Day 7 of 30 Day Poem Challenge: Take a walk until you find a tree you identify with, then write a poem using the tree as a metaphor for yourself or your life.

There were a lot of trees being cut down recently due to MRT construction. So, we went from having little shade to literally no shade. I feel no particular attachment to any of the trees but I get it? How charming, I get what a tree is.

I am a living, breathing being,
I was created for a reason, created for a purpose.
That might not be known for now, but
I'll do my best with this life I am given.

I will work hard and adapt.
So that, I can grow nowhere but up.
Let it be known that, I will not forget my roots, my morals and where I come from.
I will be as humble as the earthworm in the ground.
My head will be not be in the clouds without caution.
For storms, they can make you tremble or sometimes, even bring you to the ground
but don't forget your roots,
you can grow again, anew.

One day, when you are strong enough, wise enough,
you can bring comfort to those who were once like you,
small, new but growing.
I still don't know my purpose in life,
somehow I am content to live with whatever life throws at me.
I guess, the idea of living life to the fullest isn't such a bad idea.
That is if I never find out a greater purpose to my existence.

Love letters.

I'm sorry I can't write you a love letter.
No, I don't mean "those" letters.
You know, the ones that involve words like,
You and I, forever, house, children, mortgages,
and occasionally, your parents suck.
Love letters, the type I meant were
the ones where you tell them about a place that you went to
because they love the color red.
Then, you'd tell them about the person that you met recently
and how this person's laugh is similar to theirs.
Letters where profanities and insults were the language of endearment,
and I think, it will probably end with,
"Dude, text me. Why are you writing?"
Letters like these are never long,
sometimes they are a beautifully sculpted essay, using words such as,
flamboyant, combust, dynamic, serendipity.
Sometimes they are a random string of words, like
pizza, hippopotamus, Herbie, smelly, you.
Another thing about these letters is that
it made sense either way because it was written to you,
only you,
with love.

I can't write love letters anymore.
The last person I wrote to stopped talking to me,
and now, I am writing this to you
after deleting 290 photos of me and her at 3 in the morning.
I am not a person who is good with speech, or affection
or love, or relationships.
The only thing that allows me to properly explain the things that I feel
is a pen and paper.
Therefore, love letters, they are a manifestation of everything that I am afraid to say and
even everything that I refuse to say.
When I write to you,
no other thoughts but you will occupy my mind.
You will be my sole muse, my inspiration until the very last word
which is where I sign "Love, Tryphena"
I would use words to paint you like a picture, in hopes that
you would understand how I see you as a human being.
I have a knack for seeing things about people that are not noticed by many,
I'll tell you how you always keep your arms close to your body,
like somehow, you are trying to make yourself smaller or to preserve body heat.
I'll tell you how you always smile differently in pictures, especially the ones taken with me.
I'll tell you that people love you and you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't.
I'll tell you how you always change the topic to something else when it's a question that you didn't want to answer.
Then, to make things worse,
I'll tell you how different I am when I am with you.
I'll give you examples, references, citations, everything to show
how your existence is so important to me.
I'll tell you that you're the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep.
I'll tell you that I am comfortable with you, even when we're both in decade-old PJs.
I'll tell you that I check your "last seen" on whatsapp when I couldn't sleep.
I'll tell you that I never stopped loving you.

If I write you a love letter,
I am giving you my heart, my self-esteem, my self-worth on a silver platter.
If I write you a love letter,
you are given the ability to crush me into a million pieces in the time span that ranges from one millisecond,
to three years,
or more, your choice.
If I write you a love letter,
I am exposing myself to you in a way
that I later will suffer maximum damage from
if you ever plan on killing me.
If I write you a love letter,
I won't be able to take any of it back if you chose to leave,
and I will be left here with all the words that I ever wrote to you,
stuck in the back of my throat.

In spite of this,
if I write you a love letter,
you should know that I must really really love you.

Moments.

I crave the nights where it's just me and a bottle, or in some cases, bottles. I love how the bitterness of beer silenced the loud voices in my head, shocking me into the moment of then. I love how the cold surface of beer bottles cause water droplets to condense. My fingers will trace the patterns etched on the glass bottle and I will feel the temperature difference between the cold glass and the warm breeze. Sometimes I'd wipe the bottles dry, sometimes I'd just let them be. It'd be bottle after bottle after bottle, a private competition with myself. How many till my brain gives out?

