There's a reason why I love birthdays. It is another beginning, another point of life where you are reminded that you have another chance. I will celebrate your birthdays, I will be happy for you that you have another chance at everything in life. I will be happy that you are still alive, even if there are days where you wish you weren't.
For someone who suffers from depression, I am sure optimistic about having hope especially when it is about someone else.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Leaving behind.
I can't help myself from looking out of the window. They say, in order to move forward with your life, you cannot look back. Then again, what happens when you are not leaving but leaving behind?
I am sitting here in the plane, waiting for the passengers to finish boarding. I reckon most of them are either going back from a sadly short vacation or going home. Most of them wear a hijab and are alone so I'm assuming they are all students and are going back for their holidays.
Taking off is slow as usual. It is as if it's giving me a chance to jump off the plane and yell "I'm not leaving!". The temptation to do so gets stronger as the plane starts to get on the take off lane.
"We're ready for take off," says the captain and my brain switches to full panic mode. "Wait, I'm staying" Obviously I was too late and all I can do is just sit here helplessly as the plane flies off full speed in to the air.
My eyes desperately tries to take in every familiar building that swishes by; My brain tries to recall where every single building is and their purposes. Secretly, I was searching frantically for my house, in hopes of catching a last glimpse of it, even though I know damn well that it's on the other side of the city.
As the plane disappears off into the clouds, sadly with me in it, I was forced to stay in my seat and just accept the fact that I am flying off. So, what happens when you're not leaving but leaving behind? They don't tell you anything about it but I'll tell you now that it's not bad to look back. After all, all your stories, your dreams, your beginning started there. It's only fair that you never ever forget that.
I am sitting here in the plane, waiting for the passengers to finish boarding. I reckon most of them are either going back from a sadly short vacation or going home. Most of them wear a hijab and are alone so I'm assuming they are all students and are going back for their holidays.
Taking off is slow as usual. It is as if it's giving me a chance to jump off the plane and yell "I'm not leaving!". The temptation to do so gets stronger as the plane starts to get on the take off lane.
"We're ready for take off," says the captain and my brain switches to full panic mode. "Wait, I'm staying" Obviously I was too late and all I can do is just sit here helplessly as the plane flies off full speed in to the air.
My eyes desperately tries to take in every familiar building that swishes by; My brain tries to recall where every single building is and their purposes. Secretly, I was searching frantically for my house, in hopes of catching a last glimpse of it, even though I know damn well that it's on the other side of the city.
As the plane disappears off into the clouds, sadly with me in it, I was forced to stay in my seat and just accept the fact that I am flying off. So, what happens when you're not leaving but leaving behind? They don't tell you anything about it but I'll tell you now that it's not bad to look back. After all, all your stories, your dreams, your beginning started there. It's only fair that you never ever forget that.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
I get it.
I get it. I understand what he means.
I have a little brother who is turning 9 this year and he is "full of love and joy, kissing every person he meets because everyone is good and will do him no harm". He loves so unconditionally and he has such a kind and pure soul. I love him to bits and the thought of harm coming his way makes me cringe. I would dive in head first if I should ever need to save him.
The idea of people breaking him in to little pieces and hardening him into someone like me..
Me.
I don't let people love me, I push everyone away. I put up walls so high that no one else could ever get it. I had to force myself out of bed, force myself to open my eyes, to stop crying, to not die. The concept of me being happy, being loved is completely extincted. I no longer dream, no longer hope, no longer live.
He, "who reminds me too much of what I used to be", has so much dreams, hope and life, and is capable of conquering the world in his sleep. He is so happy, so full of laughter, so loving. I love him so much.
If anyone should ever hurt him, I will rip them into shreds. The idea of him not being him anymore in the future, "terrifies me to the point where I can barely function".
I get it.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Never home.
I didn't know what was wrong actually,
like, I was fine but I was sad?
I spend the whole afternoon, busying myself,
trying to avoid something, feeling something.
