Friday, January 27, 2012
I don't wanna pretend so this is the end, of you and me.
Cause she's everything, everything I'm not.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
You are the only exception.
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
\
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
\
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Shit happens. It hurts. So what? No one cares.
So, I'm alone again.
This is nice, quiet.
No one stays,
Even when I though they would.
Nay, you will be back to watch me die.
No? Really?
Who knows, you won't want to miss this.
Me being helpless, weak.
They always come back for it.
Being alone, I should get used to this.
Maybe if I'm in it for long enough,
I will lose my ability to feel.
Now that's a good idea,
I really should keep that in mind.
I would give anything
To not feel.
Tell me something,
Was it worth it, telling you?
Did you understand it?
No?
Yeah, guess I figured that out.
It took me that much to get it out.
Well, obviously you didn't care.
It's not your fault
And I don't blame you.
Come to think of it,
Maybe I should blame someone
And I know who to blame.
I don't know where I stand.
Maybe I belong in the skies?
Maybe in the swamp?
Do I ever deserved to know?
I don't know.
I am desperate to prove myself
But I am no longer sure to who.
Maybe I'm trying to prove to myself that I am worth something to someone.
Or maybe I was trying to prove that..
Up to this point, I am not even sure what I am.
Have you had those blurry moments
Where everything sort of fades?
Yeah, right now,
My lines, my words, my life,
They are slowly blurring, fading.
They say when life gives you lemons,
You make lemonade.
Well, my lemonade taste awful.
They say God has a plan and He protects.
Well, Lord,
You obviously forgot about me
Because I am still hurting and lost
And nothing ever happens no matter how damn hard I pray.
On second thought, God,
Let me hurt.
Maybe if I hurt long enough,
I will be immune to it and
Nothing, no one can hurt me anymore,
Or rather, I can get used to hurting all the time.
Well, it doesn't hurt to have a back up plan.
\
One day, I will be able to look up in the sky and be an illusion, a clear memory.
This is nice, quiet.
No one stays,
Even when I though they would.
Nay, you will be back to watch me die.
No? Really?
Who knows, you won't want to miss this.
Me being helpless, weak.
They always come back for it.
Being alone, I should get used to this.
Maybe if I'm in it for long enough,
I will lose my ability to feel.
Now that's a good idea,
I really should keep that in mind.
I would give anything
To not feel.
Tell me something,
Was it worth it, telling you?
Did you understand it?
No?
Yeah, guess I figured that out.
It took me that much to get it out.
Well, obviously you didn't care.
It's not your fault
And I don't blame you.
Come to think of it,
Maybe I should blame someone
And I know who to blame.
I don't know where I stand.
Maybe I belong in the skies?
Maybe in the swamp?
Do I ever deserved to know?
I don't know.
I am desperate to prove myself
But I am no longer sure to who.
Maybe I'm trying to prove to myself that I am worth something to someone.
Or maybe I was trying to prove that..
Up to this point, I am not even sure what I am.
Have you had those blurry moments
Where everything sort of fades?
Yeah, right now,
My lines, my words, my life,
They are slowly blurring, fading.
They say when life gives you lemons,
You make lemonade.
Well, my lemonade taste awful.
They say God has a plan and He protects.
Well, Lord,
You obviously forgot about me
Because I am still hurting and lost
And nothing ever happens no matter how damn hard I pray.
On second thought, God,
Let me hurt.
Maybe if I hurt long enough,
I will be immune to it and
Nothing, no one can hurt me anymore,
Or rather, I can get used to hurting all the time.
Well, it doesn't hurt to have a back up plan.
\
One day, I will be able to look up in the sky and be an illusion, a clear memory.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Deal. With. It.
This is me ranting so don't be offended. I am nothing like this if I am not in charge.
If you put me in charge, I will take charge.
If I have made my desicion, I will not care what you say.
I will be bossy because that's how I am when I'm put in charge and it's because you won't do anything if I'm not.
When I plan things, I have a standard so I will not care how you do it, follow that standard.