I crave the nights where I am able to breathe out the pain along with cigarette smoke. There is something calming about having a cigarette between my left forefinger and middle finger. I'd be able to feel the heat emitting from the lit cigarette bud. I'd flick off the burnt ends of the bud, exposing the still-burning tobacco insides. I would just sit there and watch it burn sometimes. There is some comfort in the smell of cigarette smoke when I am down. Watching the cigarette turn into ash and watching the smoke disintegrating into the air instilled a kind of serenity in me.  It's a familiar sense of pain and a comfortable kind of numbness.

I crave the nights where it's quiet. Quiet, in a sense where it's peaceful, silent, simply quiet. The only sounds in that moment are either cars speeding past or the wind. I'd usually be leaning on the wall or hunched down by the steps on the sidewalk. I'd do nothing else but breathe. It is only in times like these that I let my desperation to survive take over. I would inhale long drags of cigarettes, chug down half a bottle of beer to fill up the void that I feel somewhere to the left side of my chest. I would feel the complete weight of my depression. However, I know that I wouldn't want company. All I would want to do is to close my eyes and exhale.

In moments like these, I would feel completely and utterly alone. But then again, I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to feel like that.

Real Talk Questions from Tumblr

• 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
• Looking into someone's eyes while I tell them how I feel

• 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
• I remember how someone just dropped me on my ass and expect me to be okay "because things have changed", according to her. Yes, I still do and it keeps me awake at night.
• 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
• My mum, I'll tell her I love her and my family. I'll also tell her that her and dad did a great job raising us kids and they are the best in the world. 
• 4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
• I'll only tell those that I want to spend my last month with. I'll eat, take as many pictures as I can, make home videos, bungee jump, be a daredevil. Yes, I admit that I'll be so afraid but it's inevitable so I'll make sure I'll regret nothing when I die.
• 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
• For argument's sake, I won't say that trust will cultivate love. I will choose trust because trust, in my experience, is developed and strengthen over time. I understand that it is the same with love but you don't get blinded when you trust. To trust is to have confidence in something or someone. Trust is given to those who have proven themselves worthy of it, instead of  having it being given to you in the beginning. It's more concrete and logical than love.
• 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
• No, as much as a dog's life is valuable, I don't think I can afford my job. This differs though, but I assume that I am not at home and I am on my own when this happens. So, no.
• 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

The one that I love.

• 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
• The first time it happened, I ended up dating him. The second time it happened, I told her that nothing can happen because she had a boyfriend.
• 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
• No, because I don't know them that well. Plus, they had cancer so it wouldn't make a big difference. It's not like we could postpone his death if he was given another hour. It would just be another hour of waiting for his family.
• 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
• Yeah, I seem like a cool person.
• 11. Does love = sex?
• No.
• 12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
• Depends on the situation but if the situation is the same as I describe above, then no. I need to take care of myself, I have no one in this city.
• 13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
• It was a few months ago, at least the one where I remembered. It was with a group of friends and we were all mostly acquaintances. However, we somehow decided to have questions thrown out and all of us will take a turn in answering it. They were deep questions, what do you regret, what do you fear, what were your scariest moments in life. It was a very non-judgmental feel to everything and everyone was genuine so everything just came spilling out. They listened which was something I didn't expect. It was  relief because people rarely listen nowadays and sometimes that all you want from someone.
• 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
• Personally, to say "I love you" to anyone would be harder than " I don't love you."
• 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
• My family because they are the reason why I am able to be where I am right now. I would never trade them for anything in the world
• 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
• Last night, he is my little brother.
• 17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
• I don't remember, it has been a pretty good month for me.
• 18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
• Yeah, it's a life.
• 19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
• I would let the newborn go. First of all, I don't know the new born and it's not mine. My grandma is mine so I'll save what is mine. You can also have another baby but not another grandma.
• 20. Are you old fashioned?
• Only in my moral values.
• 21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
• I always do small things like this so I don't know. It's very recent, I'm sure.
• 22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

Broken hearts can heal. Then you'll love again.