Then again, the whole afternoon was spent on "damn feels" short films.
I didn't know what was going on
or rather, I didn't want to know what was going on.
That was until no one was free to hang out with me,
then I realize that I felt lonely.
The people I asked to hang out weren't free,
so, I just sat in my room, trying to find something to do.
The urge to edit family photos that were long overdue were strong,
so that's what I did.
Being lonely has never felt this painful in a long time.
What struck a nerve was a picture of my little brother.
I didn't realize how much I missed him because I told myself that I don't.
Scrolling through all of the photos is really not a good idea,
I end up breaking down and yeah, crying.
I've always wanted to go home,
I just didn't realize that until now.
I still say, "I'm going back," whenever I say goodbye to my friends.
Never the word "home".
I only used it when I was flying back, to home.
I guess, I was never home after all,
I was only back in my room
but never home.
like, I was fine but I was sad?
I spend the whole afternoon, busying myself,
trying to avoid something, feeling something.
Then again, the whole afternoon was spent on "damn feels" short films.
I didn't know what was going on
or rather, I didn't want to know what was going on.
That was until no one was free to hang out with me,
then I realize that I felt lonely.
The people I asked to hang out weren't free,
so, I just sat in my room, trying to find something to do.
The urge to edit family photos that were long overdue were strong,
so that's what I did.
Being lonely has never felt this painful in a long time.
What struck a nerve was a picture of my little brother.
I didn't realize how much I missed him because I told myself that I don't.
Scrolling through all of the photos is really not a good idea,
I end up breaking down and yeah, crying.
I've always wanted to go home,
I just didn't realize that until now.
I still say, "I'm going back," whenever I say goodbye to my friends.
Never the word "home".
I only used it when I was flying back, to home.
I guess, I was never home after all,
I was only back in my room
but never home.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Challenge Day 6: Write Poetry: with “I remember sentences
Well, this Sarah Kay challenge is suppose to be an 8-day thing and I managed to make it a two-months thing. This is my first post in 2014 and not to be cliche. 2014 feels different, like there is hope..? I don't know, I just feel different by the near end of 2013 and in 2014, I feel like I can be on top of the world. It's almost like I have a choice to be invincible. It's an unbelievable feeling.
ANYWAYS,
Being away from home was the biggest challenge for me in 2013 and it was the biggest change of my life. it was my first time, dealing with something that is so drastic. I still feel homesick but the first time of this, it was terrifying. Going home has never felt so good in my life.
here is the poem.
I remember how it felt
to pack up my books, my clothes,
pieces of myself,
my whole bedroom,
my existence into boxes,
luggage, which will be shipped off
to where I will spend the next three years of my life
trying to make something out of myself.
I remember how I felt
when I starting unpacking in my dorm room.
I remember not being able
to fully understand where I was,
why I was doing and when I am going back.
I remember my dorm room, first, smelt of
a mixture of mothballs and perfume.
I remember how hard it was for me
to open the zipper of my luggage.
I remember sobbing,
I remember hyperventilating.
I remember mourning.
I remember hysterical crying, while calling my mum,
begging to come home.
I remember the city being a horrible and big place.
I remember that I was convinced that I will forever,
forever be lost.
I remember meeting new people, they were nice.
I remember how much people here have weird slangs, and again,
convinced that I will never like it.
I remember liking these new people and hating them at the same time.
I remember being jealous that they get to be at home, while it takes me
three hours to fly back home.
I remember crying after I said goodbye to my dad when he came to visit.
I remember always dreaming of home every day, every night.
Then,
I remember things getting better, it was easier to breathe.
I remember my best friend coming over, the city didn't seem so scary.
I remember trying to be okay, I miss home
I remember that I am here to make something out of myself, away from my comfort zone.
I remember that it was never meant to be easy, and I was doing okay.
I remember the first time I was able to fly back.
I remember how it felt to fly back.
I remember how it felt when I landed, smells like home.
I remember being home.