I will not care who you are or how important you are. If you don't help and yet, you want a position of power, you will be blasted by me or get kicked or both.
Do not question me why did I give you this job because it will either be you are very capable of handling things or you are incapable of doing things that I have to make you look after locked doors.
Do not test me if I am put on charged. Pushing me will also result in you having to hide in your room for a week because of humiliation.
\
Oh well, I sound mean but you have to do what you have to do if you want things to be done.
If you put me in charge, I will take charge.
If I have made my desicion, I will not care what you say.
I will be bossy because that's how I am when I'm put in charge and it's because you won't do anything if I'm not.
When I plan things, I have a standard so I will not care how you do it, follow that standard.
I will not care who you are or how important you are. If you don't help and yet, you want a position of power, you will be blasted by me or get kicked or both.
Do not question me why did I give you this job because it will either be you are very capable of handling things or you are incapable of doing things that I have to make you look after locked doors.
Do not test me if I am put on charged. Pushing me will also result in you having to hide in your room for a week because of humiliation.
\
Oh well, I sound mean but you have to do what you have to do if you want things to be done.
To those who..
To those who fall in love
But yet, so afraid to tell
You wonder what you would lose, or rather
What else would you lose?
If only he knew,
If only she knew,
If only they knew.
You question your courage
Hidden behind your fears
How much would it cost?
How much would it take?
Staking everything that you have,
Will it be all for nothing?
\
It doesn't matter if it's a no,
Though it'd be great if you get a yes.
At least you tried, celebrate that.
At least you don't have to wonder,
At least you have an answer.
At least you would know whether to give up,
Or try again.
At least you would know what to do next.
But yet, so afraid to tell
You wonder what you would lose, or rather
What else would you lose?
If only he knew,
If only she knew,
If only they knew.
You question your courage
Hidden behind your fears
How much would it cost?
How much would it take?
Staking everything that you have,
Will it be all for nothing?
\
It doesn't matter if it's a no,
Though it'd be great if you get a yes.
At least you tried, celebrate that.
At least you don't have to wonder,
At least you have an answer.
At least you would know whether to give up,
Or try again.
At least you would know what to do next.
Nostalgia.
So, I took a lil look at my friend's blog just now.
When her blog loaded, a photo of her, another friend and I came out. I still had braces in that photo. This other friend of ours looked so.. Innocent in it. My friend, well, she still looked the same, only that she has short hair now. Well, looking at that photo, it somehow forced me to remember how much things have change and how drasticly different we all look now.
Our friend there. She had black hair and she didn't wear make up that much. Only the usual lip gloss and that's it. She was a beauty, in a natural way. Everything about her used to be so easy, simple and innocent about. She was not hard to try to relate to. Things were easy.
For us, we didn't really change that much. We changed but just not as much as she did.
I miss her. She used to be a friend, a good one in fact. Now she hangs around in clubs every week. She changed her hair color and uses way too much make up that took away that natural beauty. She became someone I never met. She was like a sister but now, I barely see her anymore. Nothing's the same anymore, not even the friendship,
One year. And that's all it took.
I still miss her occasionally, wondering how sheis and stuff but I have to get on with my own life whether she chooses to be in it or not.
When her blog loaded, a photo of her, another friend and I came out. I still had braces in that photo. This other friend of ours looked so.. Innocent in it. My friend, well, she still looked the same, only that she has short hair now. Well, looking at that photo, it somehow forced me to remember how much things have change and how drasticly different we all look now.
Our friend there. She had black hair and she didn't wear make up that much. Only the usual lip gloss and that's it. She was a beauty, in a natural way. Everything about her used to be so easy, simple and innocent about. She was not hard to try to relate to. Things were easy.
For us, we didn't really change that much. We changed but just not as much as she did.
I miss her. She used to be a friend, a good one in fact. Now she hangs around in clubs every week. She changed her hair color and uses way too much make up that took away that natural beauty. She became someone I never met. She was like a sister but now, I barely see her anymore. Nothing's the same anymore, not even the friendship,
One year. And that's all it took.