• 23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
• To forget about her or to be over her completely so that I can move on and not think of her.

List of things I should have known by now: March 2014

1. Laundry really only takes a while to do, I shouldn't procrastinate. AT ALL.
2. Dishes, really. It's the same concept as laundry.
3. Changing your bed sheets make your bed feel more comfy.
4. It's okay to feel betrayed, just reason with yourself why you shouldn't feel it for long.
5. It's okay to be lonely, you'll learn to appreciate company of all different forms.
6. When you're hungry, just eat.
7. It's okay to indulge a little, you'll feel better.
8. Pain goes away. Eventually.
9. You'll never stop caring, or loving.
10. It's okay to have bad days.
11. Some stains really don't come off clothings.
12. Sadness comes with bad days but it's temporary, even if it doesn't seem so.
13. If it hurts, don't do it again.
14. Always be desperate enough to find hope.
15. Writing always helps.
16. You are your best friend.
17. It's okay to forgive.
18. Hurting is not how you want to live.
19. Being able to breathe is not a bad thing.
20. Pain goes away. Eventually

Challenge Day 5: Make a List of things you should have learned by now

1. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is not always the right thing to do. Instincts don't lie.
2. Orange is a very weird color and is not my color.
3. Just because Spaghetti Cabonara is nice, does not mean that I should eat that EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to that shop.
4. You will regret the second plate of chicken rice.
5. Just because you can fit it in to your palm does not mean that you can finish it.
6. You will SOMEHOW over turn your water bottle if it's in your bag.
7. It is okay if you don't have a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. I have no objections.
8. No matter how indescribable things seem to be, you will always find a way to describe it if you pick up a pen.
9. Reading keeps you busy.
10. Learn to slow down and breathe, it's not that hard to say that life is okay when you are taking it minute by minute,
11. Trust your gut feeling. There's a reason why it's there.
12. Glee is therapy.
13. Muay Thai - the rush or blocking, hitting, kicking - is my ecstasy.
14. You may sound good when you're playing air drums on your table with your two index fingers but it's different on the drums.
15. You will always mess up when you try to play something for someone on the guitar.
16. You will never regret doing your laundry early.
17. Loving someone does not mean that you should give up every part of yourself.
18.Writing will always help you, no matter what.
19. You will never sing like Celine Dion or Beyonce.
20.  Vegetables are nice. Except beans. Beans are horrible.

Day 2 of 30 challenge: Who/what can’t you live without? Explain.

Mine is more of a who instead of a what. I mean, things are replaceable, people are not.

1. My family

 I honestly don't know where I will be without them.

My dad reminds me that life is not easy and you have to really work to be and make something of yourself. My dad used to be a pastor and yeah, we had a really hard life. It sucked to be looked down at, to be rejected by your peers and basically to not fit it. I sucked so bad. I used to blame my dad for being a pastor. At some times, I still do but again, I won't take anything back.

I am happy that everything I went through made me a stronger person. I became opinionated, strong-willed, insightful, sympathizing and very very determined in many ways. I love my dad, he is the most hardworking person that I have ever met in my life. My dad is the ultimate definition of survival. I love him.

My mum made me believe that I have a say in things, like my opinion matters, even though she didn't really ask when I was younger. My mum is the definition of tenacity. She fights, she shot across whatever life threw at her like a rocket that was launched towards space. She took everything head on.

My mum is one of the strongest women I have ever met. She used to care about what people think because she had to. When she was given a chance to not give a shit, she really did not give a shit. It was amazing to see it but it kinda killed me to see people being mean to her. It was a thing at her workplace, another long story. My mum loves my brothers and I. She would kill anyone who hurt us. I can see that and I wished I saw it sooner.

My brothers: Aaron and Joshua.

Aaron, he turned 18 just 10 days ago. He is my best friend and he's lame. He knows what I like and what I hate. I know him also. I know how he is. I know almost everything about him. I know his habits and his tactics when it comes to annoying me. He is very sensitive, he tends to not want to bother people unnecessarily. He stands his ground but compromises when he needs to. We used to fight A LOT. Now we're very close. When I was younger, I used to wish that he would die. Now I regret it, heh. I was such a horrible sister to him. I regret everything.