I remember being home.
ANYWAYS,
Being away from home was the biggest challenge for me in 2013 and it was the biggest change of my life. it was my first time, dealing with something that is so drastic. I still feel homesick but the first time of this, it was terrifying. Going home has never felt so good in my life.
here is the poem.
I remember how it felt
to pack up my books, my clothes,
pieces of myself,
my whole bedroom,
my existence into boxes,
luggage, which will be shipped off
to where I will spend the next three years of my life
trying to make something out of myself.
I remember how I felt
when I starting unpacking in my dorm room.
I remember not being able
to fully understand where I was,
why I was doing and when I am going back.
I remember my dorm room, first, smelt of
a mixture of mothballs and perfume.
I remember how hard it was for me
to open the zipper of my luggage.
I remember sobbing,
I remember hyperventilating.
I remember mourning.
I remember hysterical crying, while calling my mum,
begging to come home.
I remember the city being a horrible and big place.
I remember that I was convinced that I will forever,
forever be lost.
I remember meeting new people, they were nice.
I remember how much people here have weird slangs, and again,
convinced that I will never like it.
I remember liking these new people and hating them at the same time.
I remember being jealous that they get to be at home, while it takes me
three hours to fly back home.
I remember crying after I said goodbye to my dad when he came to visit.
I remember always dreaming of home every day, every night.
Then,
I remember things getting better, it was easier to breathe.
I remember my best friend coming over, the city didn't seem so scary.
I remember trying to be okay, I miss home
I remember that I am here to make something out of myself, away from my comfort zone.
I remember that it was never meant to be easy, and I was doing okay.
I remember the first time I was able to fly back.
I remember how it felt to fly back.
I remember how it felt when I landed, smells like home.
I remember being home.
I remember being home.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Day 2 of 30 challenge: Who/what can’t you live without? Explain.
Mine is more of a who instead of a what. I mean, things are replaceable, people are not.
1. My family
I honestly don't know where I will be without them.
My dad reminds me that life is not easy and you have to really work to be and make something of yourself. My dad used to be a pastor and yeah, we had a really hard life. It sucked to be looked down at, to be rejected by your peers and basically to not fit it. I sucked so bad. I used to blame my dad for being a pastor. At some times, I still do but again, I won't take anything back.
I am happy that everything I went through made me a stronger person. I became opinionated, strong-willed, insightful, sympathizing and very very determined in many ways. I love my dad, he is the most hardworking person that I have ever met in my life. My dad is the ultimate definition of survival. I love him.
My mum made me believe that I have a say in things, like my opinion matters, even though she didn't really ask when I was younger. My mum is the definition of tenacity. She fights, she shot across whatever life threw at her like a rocket that was launched towards space. She took everything head on.
My mum is one of the strongest women I have ever met. She used to care about what people think because she had to. When she was given a chance to not give a shit, she really did not give a shit. It was amazing to see it but it kinda killed me to see people being mean to her. It was a thing at her workplace, another long story. My mum loves my brothers and I. She would kill anyone who hurt us. I can see that and I wished I saw it sooner.
My brothers: Aaron and Joshua.
Aaron, he turned 18 just 10 days ago. He is my best friend and he's lame. He knows what I like and what I hate. I know him also. I know how he is. I know almost everything about him. I know his habits and his tactics when it comes to annoying me. He is very sensitive, he tends to not want to bother people unnecessarily. He stands his ground but compromises when he needs to. We used to fight A LOT. Now we're very close. When I was younger, I used to wish that he would die. Now I regret it, heh. I was such a horrible sister to him. I regret everything.
He loves me, no, he doesn't say it. Our family is not the type that announces "I LOVE YOU", we show it. For example, he would call me if I wasn't back home by 1am. When I asked why, he said that he's afraid that I was in trouble and couldn't call. I love him, I would do anything for him. I am teaching what is right and wrong slowly because he won't listen to my parents. At least though, he listens to me. My proudest moment as his sister is when his best friend asked me questions about him and I could answer every single one like a reflex.