I still miss her occasionally, wondering how sheis and stuff but I have to get on with my own life whether she chooses to be in it or not.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Random feeling, thought.
It still hurts even if it happened months ago. I know I should be used to this but it sucks because everyday, you wake up hurting all over and you don't know how to stop it. It's easy to put it aside but it comes back to haunt you everyday and sometimes you feel like you can't breathe. Losing all that you have does that to you. You would feel like crying but then, what would crying do? It won't change anything. I would do anything to get it back but I'm stuck debating with myself, do I have anything to lose this time? Yes, everything again.
\
Do you feel sad? Yeah, it hurts but what can you do about it?
\
Do you feel sad? Yeah, it hurts but what can you do about it?
Monday, January 9, 2012
May angels lead you in.
There are days when I wish you were still here. There are days when I wish I can still see you smile. No matter how hopeful I may seem, none of these wishes can ever come true.
The day you died, was the day when you took my everything with you. It's not your fault, I also took some time to remember that it's not mine either. Nothing stops me from missing you, it sucks.
You were my reason to breathe, my reason to live. You were my rock when I couldn't stand, my tower so I can stand tall. There isn't a day when I don't wish for a miracle to happen so I can bring you back but well, these hopes are in vain.
I miss you. I still haven't made a snowman yet. Wait for me in heaven. Then, we can build one that reaches the skies. It won't be long now, I promise.
Love you forever or longer.
xx
The day you died, was the day when you took my everything with you. It's not your fault, I also took some time to remember that it's not mine either. Nothing stops me from missing you, it sucks.
You were my reason to breathe, my reason to live. You were my rock when I couldn't stand, my tower so I can stand tall. There isn't a day when I don't wish for a miracle to happen so I can bring you back but well, these hopes are in vain.
I miss you. I still haven't made a snowman yet. Wait for me in heaven. Then, we can build one that reaches the skies. It won't be long now, I promise.
Love you forever or longer.
xx
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
We have done a lot of growing up.
Highlight of the day: I slipped, did the world's awesomest karate routine before falling butt first on the ground.
5th day of 2012. Everything is going quite well actually. i just got my badge for my Election Board post. Francine, Adrian and I are in charge of Election Day. It's a big event and we are going to oversee every single little detail for that day. It's going to be a good experience.
This Saturday is the "Challenge Accepted!" race. I also happen to be in charge of one of the booths. Mine is a really messy game. It involves a lot of water amd soap. It's gonna be awesome.
I might be struggling a little with school work. I don't get Physics. I don't think I will ever get Physics. Guess Science is just NOT for everyone. Heh.
I like getting involved with school activities. I guess it made me feel like I belong and like I am finally a part of something important. It gives me stress but in a good way. It allows me to stop myself from over-thinking. It stops me from feeling. I guess it's a good thing in a way. In fact, I have been involved in every single event ever held in IS. I like it.
Oh well, 2011 was a good year that I will never forget. I met the best people ever last year. I met people who willingly stayed in my life. They might not stay forever but who know if they might? Whatever. I am grateful to God for them. I could never ask for more because I have my best friemds here. But God, would a boyfriend be too much to ask for? :p I'm just kidding. i don't need a boyfriend. But really, would it?
shattap :p
5th day of 2012. Everything is going quite well actually. i just got my badge for my Election Board post. Francine, Adrian and I are in charge of Election Day. It's a big event and we are going to oversee every single little detail for that day. It's going to be a good experience.
This Saturday is the "Challenge Accepted!" race. I also happen to be in charge of one of the booths. Mine is a really messy game. It involves a lot of water amd soap. It's gonna be awesome.
I might be struggling a little with school work. I don't get Physics. I don't think I will ever get Physics. Guess Science is just NOT for everyone. Heh.
I like getting involved with school activities. I guess it made me feel like I belong and like I am finally a part of something important. It gives me stress but in a good way. It allows me to stop myself from over-thinking. It stops me from feeling. I guess it's a good thing in a way. In fact, I have been involved in every single event ever held in IS. I like it.
