Saturday, March 15, 2014

Day 9 of 30 challenge: What do you like the most about yourself? (physically and emotionally)

Physically, I like my calves, my collarbones and my eyes.

My calves and my shoulders are what makes me look less fat. My calves are very very firm and muscular, it's not big but it's very toned due to 11 years of ballet and now, Muay Thai. I look good in skinny jeans because of my calves.

My collarbones because they are noticeable. I have always been a very big kid after hitting puberty. I was too skinny growing up and now everyone says that I am too fat. It's very frustrating because people, make up your minds. They compliment my shoulders, making me look like an athlete when I am not.

My eyes are nice, I guess. I like them because I not only have double eyelids, mine is like three and four layers. ON BOTH EYES. I don't have to put a lot of make up, just a little eyeliner and mascara and I am good to go which is nice. I have covered my mouth and everything in the mirror, leaving only my eyes and played with it. I changed emotions and everything and it's super cool to watch yourself transform even if it's only your eyes. I understand why acting is hard. To convey the right emotion, you need to be able to communicate with your eyes.

Emotionally, I know this is going to sound weird but I like that feeling of slight hope that I feel when I get really really depressed.

Wait wait, let me explain.

Depression happens to me very very often. It sucks and I cannot tell you to what extend of suck-ness it can be unless you have experienced it yourself. It's so bad that I couldn't, yes, COULDN'T do my dishes or my laundry or get out of bed properly without wanting to die.

It's horrible. And then, there's this little voice in my head that tells me, "Breathe, one minute at a time. Come on, get up, love." That's hope. It helps me stop crying. It keeps me alive. It makes me understand that I will be okay.

And again, unless you've been through depression, you will not understand how much a little hope can help a person when you feel like there is absolutely nothing to live for in this world

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