Joshua, he is just a bowl of sunshine and laughter mixed together with very very mature and sharp senses. he is 8 and being in a family where everyone is literally above 18, makes him literally the baby. He is very independent and linguistic for his age. He talks like an adult and I secretly think that he is an old soul. He is very lame, he got that from his older brother. He is the only expressive one in the family because he was given the opportunity to. He loves me and he shows it. He counts down to the day that I come home from university.
It's a different relationship with him when compared to the older one because this is a kid. I watched him grow up, instead of growing up with him. He is a sensitive boy and might come off as a pushover because he doesn't like conflicts and tends to just compromise. I will teach him to stand his ground and not be a pushover. I will teach him how to treat girls and how to love. I will teach him everything that I have learn in the last 20 years of my life. I will teach him to appreciate the art of language and words. I will teach him that life is a masterpiece waiting to happen, even in times of pain and troubles.
2. My best friend, Francine.
She is surprisingly the only one who is ever honest with me. She is the only who picked up whenever I called at times that I was breaking down. She is the one that I can sit in silence with and it's not awkward. I can talk to her about anything. She showed me what friends are really for and what it mean to be a friend to someone. She showed me how to laugh, how to smile, how to look for the little things in life, how to be strong and how to keep going. She gave me strength. I doubt her sometimes because my mind is never in the right state for anything, hence, the cutting. Even when I doubt her, I still had the faith and the hope to trust her and to believe in her, it IS something because usually I just push people away.
She is the first person that I can have proper conversations about sex with. She makes me laugh, she understands my lame sense of humor. She gets me and it's amazing to have that. I love how I smile when I'm around her. I love how I am me when I am with her. She's a stupid motherfucker and I mean it in the most loving way. She is like a sister that I never had. She is like level 1 if I ever get a boyfriend. She will be the first person I talk to if there is anything major happening in my life. She is part of my everything. I love her, I know she will never read this so she doesn't know how much I am really grateful to have ever met her and how much I love her. Like, I will kill anyone that hurts her. I can write an autobiography about her like I would my family, but I won't. Not now.
1. My family
I honestly don't know where I will be without them.
My dad reminds me that life is not easy and you have to really work to be and make something of yourself. My dad used to be a pastor and yeah, we had a really hard life. It sucked to be looked down at, to be rejected by your peers and basically to not fit it. I sucked so bad. I used to blame my dad for being a pastor. At some times, I still do but again, I won't take anything back.I am happy that everything I went through made me a stronger person. I became opinionated, strong-willed, insightful, sympathizing and very very determined in many ways. I love my dad, he is the most hardworking person that I have ever met in my life. My dad is the ultimate definition of survival. I love him.
My mum made me believe that I have a say in things, like my opinion matters, even though she didn't really ask when I was younger. My mum is the definition of tenacity. She fights, she shot across whatever life threw at her like a rocket that was launched towards space. She took everything head on.
My mum is one of the strongest women I have ever met. She used to care about what people think because she had to. When she was given a chance to not give a shit, she really did not give a shit. It was amazing to see it but it kinda killed me to see people being mean to her. It was a thing at her workplace, another long story. My mum loves my brothers and I. She would kill anyone who hurt us. I can see that and I wished I saw it sooner.
My brothers: Aaron and Joshua.
Aaron, he turned 18 just 10 days ago. He is my best friend and he's lame. He knows what I like and what I hate. I know him also. I know how he is. I know almost everything about him. I know his habits and his tactics when it comes to annoying me. He is very sensitive, he tends to not want to bother people unnecessarily. He stands his ground but compromises when he needs to. We used to fight A LOT. Now we're very close. When I was younger, I used to wish that he would die. Now I regret it, heh. I was such a horrible sister to him. I regret everything.