He loves me, no, he doesn't say it. Our family is not the type that announces "I LOVE YOU", we show it. For example, he would call me if I wasn't back home by 1am. When I asked why, he said that he's afraid that I was in trouble and couldn't call. I love him, I would do anything for him. I am teaching what is right and wrong slowly because he won't listen to my parents. At least though, he listens to me. My proudest moment as his sister is when his best friend asked me questions about him and I could answer every single one like a reflex.

Joshua, he is just a bowl of sunshine and laughter mixed together with very very mature and sharp senses. he is 8 and being in a family where everyone is literally above 18, makes him literally the baby. He is very independent and linguistic for his age. He talks like an adult and I secretly think that he is an old soul. He is very lame, he got that from his older brother. He is the only expressive one in the family because he was given the opportunity to. He loves me and he shows it. He counts down to the day that I come home from university.

It's a different relationship with him when compared to the older one because this is a kid. I watched him grow up, instead of growing up with him. He is a sensitive boy and might come off as a pushover because he doesn't like conflicts and tends to just compromise. I will teach him to stand his ground and not be a pushover. I will teach him how to treat girls and how to love. I will teach him everything that I have learn in the last 20 years of my life. I will teach him to appreciate the art of language and words. I will teach him that life is a masterpiece waiting to happen, even in times of pain and troubles.

2. My best friend, Francine.
She is surprisingly the only one who is ever honest with me. She is the only who picked up whenever I called at times that I was breaking down. She is the one that I can sit in silence with and it's not awkward. I can talk to her about anything. She showed me what friends are really for and what it mean to be a friend to someone. She showed me how to laugh, how to smile, how to look for the little things in life, how to be strong and how to keep going. She gave me strength. I doubt her sometimes because my mind is never in the right state for anything, hence, the cutting. Even when I doubt her, I still had the faith and the hope to trust her and to believe in her, it IS something because usually I just push people away.

She is the first person that I can have proper conversations about sex with. She makes me laugh, she understands my lame sense of humor. She gets me and it's amazing to have that. I love how I smile when I'm around her. I love how I am me when I am with her. She's a stupid motherfucker and I mean it in the most loving way. She is like a sister that I never had. She is like level 1 if I ever get a boyfriend. She will be the first person I talk to if there is anything major happening in my life. She is part of my everything. I love her, I know she will never read this so she doesn't know how much I am really grateful to have ever met her and how much I love her. Like, I will kill anyone that hurts her. I can write an autobiography about her like I would my family, but I won't. Not now.

Day 1 of 30 challenge: What do you regret the most?

This will be something personal to me and I will skim through it.

I regret cutting. I regret starting. I just regret it. If I could go back, I would tell my 14 year old self that everything will be okay and I turned out awesome. Then again, I survived so long because of cutting. I am not sure how I will turn out.. I regret it but I don't think I would change it if I could. It has become a huge part of my past and it shaped me into who I am today and I am pretty proud of how I turned out.

Regretting and wanting to change it is different. I guess, I made peace with this mistake that I have completely accepted it.

No, I wouldn't change it. I don't know who or where I am without these scars etched on my body.

30 day challenge

Obviously, I love challenges. So, I will finish this until I don't feel like typing. I won't follow the days though or I'll be lazy.

Day 1: What do you regret the most?

Day 2: Who/what can’t you live without? Explain.

Day  3: If you could wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish for?

Day 4: What is true love?

Day 5: What’s the point of life? Define a great life.

Day 6: What is your phobia/fear?

Day 7: What does your name mean? Why were you named what you were named?

Day 8: Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?

Day 9: What do you like the most about yourself? (physically and emotionally)

Day 10: What do you dislike the most about yourself? (physically and emotionally)

Day 11: Are you a lover or a fighter?

Day 12: What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?

Day 13: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change and why?

Day 14: What are features you get complimented on a lot?

Day 15: What’s something you wish you could say to that someone?

Day 16: If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

Day 17: Choose: trust or love

Day 18: What’s your passion?

