SKRILLEX!!!

Let me use, use, use you up tonight.
Give me all, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're mine

 
It's an AWESOME song!!!! Wonder why it took me this long to actually listen to Skrillex.
 
LOOK OUT EARPHONESS!!! YOU'RE GOING TO BE DOING A LOT OF BOOMING THESE DAYS!!!

Holidays. Brothers.

Holidays are so unproductive. I am going back to KK in about 2 hours. I really don't enjoy long journeys in the car but too bad, they don't have airports here so yeah.

Maybe this is weird to say so but I'm not afraid to admit that I miss my brothers. I cried when I was told by my mum that my dad misses us. My brother is at camp and I'm at a sleepover two hours away. My mum said that dad said things are going to be something like this if my brother and I are studying overseas or something next time. I burst into tears after reading the text.

Then I told my brother that daddy misses us. My brother called right after that. Telling me that they are playing Frisbee and he got another cut on his leg which I found amusing for some reason. Then after that phone call, I was in tears?

Now I'm thinking that IF I really go somewhere to study, I am REALLY going to miss my family.

Ugh. I can't be all sad and teary. I should stop talking.

Till next time.

I don't know why but I miss my brother.

:'/

It's been weeks since I've seen you
I know you were gone
I told myself that
It only makes sense if
I didn't like you anymore.
And prove this to myself,
I told you how I felt.
I felt nothing when
You told me your heart belongs to another.

I told myself that I am fine
That I had given you up
I thought I've forgotten you
Thought you were out of my mind
Gone.
For all I know.

Then this song came on.
The aching feeling reminded me of something, someone
Someone that was suppose to be gone
Then I realised it was you.
I have been lying to myself.
Lying that I've stopped liking you.
When in reality,
I was just forcing myself to believe that
I wasn't falling for you anymore.

I swear I'm going to cry for you
I swear I'm not going to think about you.
I swear I'm letting you go.
I swear I don't like you anymore.
I swear..

I miss you.

My most normal but happiest birthday

It was a normal day out. But I had fun. For the first time ever, I spend my birthday like any other day. I helped Abigail and Emery to shop for the things needed for the play. Well, I didn't exactly helped but I tagged along and gave suggestions when needed to and that is helping :) And Abby bought me a mango ice cream as my birthday treat :D

The morning started out with the extended student council meeting. It ended around 12pm. And I watched some of my friends rehearse for the play for IS night. It was good. There are sweet scenes that makes you just AAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! It's going to be good play :D

I'm still debating whether to go for IS night or not. I dont want to buy the dress because I don't think I will be able to fit into one. It's just embarrassing.

After the shopping stuff thing, I went to Emery's house to chillax. I like going to her house. Her house is just gorgeous. She took a nap while I went on facebook. I really see no point of going on facebook sometimes but you just click on it automatically.

Emery seem to have taken my birthday as a reason to go crazy because she tells every single person that we meet and know that's my birthday. I'm not sure if I am reacting to the whole being-the-center-of-attention thing or I just don't like people knowing but I just don't want people to know it's my birthday.

When I went to her youth, she just HAD to announce to EVERYONE IN THE ROOM, "IT'S TRYPHENA'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!" I was like "Dude, shut up!" But oh well, a lot of people knew. When she told her mum, I feel bad when she gave me an ang pau. I mean she didn't have to, really. But I was grateful anyway. Her mum also gave me a hug :DDDD

Well, anyway, when it was nearly ending, we stood up to pray. And i had a phone call so I left the room but about 15 seconds later, someone told me to go inside for a while but since I was on the phone, I motioned later.

After the phone call, I went in and the second I stepped in the doorway, I heard "HAPPY..." and I ran back out. xD I guess I panicked. The same thing happened last year when Vui Ting surprised me with a cake and stuff. Darren had to literally push me into the room. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH But I cannot believe I ran out of the room.

Even though I didn't have party or didn't do anything special like jump off a cliff or something, I had fun today. I am not someone who cares about how much you spend on my birthday gift or how big was the party that you threw me. I don't give a shit about it. It's always the thought that counts. To me, a gift is something that comes from the heart and cannot be bought entirely by money.

Personally, I would find a heart-felt letter more valuable than a very expensive gift. I am never a materialistic person so I treasure letters and photos more because they come from the heart and hold memories that are precious and irreplaceable.

Emery is one of the people that I would like to thank for making 14, May, 2011 a special day for me. So, EMERY THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!!! AND YOU'RE GOING DOWN ON 27th SEPT!!!!

Just Don't

Don’t eat, you’re gonna get fatter.

Don’t talk, you’re making yourself look fucking stupid.