He loves me, no, he doesn't say it. Our family is not the type that announces "I LOVE YOU", we show it. For example, he would call me if I wasn't back home by 1am. When I asked why, he said that he's afraid that I was in trouble and couldn't call. I love him, I would do anything for him. I am teaching what is right and wrong slowly because he won't listen to my parents. At least though, he listens to me. My proudest moment as his sister is when his best friend asked me questions about him and I could answer every single one like a reflex.
Joshua, he is just a bowl of sunshine and laughter mixed together with very very mature and sharp senses. he is 8 and being in a family where everyone is literally above 18, makes him literally the baby. He is very independent and linguistic for his age. He talks like an adult and I secretly think that he is an old soul. He is very lame, he got that from his older brother. He is the only expressive one in the family because he was given the opportunity to. He loves me and he shows it. He counts down to the day that I come home from university.
It's a different relationship with him when compared to the older one because this is a kid. I watched him grow up, instead of growing up with him. He is a sensitive boy and might come off as a pushover because he doesn't like conflicts and tends to just compromise. I will teach him to stand his ground and not be a pushover. I will teach him how to treat girls and how to love. I will teach him everything that I have learn in the last 20 years of my life. I will teach him to appreciate the art of language and words. I will teach him that life is a masterpiece waiting to happen, even in times of pain and troubles.
2. My best friend, Francine.
She is surprisingly the only one who is ever honest with me. She is the only who picked up whenever I called at times that I was breaking down. She is the one that I can sit in silence with and it's not awkward. I can talk to her about anything. She showed me what friends are really for and what it mean to be a friend to someone. She showed me how to laugh, how to smile, how to look for the little things in life, how to be strong and how to keep going. She gave me strength. I doubt her sometimes because my mind is never in the right state for anything, hence, the cutting. Even when I doubt her, I still had the faith and the hope to trust her and to believe in her, it IS something because usually I just push people away.She is the first person that I can have proper conversations about sex with. She makes me laugh, she understands my lame sense of humor. She gets me and it's amazing to have that. I love how I smile when I'm around her. I love how I am me when I am with her. She's a stupid motherfucker and I mean it in the most loving way. She is like a sister that I never had. She is like level 1 if I ever get a boyfriend. She will be the first person I talk to if there is anything major happening in my life. She is part of my everything. I love her, I know she will never read this so she doesn't know how much I am really grateful to have ever met her and how much I love her. Like, I will kill anyone that hurts her. I can write an autobiography about her like I would my family, but I won't. Not now.
Friday, December 20, 2013
tumblr musings #10
Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.
Monday, May 13, 2013
On leaving your place and people you call home.
Three nights ago,
I cried myself to sleep.
I was home, in bed.
Knowing that I am leaving, home.
You'd think that
you'd get used to the goodbyes to your family,
friends, home.
You'd think that all the loneliness will fade
and you'd be accustomed to being alone, by now.
However,
I don't think that people,
I, can get used to leaving
the people I love behind.
Then, I cried myself to sleep
the next night after the first.
My dreams were messy,
there was running and no ends.
No goals, no finish line,
I was running from something but
I don't know what.
I didn't cry
the night before I left.
I didn't feel anything, I was
smiling.
I guess, I malfunctioned.
I cried when I was on the plane.
I hyperventilated to stop, it worked pretty well.
My best friend said that she misses me already.
Then, I thought about the last few times that
we hung out.
I remember feeling complete.
I remember being safe.
I remember being home.
I remember looking at her, and just laughing
because she made a look.
I miss her again and maybe, more
when I think about it.
I cried harder.
I reached my dorm.
I remember that
I won't hear my little brother run up the stairs.
I can't hear my brother singing in the shower.
I can't call my best friend to go out.
The jiggle of keys, the way the place smells.
The sound of water pumping and the way my bed feels.
It's familiar but
it's not home.
I sat up from my bed and
I cried.
I cried myself to sleep.
I was home, in bed.
Knowing that I am leaving, home.
You'd think that
you'd get used to the goodbyes to your family,
friends, home.