Oh well, 2011 was a good year that I will never forget. I met the best people ever last year. I met people who willingly stayed in my life. They might not stay forever but who know if they might? Whatever. I am grateful to God for them. I could never ask for more because I have my best friemds here. But God, would a boyfriend be too much to ask for? :p I'm just kidding. i don't need a boyfriend. But really, would it?
shattap :p
My mistake was staying when I should have been gone a long time ago.
Adele is a genius with her songs.
This is for you. You are not the mistake, staying and waiting for you is. I took you back everytime you said you were sorry. I took you back everytime I was ready to move on because I convinced myself I was nothing without you. Not anymore.
\
But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Where I felt something die
'Cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time!
Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you.
This is for you. You are not the mistake, staying and waiting for you is. I took you back everytime you said you were sorry. I took you back everytime I was ready to move on because I convinced myself I was nothing without you. Not anymore.
\
But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Where I felt something die
'Cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time!
Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I was enchanted to meet you.
Guys, I used to hate them.
Not saying that I'm lesbian, well, I might be.. Just kidding. But I used to be sooooo over guys. That was till I met him.
I never expected manners from guys because most of them just don't care. They think being rude and impolite and crude is the way to go. It is the way to go, if they want a chair, in their face. The egos, lame jokes, obssession with cars, computers and sports. I don't get it at all. Why can't they make conversions with easier topics like the weather and music? Ugh. Anyway..
He was surprisingly polite and nice. He was a gentleman. Most of my guy friends are so comfortable with me around that they punch me in the arm and enjoy killing me in COD. He treated me not only like a friend, but like a girl. He was the first guy to ever make me feel like I am a girl and not just some other person that he knows.
Why can't all guys be like him? Being a gentleman is not hard, it requires less work than being an ass. Imagine if the world had people like him, there will be no more war. Okay, maybe not that but at least, there will be less broken girls.
Nowadays, when I get a glimpse of him, my heart skips a beat and I smile, often to myself. I'm not sure why but I guess it's a good thing for me to feel this way and my best friend is more excited about this than I am.
You see, guys like him give me hope that not every other guy out there is a jerk. He exists, I guess that's enough for me.
\
To this guy that I am writing about, you are amazing. Don't stop being who you are, the world needs more people like you. And I guess I like you. Heh.
And to those who know who I'm talking about, stop laughing or smiling and no, you may not flop around and say "awwwwwwwww". I love you guys but if this gets out, I KNOW who to look for.
No, this is not a crush :p
Not saying that I'm lesbian, well, I might be.. Just kidding. But I used to be sooooo over guys. That was till I met him.
I never expected manners from guys because most of them just don't care. They think being rude and impolite and crude is the way to go. It is the way to go, if they want a chair, in their face. The egos, lame jokes, obssession with cars, computers and sports. I don't get it at all. Why can't they make conversions with easier topics like the weather and music? Ugh. Anyway..
He was surprisingly polite and nice. He was a gentleman. Most of my guy friends are so comfortable with me around that they punch me in the arm and enjoy killing me in COD. He treated me not only like a friend, but like a girl. He was the first guy to ever make me feel like I am a girl and not just some other person that he knows.
Why can't all guys be like him? Being a gentleman is not hard, it requires less work than being an ass. Imagine if the world had people like him, there will be no more war. Okay, maybe not that but at least, there will be less broken girls.
Nowadays, when I get a glimpse of him, my heart skips a beat and I smile, often to myself. I'm not sure why but I guess it's a good thing for me to feel this way and my best friend is more excited about this than I am.
You see, guys like him give me hope that not every other guy out there is a jerk. He exists, I guess that's enough for me.
\
To this guy that I am writing about, you are amazing. Don't stop being who you are, the world needs more people like you. And I guess I like you. Heh.
And to those who know who I'm talking about, stop laughing or smiling and no, you may not flop around and say "awwwwwwwww". I love you guys but if this gets out, I KNOW who to look for.
No, this is not a crush :p
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