relapse

It's not really relapse I just
didn't have the time to do it.

I forgot how it felt
to have a new blade
run across your wrist.
It makes a very satisfying scratching sound
and I feel the adrenalin rush.
It's like oxygen was pumped into my lungs
and I can breathe again.

I know it's bad
I know you wouldn't understand it
I know it's bad
but I need to function
I need to breathe
I need to be okay
I need to survive.