You'd think that all the loneliness will fade
and you'd be accustomed to being alone, by now.
However,
I don't think that people,
I, can get used to leaving
the people I love behind.
Then, I cried myself to sleep
the next night after the first.
My dreams were messy,
there was running and no ends.
No goals, no finish line,
I was running from something but
I don't know what.
I didn't cry
the night before I left.
I didn't feel anything, I was
smiling.
I guess, I malfunctioned.
I cried when I was on the plane.
I hyperventilated to stop, it worked pretty well.
My best friend said that she misses me already.
Then, I thought about the last few times that
we hung out.
I remember feeling complete.
I remember being safe.
I remember being home.
I remember looking at her, and just laughing
because she made a look.
I miss her again and maybe, more
when I think about it.
I cried harder.
I reached my dorm.
I remember that
I won't hear my little brother run up the stairs.
I can't hear my brother singing in the shower.
I can't call my best friend to go out.
The jiggle of keys, the way the place smells.
The sound of water pumping and the way my bed feels.
It's familiar but
it's not home.
I sat up from my bed and
I cried.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Dreaming of home.
I have been in my room for the whole day
I didn't want to talk to anyone.
I din't want anyone to see my existence,
at least I want to forget that I exist, for a while
Then, I fell asleep
I was home,
I smell the sea, I smell..
Dinner
I saw my family,
my brothers were asleep, with the youngest
being only three
It was peaceful, it was right
Dinner smelled amazing,
it's like I can taste it
It's exactly how it should taste.
I saw my grandma,
I didn't realize how much I've missed her
I miss her food and her constant worrying
I miss having real dinners
I miss my family
Somehow, being where I am now,
I forgot what everything feels like back home
It's like I was never there
And everything was just my imagination
Whereas for things to feel real,
it can only be relived in my dreams
I didn't want to talk to anyone.
I din't want anyone to see my existence,
at least I want to forget that I exist, for a while
Then, I fell asleep
I was home,
I smell the sea, I smell..
Dinner
I saw my family,
my brothers were asleep, with the youngest
being only three
It was peaceful, it was right
Dinner smelled amazing,
it's like I can taste it
It's exactly how it should taste.
I saw my grandma,
I didn't realize how much I've missed her
I miss her food and her constant worrying
I miss having real dinners
I miss my family
Somehow, being where I am now,
I forgot what everything feels like back home
It's like I was never there
And everything was just my imagination
Whereas for things to feel real,
it can only be relived in my dreams
Thursday, December 27, 2012
For the last time.
I learnt that..
Most of us don't really learn about that feeling of "the last time" until we actually have to do something for that very LAST time.
Like now, it's my last time tweeting/blogging/sleeping/downloading stuff in my own room.
And somehow, we don't realize how important something or someone is to us until the very last minute. I think it's sad.
When my mum told me that she couldn't sent me off to university in the morning, I felt tears in my eyes. And it's weird because she was there during every graduation, every performance and when she said she couldn't make it, I felt that emptiness of her absence even if I understood why she couldn't make it.
It's not like I'm mad at here but it's just that kid inside of you that wants to throw a tantrum is screaming "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE!" And it's just that feeling..
Oh shit,
I'm crying.
Why did I make myself cry...?
I haven't cried in a while. The last time I cried was the day I last saw Francine. It was like a pent up explosion of her leaving and me leaving my family and for.. change.
Anyone who knows me knows that I hate goodbyes. Like hate it!
I'd do anything to stop it from happening or at least let myself not feel the absence of that person or avoid it altogether.
People leaving. And goodbyes.
Those are my biggest fears. And I'm still having trouble facing it.
Francine, why are you on the other side of the world when I need you the most..? Come back :(
I'll write more later because I feel like I will have a lot of things to say, a lot of thoughts to be expressed and it'll be good, I guess.
I hope I get a nice roommate. I don't expect them to be neat ( 'cause I'm not.), proper ( I am so not!) or perfect. I just want someone that I get along with.
