when I was on the plane.
I hyperventilated to stop, it worked pretty well.
My best friend said that she misses me already.
Then, I thought about the last few times that
we hung out.
I remember feeling complete.
I remember being safe.
I remember being home.
I remember looking at her, and just laughing
because she made a look.
I miss her again and maybe, more
when I think about it.
I cried harder.

I reached my dorm.
I remember that
I won't hear my little brother run up the stairs.
I can't hear my brother singing in the shower.
I can't call my best friend to go out.
The jiggle of keys, the way the place smells.
The sound of water pumping and the way my bed feels.
It's familiar but
it's not home.
I sat up from my bed and
I cried.

I like quizzes.

This survey gets a little personal can you handle ?

Bring it on, bitches!

Can you take this without deleting any questions?

Bring it!

Your ex calls you, what do you say?

I say hi, what's up?

When were you on the phone last and with who?

The shop telling me that my contacts lens are here

Want someone back in your life?

Define someone

What are you excited for?

Sunday

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?

Melisa, she is currently reading my blog LOL

Are you scared to fall in love?

 I love but I don't fall in love.

Do you think teenagers can be in love?

I don't think they are capable of staying in love

Do you find it hard to trust others?

Not really? but it doesn't mean that  don't take it seriously.

Do you care too much/not at all/just enough?

Usually I'm the one who cares and loves too much

How fast does your mood change?

Usually, it doesn't. It just looks like it but it doesn't

I bet you miss somebody right now?

you betcha

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?

I can, actually.

Why do you think so many people cheat?

I have a lot to say about this. So why don't you wait for the book?

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?

I think every girl has.

When did you last talk to your number 1?

Few days ago

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Not everything. My everything person is still a girl.

Has anyone walked out of your life in the past 2 weeks?

No.

What pissed you off last?

Parents and their gibberish

Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?

Bring it, biatch

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yes :)

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Different depths for different people. I would have to say Melisa and Francine

Are you going on vacation this coming summer?

We have no summer here

Waiting for someone to call?

No one ever calls LOL

Does anyone love you?

Define love.

Is anyone in love with you?

I know one.

Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Liyana is ma KL homie!

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?

We all drift apart but sometimes, it doesn't mean that anything has changed.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an R, A and T?

yes LOL

Missing someone you shouldn't be?

Nay

Have you ever been heartbroken?

Yes, I broke down and called my best friend.

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?

No, they disapprove but they say, as long as I am happy.

Do you have a best friend?

I have a few actually

So far, which school year has been the best?

2011 was one of the best. I would say that I was very happy but this year might top that x

Do you hate anyone?

Nah..

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

In real life, no.

Who will you be sleeping with tonight?

My imaginary boyfriend

Does anyone know your passwords other than you?

I gave my email and FB password to Francine but she can't remember it LOL

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Umm.. NO LOL

Last December, what was your love life like?

What love life?

When was the last time someone held your hand?

Grace, last week.

Want something you can't have?

Yup

Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE?

Yeah, but I'm debating to tell or not.

Has someone ever licked your cheek or forehead?

omg, you have no idea.

Where is the one boy/girl you want to see the most right now?

I miss too many people for it to be one.

Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars?

I sit, I slam on the accelerator, and I zoom.  

Do you hate the last guy/girl you were talking to?

No, I love her.

Last movie you watched?

Oblivion

What do you usually do right when you wake up?

Yawn and go back to sleep.

One thing you're looking forward to?

Sunday

Last night you felt..?

Insomnia kidnapped me

Are you taller than 5'5"?

I'm somewhat 5'5

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?

Feel free to ask, I don't know.

Did you speak to your father today?

Yup

How old is the oldest person on your myspace top friends?

Don't have myspace

How has this week been?

it's very chill and it has been a good week :)

What are you listening to?

Maroon 5- One More Night

How did you feel when you woke up today?

Hungry

What are you thinking about right now?

Titanic because "My Heart Will Go On" just came on

Do you wish someone was with you right now?

Yeah, Francine. I miss her company and I have her cat food LOL

What time did you go to sleep last night?

arpund 1.30?

Is someone on your mind right now?

Nah, it's blank. I keep thinking about Jack and Rose 'cause of the song

Do you believe in love?

I do but I'm just careful

Are you too forgiving?

No, on contrary..

When is the last time you cried?

A while ago

Who was the last person to call you?