Day 19: Write a letter to yourself stating all the things you love about yourself.

Day 20: Does love = sex?

Day 21: Your best friend just died. What’s your reaction?

Day 22: Whom do you admire the most?

Day 23: What is your goal in life?

Day 24: What gives you sincere happiness?

Day 25: What are the 10 most significant events in your life?

Day 26: When were the happiest days in your life?

Day 27: What is the one problem, challenge, or issue your were born to address?

Day 28: If you died tomorrow, what’s one thing you’d regret not doing?

Day 29: If you died tomorrow, would you want anyone to know something?

Day 30: Who are you?

tumblr musings #10

Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.

Love, unconditional.

There are all sorts of love in this world. The one that I'll focus on now is the unconditional kind, the kind that will always make you care no matter what. It's the kind that you know will never change, just the way you show it.

It is mature but knowing when to laugh at the childish stuff. It is protective but trusting them enough to let them venture out. It is not forceful but you know when to talk senses into them when they make a decision. It is observant but you step in when you need to. It is just loving the person no matter what happens between you two. It is wanting the best for each other, always being there no matter what and just trusting that they won't ever leave you. The most important thing is that they are happy, no matter what. It is a big bet and a big risk, it will hurt at some point but it takes a few cracks while using time as a catalyst to make it stronger.

You can't learn how to love people unconditionally. There is no complete checklists. There are certain traits to it but things and circumstances change so it's not absolute but I assure you that you WILL know when you love someone unconditionally because you feel it.

\

I saw you laughing with them. You were so happy. My eyes lingered on you, I know I will pay for it later which is what I am currently doing. You looked beautiful, big smiles and all. It was a nice scene to witness. I gave myself a small smile. Yep, definitely feel it coming. It was worth it, I guess. 

And I looked away.

tumblr musings #9

Sometimes I feel like I’m not solid. I’m hollow. There’s nothing behind my eyes. I’m a negative of a person. All I want is blackness, blackness and silence

tumblr musings #8

I guess I’m pretty much of a lone wolf. I don’t say I don’t like people at all, but, to tell you the truth, I only like it then if I have a chance to look deep into their hearts and their minds

Challenge Day 3: Make a list of the most unusual things you do every day

I'm sorry that I couldn't write regularly like I'M SUPPOSED TO for this challenge. Yes, I know it's an everyday thing but I don't have time. Like Seriously, I don't even have the time to shower.

So anyways.. here's my list! Not sure if it's unusual, I'm sure most people do it but then again, I'm not sure if they do so I'll just write along the lines of my definition of "usual" and unusual".

1. Listen to the song by Zedd featuring Hayley Williams, "Stay The Night".
2. Feel thirsty but DON'T get water.
3. Move
4. Switch on my laptop and leave it there until it dies.
5. Be late to class but walk really really fast with a fake emergency scenario in my head that requires me to walk for my life.
6. Skip breakfast and then, tell everyone that I am hungry for the next 4 hours.
7. Stand under the shower head for at least 15 minutes when I'm showering
8. Tell myself that I will do sit ups and I don't.
9. Trick myself into thinking that I charged my phone when I didn't.
10. Watch documentaries on everything
11. Laugh at really lame jokes
12. Watch spoken poetry videos till I sleep
13. Sit in my room in complete silence and scroll on tumblr
14. Tell myself that I'm not hungry when my stomach is growling
15. Look at my poster of Paramore
16. Sit at my desk for a while and then, lie on my bed with my laptop
17. Planned to wear shoes and ended up being lazy and wearing flip flops.
18. Told myself to cut down on rice and meat, and then thinking, "Nah.."
19. Always have this urge to go back to my dorm before 5pm
20. Wanting to talk to people but when there's people, "I hate everyone."