Fingers crossed.
To be honest, I am really scared.
Sigh.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Happy Birthday to my mum :) *copied from my Facebook*
Happy Birthday to my beautiful Momma :) Thank you for always being there whether be it to help me look for my stuff that always magically appear to you or to just cook food. Thank you for raising me up to know what is right and what is wrong, for teaching me to differentiate between black and white and also the grey areas.
Thank you for putting up with my food dreams all these years and for listening to my rants even though sometimes it only makes sense to my 19 year old head.
This is my last time celebrating your birthday with you as a teenager in which sounds very bittersweet. I know that I don't say this much, thank you for everything that you did all these years. And on behalf of the two monkeys at home, I would like to say that we appreciate all that you did even though sometimes we don't show it and to be honest, we don't know what we'll do without you.
OHH, I forgot to hang the laundry last night so I had to hang in early in the morning, heh.
Dad still has no idea where to eat, LOL!
I hope you have a wonderful day in school.
We love you very much.
From,
Tryphena
x
Thank you for putting up with my food dreams all these years and for listening to my rants even though sometimes it only makes sense to my 19 year old head.
This is my last time celebrating your birthday with you as a teenager in which sounds very bittersweet. I know that I don't say this much, thank you for everything that you did all these years. And on behalf of the two monkeys at home, I would like to say that we appreciate all that you did even though sometimes we don't show it and to be honest, we don't know what we'll do without you.
OHH, I forgot to hang the laundry last night so I had to hang in early in the morning, heh.
Dad still has no idea where to eat, LOL!
I hope you have a wonderful day in school.
We love you very much.
From,
Tryphena
x
Friday, August 17, 2012
Brothers, they grow up too, you know?
I found this on Facebook. I wrote it last year. It's somewhat therapeutic and comforting for me to read this. It reminds me that no matter how much things have changed, some parts of it will; always be the same.
Dedicated to my brother, Aaron.
His face popped up behind me when I was paying for my extra large tutti-fruity slurpee. I looked back, there was my brother standing behind me in 7-11. He said hi with an enthusiasm that I have known for years while he stood there, drenched in sweat after so many rounds of cycling around the neighborhood.
He has black glossy hair which will point in different directions when it grew out, an impish smile that reflects his inner kid, which acts as a contrast to his now less boyish good looks. He has a strong jawline and a straight nose that makes him enviously photogenic. He is considered short for a 16-year old but is slowly gaining height everyday. Despite the gender and age difference, we have the same eyes and the same wacky personality.
We grew up chasing each other around clothes rack and shelves in department stores, fighting over the longest piece of french fry, singing and jamming to the theme song of "Tom and Jerry kids" on top of a trampoline and constructing a "castle" using our bunk beds and blankets. That was about 8 to 10 years ago. Where did time go?
Now I'm 18 with scrapped knees and elbows that came with consistent bicycle falls and amazing hide-and-seek skills that can be only be perfected with years of practices. And he's almost 16 with the most generous heart, amazing technology information in his brain that is obtained somewhere and a pair of hands that can fix anything that has wires and other stuff that I don't know.But he's still the same boy who wants me to go to the arcade and play with him or do anything with him just so he won't be alone.
I paid for my slurpee while he paid for his RM 10 reload. It then occurred to me that he still had the same mischievous look he has when he was 6. It's nice to know some things don't change or disappear. I got in the car and started the engine. Then, I looked up just in time to see him speeding towards me. In two lightning fast seconds, he swerved with his legs on the ground and did a sharp turn while hitting on the brakes. He finished the stunt with a grace that I rarely see in guys and turned to face me with a smile on his face, looking pleased with himself. For a second, I was stunned and impressed. Cool. And to think that I taught him how to ride a bike about 10 years ago.