Scroll up

Where were you in your default picture?

In my room. I was 17 then.

What do you want?

I want a hug

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Again, Scroll up.

When is the next time you will kiss someone?

You

Where do you wish you were right now?

I wish I was at the beach, listening to the waves

How do you feel about your life right now?

It sucks but it has it's moments. This song is making me sentimental.

Anyone upset you lately?

nah.

Is there someone you know you should hate, but you can't?

I love them more than I hate them.

Has someone put their arm around you in the past five days?.

Yup

Have you ever thrown a cell phone in anger?

I'd never LOL

What is the last thing you bought?

I bought the photos I needed to renew my license

When was your last argument?

Around Jan?

What kind of mood are you in?

I'm sentimental but hungry too 

What are your plans for the weekend?

Well, I'm not sure about tmrw (Sat) but I'm spending the Sunday with Francine.

Have you ever driven some one else's car?

Yes, my mum's.

What's one thing you do when you're mad?

I vent and vent and vent.

Are you afraid of needles?

Nope.

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?

Why would they? LOL

Who did you last talk to in person?

My mum.

When is the last time you went to the mall? & with who?

Francine. On Tuesday.

Do you know anyone who has been arrested?

Umm.. No.

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

Francine, Liyana, Melisa, Ling Jin, or Leroy

Are you a mama's child or a daddy's child?

Neither

Fact about the person you fell hardest for:

He was everything that I wanted

What is the last thing someone bought you?

Chicken McNuggets

Who was the last person you talked to last night in person before bed?

Umm.. I think it was my mum?

Have you made a mistake this past week?

define mistake.

What were you doing at 4am this morning?

I was asleep, thank God.

What’s something that can always make you feel better?

food :)

Do you have both a loud side and a quiet side?

Defintely

Are you a stressed out person?

Not all the time

If you could go back 6 months and change something would YOU ?

No, I won't change the events but I will change how I reacted to it.

I'll bet you miss someone right now?

Not necessarily

Who is the last person you high-fived?

Melisa

Do you have any bruises?

I have scars

Is there anybody that you like?

Yesh :3

Was yesterday better than today?

I got my full license today so yes, yes, it was.

Where did you go in a car last?

To JPJ and then, McD drive thru.

Would you go out in public looking like you do now ?

HAHAHAHAHHA HELL NO!

Do you remember your dreams?

Not really but there are parts of it that stays with me

Is it okay if you kiss people when you are single?

yes, but that is if it doesn't get you into trouble.

Have you everkissed anyone who's name starts with D, E, K, or T?

Nope.

Do you miss your past?

I don't want to relive it

Were you single on your last birthday?

LOLOLOLOLOL yes

What will you be doing tomorrow?

My brother wants me to go somewhere with him to pimp his car LOL

Who's the ugliest person you know?

You.

When was the last time you had to deal with the police?

Umm.. none

What's your goal for this next month?

Do better in my studies and to actually lose weight LOL no.

Whats your relationship status? why?

I am not sure but it's too complicated for me to explain here.

Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you back?

I did. I still do if it's people that I care about

What do you think about cocaine?

I don't even think about it

Do you have a reason to smile right now?

Now? Not really

How are you feeling?

Hungry.

Is there something you're not looking forward to?

Yes, Sunday. Words cannot describe how excited I am.

What is your favorite thing to shop for?

Food and shoes.

Would you rather have your parents catch you having sex or smoking weed?

smoking weed

Do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?

yes.

Do you wanna fix anything with anyone?

There's a reason why some things are broken so I'll just leave it.

Do you have trust issue?
I do actually.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?

Nope.

Have you ever broken someones heart?

I don't think so but I know how to.

Do you ever get good morning texts from anyone?

Yeah, if I'm lucky. I prefer sending them.

Random Ass Quiz from 2011 because I feel like it.

1. Last beverage→ Ribena

2. Last phone call→ the shop that I get my contact lens from

3. Last text message→ Melisa :)

4. Last song you listened to→ Cough Syrup by Young the Giant (currently)

5. Last time you cried?→ I don't remember but it was not recent

6. Dated someone twice → Been there, done that.

7. Been cheated on? → No

8. Kissed someone & regretted it? → Defo.

9. Lost someone special?→ yeah, I think everyone can relate to this

10. Been depressed?→ depression became a part of me a long time ago

11. Been drunk and threw up? → ask Francine ;)

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

Blue, purple and red. Bold colors in general.

