Harry.

I know it makes no sense 'cause you walked out the door. At least it doesn't to me. I knew I won't be the one to end this because I know that I couldn't. Every song I hear reminds me of you and how everything used to be. The things that I do, remind me of you. Even things like plugs, it reminded me of what you said when I was trying describe something to you.

I don't remember crying. I don't remember being sad. I feel broken, like nothing is ever going to be right again. I can't cry, my body refuse to. I want to be upset so that I can get over this but I can't because right now, I can't feel anything. It's like my mind is refusing to feel anything that has to do with you. I've shed a few tears when I said my goodbyes but nothing much after that.

I keep wishing that you'll come back. I guess that's normal or maybe I still have that slight ray of hope left. She said she will kill me if I ever got back together with you. I don't know. It's like I'm so convinved that all that I am feeling now, that love for you, is something that I will never feel for anyone else. I love you, it's that simple but I wish everything was that simple.

You promised that you will be there forever. Who knew forever would be so short. I miss you. I understood everything you said and where you're coming from. I told you I would fight for it but it won't work out because you are not willing to fight harder.

I love you. I know this won't bring you back but I guess after so long, it became something I hold on to when I have nothing. I miss you all the time only now, I won't be able to say hi just like that. It hurts a lot but I'll be able to get by.

I love you and how I wish it was enough for you.

EXAMS ARE OVER MUTHAFAKAAAAAA!!!!

I guess the title says it all.

Soooooooooooooo, I haven't been blogging because I was busy with exams for the past month. Okay, maybe I was busy with trying to study for the exams but that is not the point.

I'm glad it's over and now I can blog without feeling guilty everytime I click the "New Post" link. It's a good feeling. I'm still waiting for the epic "FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" moment to come but nyehhh, I'm still mellow as shit.

I can finally write without feeling bad. Yay for me. This might be one of the many more posts to come.

Shit happened so I guess my next post will be about that.

Oh wells, this is life.

Yay?!

Breathe Me.

\

as oppsed to be completely crippled by this pain, you feel numb because you have no one left.

The only song that gives me hope for the moment.

Hold On 'Til The Night

[Verse 1]

Watching the minute hand

Frozen solid not moving

Still we believe we can

But we're afraid of losing

Watching from over here

Its hardly worth competing

I'm almost out of here

While breaking a heart that's beating

Just as I start giving up

I'm not backing up

[Chorus]

Run into the light

Get out of your own way

Not afraid to fight

Believe in what you say

I'll hold on till the night

Hanging by a thread

I'm not scared to let go

Thoughts inside your head

That creep up to get you

I believe this is right

So I'll hold on til the night

[Verse 2]

I climbed up on a tree

To get a new perspective

If love is worth the time

The price is being rejected

Just as I start falling down

I turned this around

[Bridge]

Hold on til I'm with you

All I've got to give you

All my fears are slowly fading to never know

Yes I start running running running running!!

Death in slow motion.

The lights start to dim,
And then, they start to flicker.
I blinked once, the lights look fine.
I swear I'm hallucinating.
There they go again.
On and off, on and off.

Everything started to move in slow motion.
I feel the pulse of my heart,
The red that flows through my body.
I think I saw the red staining my thigh.
The ringing in my ears won't stop.
I couldn't feel my hands, my head,
It's starting to hurt.
My mind doesn't seem to work, as it seems to be
Clouded.

I think I tried to stand up, but
I don't feel my legs working.
I'm trying so hard not to blink, because
I know that the moment I do,
Darkness and unconsciousness will swallow me whole.
I fought through it, I thought
I was going to die.

The ringing in my ears still hasn't stop,
My head is throbbing,
Nothing felt good.
Lying in a pool of red, well,
That doesn't seem like a good thing.
None of these seem like a good thing.

One more.
Just one more, and
Let me die.

Illusions of hell.

This feeling of utter hopelessness, it never goes away. Yes, it will be gone for that short moment when I'm occupied or when I'm in the company of others. But then, it comes back and I'm left, stuck in this spinning whirlpool of black darkness

. I don't listen to music anymore. I don't enjoy it now. Every song reminds me of you. Everything I do, it reminds me of you. I can't stand being reminded of you because this time, you're not here with me.