Challenge Day 2: List of things that make you angry

1. People that throw promises around.
2. Crackers that do not fit into the container that I'm trying to put them in.
3. Ribbons that don't have the same length "tail" thing.
4. Shoelaces that are obviously not being tied PROPERLY
5. Drivers who cut in front of me and drive at the speed of a tortoise
6. People who made "I love you" cliche
7. People who assume things instead of asking you
8. Hearing things from other people about someone when that someone is suppose to be the one to tell you
9. When you are extremely hungry and your food order just comes out WRONG
10. Hoodie's string thing that wouldn't be even no matter how many times you fix it
11. People that have really lame excuses as explanations
12. People that don't reply when asked a question
13. People that do not have a sense of beat, like they're ALWAYS offbeat
14. Editing videos with very limited time but still with that same OCD perfectionist obsession about everything
15.When the internet doesn't work
16. When there is no food or when the food sucks
17. When you really need a computer mouse and you don't have it with you
18. When your phone lags and you need to use it
19. Tardy people
20. People who don't tell you that they brought someone along with them when they are meeting with you
21. When there is not enough sauce on your food
22. Having your phone/key/wallet with you and you lose it after 5 seconds
23. When characters died in movies
24. When you eat popcorn too loudly that you cannot hear the movie
25. When you can't think of anything else at the moment to make this list longer

tumblr musings #6: friendships

“I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.”

Challenge Day 1 - List of things: that I know to be true

1. Twilight is one of the most beautiful times of the day, other than meal times.
2. Orange and yellow is not my color.
3. Blue is also not my color, but I love it anyway.
4. My mum can find things that I cannot find.
5. Permanent marker is really permanent.
6. When people say forever, it might not necessarily be true.
7. You cannot revive the dead or dead phones.
8.  If you are hungry at 12 am, you try to tell yourself that you are not hungry, it doesn't work. You will still be hungry.
9. Just because you can make instant noodles look gourmet, doesn't make you a chef.
10. When I see my food coming at a restaurant, I will gently gaze at it with a look that can be found only with newly weds until it arrives at my table.
11. When people tell you that you have an accent when you speak English, don't get too excited because most probably, it's just a nice way to say that I have no idea what you're saying.
12.If someone treats you like you are their whole world, you probably are.
13. Just because something is pretty does not mean that you can touch it, you'll burn your finger.
14. Curry stains on white shirts may NEVER come out, EVER!
15. You refuse to throw your shoes away even if they're battered because they contain memories.
16. Having 5 different usable branded earphones doesn't make you a music junkie, you're just wasting money.
17. Just because someone is gay, does not mean that they're hitting on you. You might not be their type.
18. Yes, he has a mustache like Mario. No, he's not Spanish. Or Italian.
19. When something smells funky, you have to smell it the second time to make sure and taste it the third time to be super sure.
20. I said I'll stop at 10 but here we are.

Greater than.

“who taught you 

that the 

value of a woman

is the ratio

of her waist 

to her hips

and the circumference

of her buttocks

and the volume 

of her lips?

Your math 

is

dangerously wrong.

Her value 

is 

nothing less

than

infinite.”

- 'Greater than' by Della Hicks-Wilson

tumblr musings #5

“It is terrifying to think that one day you will trust somebody enough to let them see you naked. You will undress and remind them that you’ve stretch marks and birth marks and scars from having chicken pox when you were little and scars from all of the other things now. You will blush thousands of shades of red, painting yourself as a rose losing its petals. And that person - that person will take it all in. And I wonder if they will reassure you. But mostly, I wonder if they will even see anything worth reassuring you about. I hope they see each freckle on your back as if it’s a star and you are the whole universe to them.”

This secret love affair

"What is this secret love affair?", she asked me.

She was soft and I was a nervous wreck on the other side of the table. I feel her slowly watch me like she was afraid that she would miss something important if he blinked. I sense her emotions mirroring mine and then, the atmosphere changed. Her lips hushed my unspoken fears of every kind. Her gaze gently stroked the soft angles of my smirk that curl the side of my mouth. Unable to hold back the smirk, it blossomed into a smile and I just started laughing. It was loud, joyful, free and comfortable.

She too smiled, and asked me, "Why the sudden laughter?" She let me laugh at my own little joke and just sat there patiently, enjoying my silliness. When I couldn't stop laughing, she joined in too. "This is good," I tell myself, "She's comfortable with me." We stopped when both our sides are aching. I could sense her gaze on me when I was silently smiling at myself. She had this big smile on her face when I look up.

"What is this secret love affair?", I asked her.