HAVE YOU:

12. Made new friends → Yes, amazing ones :)

13. Fallen out of love → still trying to

14. Laughed until you cried → yes :)

15. Met someone who changed you → I am happy to have two in my life

16. Found out who your true friends were → definitely

17. Found out someone was talking about you → tell them I said hi

18. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ LOL yeah

19. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → define friend.

20. How many kids do you want to have→ two or three

21. Do you have any pets → Yeah, Chowder is my dog

22. Do you want to change your name→ Nah, I like my name

23. What did you do for your last birthday - I'd rather not, it wasn't a good memory for me

24. What time did you wake up today → 9.00am

25. What were you doing at midnight last night? → I think I was playing Subway Surfers

26. Name something you CANNOT wait for → Sunday, I get to spend the day with my best friend

27. Last time you saw your father→ just now

28. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I've accepted almost everything that happened in my life. I am happy where I am now, I wouldn't change anything.

29. What are you listening to right now → City of Dreams 

30. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Sadly, no

31. What's getting on your nerves right now? → it's a chill night 

32. Most visited web page → twiiter and facebook

33. What's your name→ Tryphena

34. Nicknames→ Depends on who is calling me but Try is widely used

35. Relationship Status: I'll get back to you on that.

36. Zodiac sign → Taurus

37. Male or female or transgendered → Female.

38. Elementary→ SJK(C) Chung Hwa Likas

39. high School → Kian Kok

40. college → HELP University

41. Hair color → Reddish brown with blonde highlights

42. Long or short → Longish

43. Height → 5'5

44. Do you have a crush on someone? → define crush.

45: What do you like about yourself? → the fact that I'll never have a bad relaionship with food

47. Tattoos → hmm.. it's a no for now.

48. Righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS :

49. First surgery → none

50. First piercing → Ears

51. First best friends → My earliest memory is Michelle and Zara

52. First sport you joined → Running and hurdlers. Ironically, now I hate running.

53. First pet → Dog. Lulu.. We've had it since I was born. She died :'(

54. First vacation → Don't know

55. First concert → Swedish House Mafia - One Last Tour

56. First crush → Don't really remember

RIGHT NOW:

57. Eating → I wish I have nuggets

58. Drinking → *getting up to get my water*

59. I'm about to → the water that I just got

60. Listening to → Justin Bieber - Common Denominator

61. Waiting for → myself to be sleepy

YOUR FUTURE :

62. Want kids? - it's something I would love to have

63. Want to get married? →it's up God

64. Careers in mind? → Journalist, reporter, editor, actress if I dream hard enough LOL

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

65. Lips or eyes → Eyes

66. Hugs or kisses → Both ;)

67. Shorter or taller → Taller

68. Older or Younger → Older

69. Romantic or spontaneous → Both.

70. Nice stomach or nice arms → Now that I'm older, both.

71. Sensitive or loud → sensitive

72. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship

73. Trouble maker or hesitant → a balance is good

HAVE YOU EVER :

74. Kissed a stranger → not yet LOL

75. Drank hard liquor → yeah

76. Lost glasses/contacts - contacts - down the sink. Glasses - Sunway Lagoon

77. Sex on first date → Never

78. Broken someone's heart → Not that I know of.

80. Been arrested → That'd be fun

81. Turned someone(s) down → Yeah, still trying to right now

82. Cried when someone died → Yeah..

83. Liked a friend that is a boy? → Yes?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself → I finally do

85. Miracles → used to. Not that I don't, it just doesn't happen to me.

86. Love at first sight → No.

87. Heaven → Yes

88. Santa Clause → Don't think I ever did

89. Kiss on the first date? → No.

90. Angels → Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

91. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Not exactly, I'm happy being alone

92. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → I have a personal against cheating

93. Posting this as 100 Truths? → Nah LOL

94. Have you eaten alot of chocolate in one day? Don't really like shocolate

95. Does your mother know what you're doing right now? I don't think so?

96. Do you dislike someone at school? define dislike.

97. Have you skipped class? HAHAAHAHAHA it was fun

98. Do you like to eat popcorn and chocolate together? Eww.. 

99. Have you beaten any boy in a sport? I don't do sports?

100. Will you now post this as 100 truths? Still, no.