Everyday, I wait for my phone to ring. A call or maybe a text from you. Nothing. I still do the same thing every single day even though I know you only call if you needed something. People would tell me to move on and deal with it. What happens if I told you that I can't?

I used to enjoy food. Now I don't taste anything. Eating a meal is just filling your stomach so that you can stay alive. I don't see the point in eating anymore. I don't want to be alive. I feel dead enough everyday.

I say I love you to a lot of people. Now I'm not sure I mean it anymore. It's just empty words. You love with all your heart and then you are dropped just like that every single time. What makes you believe that love is a good thing when pain is all that ever comes out from loving someone? I drive by houses, buildings vehicles everyday, trying to look for something. I don't see it anywhere. Then, I saw you and everything made sense again.

\

We live alone, we die alone, everything else is just an illusion.

I'd rather live in an illusion, everything being an illusion than to feel this pain everyday.

Breaking the Silence.

I hear the faucet dripping in the kitchen
While I'm all the way up in my room.
I swear I hear the wind blowing
even though my windows are closed.
Shh, can you hear that?
That's my heartbeat, indicating
that I'm the only living thing present here

I never thought I was claustrophobic,
That was it, never.
Until today.

I never thought that being alone, pure silence
Was a bad thing
That was before I knew how loud silence can be.
I know I am hearing nothing, nothing at all
But then, if you listen closely,
There is an audible hum to nothing.
Almost hypnotising.
It makes you stare into space
While your innder demons fight to overtake you
In your own race.
The inner turmoil,
The fight till the end.
It seems to be that exact key
To bring back every flashback, insecurities
That was never meant to be there.

Oh, great. Rain.
Pattering rain drops,
They seem to quiet down the voices in my head.
This is better, at least it calms me down.
I can hear myself think now.
At least I don't feel so alone.
I smell the grass, trees.
Life, outside my house.

I will get through the day,
Even if it means spending it alone.

Street Dance 2. Worst dance movie ever

Street Dance is one of the most interesting and exciting movie to watch. They combined ballet and street dance together and the ending was just magical.

STREET DANCE 2, on the other hand, IS THE WORST DANCE MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!

I have watched a lot of dance movies like Step up, Step Up 2, Step Up 3(best movie ever), Street Dance, Stomp the Yard, Bring it On, the other cheerleading movies. This is THE WORST!! The way they shot it was simply terrible.

1. The male lead has a face that I would love very much to punch.
Compared to the other dance movies, he is one of the most useless and irritation characters ever. Who the hell gives up a few days before the competition.


2. He can't dance.
I'm sure he has impressive muscles during one of the scenes where he was heartbroken and was trying to figure everything out. Those are not dance muscles. For those who always watch SYTYCD, you would understand what I'm talking about. We see the other dancers doing their thing and dancing, but we don't see him dancing in the the movie. The only thing that he does is move in the background.

3. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU FOCUS THE CAMERA ON ONE PERSON IN THE SCENE OF A GROUP DANCE NUMBER!!!???
The point of a group dance number in a movie is to see the crew members dancing as one. Why the eff would you have a close up on the lead characters who cannot dance during that number? Okay fine, you are the director, you want close ups. FINE! Then, why is it that you are only shooting their upper bodies when they are dancing??

The point of a dance scene in a movie is for us to FRICKIN' WATCH THE DANCE. Close up's of the people's face does not achieve that. AT ALL!

4. The whole movie is just terrible.
You travel all around Europe to get the dancers. Doesn't that need something like money? And the love story is just ridiculous and the whole movie is revolved around that. This is a dance movie and those wrote this seem to forget that. The dance montage was the worst ever. 

\

I have never been this painfully disappointed with a dance movie before. I usually feel empowered after watching dance movies but this movie made me feel like I want to punch someone.

If you are a dancer and you love dance movies, don't watch this. Watch Step Up 3.
Not worth your time at all.

Deep breaths, you'll get through it.

Not fair.

Dear God, this is not fair. It sucks enough that there's more than 3000 miles between us. It's not fair that I still have feelings after 3 years. It's not fair for me to keep having hope even though I know that it might not work out. How can I look at other people and not be jealous? It's not fair.