With the reload coupon in his mouth, he rode off back home while I drove myself to tuition. We used to ride bikes together. He laughed so hard when I told him I nearly fell into the drain. I used to hide his little plush toy and snickered when he couldn't find it. We used to pretend that we were the Prime Ministers in a parade when we were playing with our bikes and scooters. And somehow, I remember that he used to eat durian when he was younger.
He is different in a way that no one can ever imitate. His love for old songs and funny videos is part of what defines him. The kid in him will always love turtle plush toys and cats. His nerdy side will love anything that processes fast and has the word "beats" on it. The guy in him will forever belong to gross-ness and cars and he might have something against ants and mosquitoes. He loves to pluck the mosquitoes' legs and is now starting to like pinching the ant's butt off its body. Everything about him brings back different, hilarious memories for me and I'm sure for my family too.
As I'm driving, I wondered how different would life be for him and me if I leave for university? I wonder if he would miss me because I know I will miss him, his lame but funny jokes and his retarded and hilarious dances. It'd be weird not to have some one annoying you with songs that you hate and it'd be very quiet without his constant singing in the shower with blasting speakers.
Time flies when you're growing up but he'll always and forever be my little brother no matter how old we both are. So, who says everything has to change?
Dedicated to my brother, Aaron.
He has black glossy hair which will point in different directions when it grew out, an impish smile that reflects his inner kid, which acts as a contrast to his now less boyish good looks. He has a strong jawline and a straight nose that makes him enviously photogenic. He is considered short for a 16-year old but is slowly gaining height everyday. Despite the gender and age difference, we have the same eyes and the same wacky personality.
We grew up chasing each other around clothes rack and shelves in department stores, fighting over the longest piece of french fry, singing and jamming to the theme song of "Tom and Jerry kids" on top of a trampoline and constructing a "castle" using our bunk beds and blankets. That was about 8 to 10 years ago. Where did time go?
Now I'm 18 with scrapped knees and elbows that came with consistent bicycle falls and amazing hide-and-seek skills that can be only be perfected with years of practices. And he's almost 16 with the most generous heart, amazing technology information in his brain that is obtained somewhere and a pair of hands that can fix anything that has wires and other stuff that I don't know.But he's still the same boy who wants me to go to the arcade and play with him or do anything with him just so he won't be alone.
I paid for my slurpee while he paid for his RM 10 reload. It then occurred to me that he still had the same mischievous look he has when he was 6. It's nice to know some things don't change or disappear. I got in the car and started the engine. Then, I looked up just in time to see him speeding towards me. In two lightning fast seconds, he swerved with his legs on the ground and did a sharp turn while hitting on the brakes. He finished the stunt with a grace that I rarely see in guys and turned to face me with a smile on his face, looking pleased with himself. For a second, I was stunned and impressed. Cool. And to think that I taught him how to ride a bike about 10 years ago.
With the reload coupon in his mouth, he rode off back home while I drove myself to tuition. We used to ride bikes together. He laughed so hard when I told him I nearly fell into the drain. I used to hide his little plush toy and snickered when he couldn't find it. We used to pretend that we were the Prime Ministers in a parade when we were playing with our bikes and scooters. And somehow, I remember that he used to eat durian when he was younger.
He is different in a way that no one can ever imitate. His love for old songs and funny videos is part of what defines him. The kid in him will always love turtle plush toys and cats. His nerdy side will love anything that processes fast and has the word "beats" on it. The guy in him will forever belong to gross-ness and cars and he might have something against ants and mosquitoes. He loves to pluck the mosquitoes' legs and is now starting to like pinching the ant's butt off its body. Everything about him brings back different, hilarious memories for me and I'm sure for my family too.
As I'm driving, I wondered how different would life be for him and me if I leave for university? I wonder if he would miss me because I know I will miss him, his lame but funny jokes and his retarded and hilarious dances. It'd be weird not to have some one annoying you with songs that you hate and it'd be very quiet without his constant singing in the shower with blasting speakers.
Time flies when you're growing up but he'll always and forever be my little brother no matter how old we both are. So, who says everything has to change?
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