Don’t laugh, it’s annoying as fuck.

Don’t hold on, you’re going to fucking let go sooner or later anyways.

Don’t expect someone to make an effort with you, you’re just gonna let yourself down again.

Don’t try, whats the fucking point?

Don’t cry, you’re fucking weak.

Don’t feel anything anymore, numbness is all you fucking know now.

Don’t hope for freedom, these chains are never going to be cut loose. Ever.

Don’t even breathe; it’s fucking pointless.

4 days till my big one eight.

It will be about 4 days till I turn 18.
Am I happy? No, not really.
Am I nervous? What's there to be nervous about, right?

Gahh.
I don't know what I'm feeling. I just don't feel like celebrating it anyway.
I just want to curl up in my room on my birthday and stay there till day is over.

Can someone explain to me why I'm feeling like this?
Never mind, I don't think I want to know anyway.
God, this kind of feeling sucks.

And...

I miss him. A lot.
I miss him more than I should.
I miss him too much for my own good.

Fuck.

Just needed to taalk

I feel tired because I've been at the beach for almost a whole day. It was fun. It was a long time since I've been at the beach without a schedule going on. It was nice being not busy for a while.

Anyway, I got my driver's license on Wednesday and highlighted my hair yesterday. I was an awesome week overall.

I feel...... confused. Irritated.

Ugh.

Sigh.

Guess who has good news?

Soooooooo....
I passed QTI or QIT. Whichever it is, I passed it.
Now I get to TRY to pass my driving test so that I get my driver's license.

Dear cars,
please be nice to me on Wednesday.

School holidays are cool. I get to sleep late and get up late. No, wait. I have laundry to do. So nope, I still have to be up by 8. I get the house to myself which is nice but oddly annoying because you get bored sometimes.

Picnic this Friday with CF! BBOOOOOOYYAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Saturday. Kabaddi video shoot. Naaaaiiiccccceeeeee.

So now, i'm trying my best not to be sleepy. Guess what? IT'S NOT WORKING!

I don't know why but I WANT TO EAT PEARS!!! Pears are yummy! Pears are good. Pears are friends that taste good. My GOD, I did NOT just go there.

I am sleepy. Things look weird and WHY THE HELL ARE THEY MOVING??? I think I'm going crazy. Guess that's what insomnia does to yahh.

I hope everything goes well on Saturday. I don't want to ruin things and make it irreversible. Sometimes I would wonder if I make the right choice but I know I will regret it more if I don't do it. Thinking about this, I WANNA RUN AND HIDE IN A CAVE NAAAWWWWW!!!!!

Heh.

Irritated/Annoyed/Sleepy/Cranky/Scared

I am irritated because I need new songs in my playlist and the stupid phone's USB won't read.

Annoyed because the computer won't read my phone's USB. GAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Sleepy because I've been hitting the snooze button from 3am to about 6.30am for the past week. I need sleep but NAWWTTT SLEEPEHHH!!!

Cranky..... Uhhhhh.... I dont know really. I just am. HAHAHAHAAHHAH

Scared because I'm afraid I will ruin everything after speaking thos words.

Anyway.....

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYY DAAAA HOLIDAYSSS!!!

Things to do during the holidays:
1. Clean my room
2. Clean the bathroom
3. Get my driver's license (before Francine :D)
4. Highlight my hair
5. Sleepover with Vui Ting and try not to be mad AT her

I feel like ranting. Forgive me if you get bored.

What happens if someone close to you accidentally hurts you and even though you know they mean well, you still get really hurt and really mad? I would love to cause them as much pain as possible, make them suffer and shit. But I can't because I love them. Lame excuse in the world but it's true. But then when I see them , my anger just made it impossible for me to think straight and swallow the acid in my mouth.

Those who know me know that I dont forget and I rarely forgive. I forgive them but I get mad when I think about what they did. I mean, I shouldn't be even getting mad at them for such an insignificant thing but I cannot help feeling hurt about this. WHAT? The whole ENTIRE world knows and me as your best friend in your own words is the very last to know????

WHAT THE FUCK!

I've been venting about this for a long long time and I still get mad when I think about it. Do you blame me? Sigh. Last night, I got really mad and I had to let it out. I wrote about 7 pages of my feelings on this particular subject. Sigh.

Life goes on.

I have to say...

I have an exam coming up in two days.

Fuck.

I feel like shooting myself . Literally.

Anyway,

I have liked you for a while now.

Not sure if I have ever felt something so strong like this before.

Every time I see you, 

My heart skips a beat.

I tell myself that I am being stupid

But there's no way I can convince myself 

To stop smiling every time you smiled at me

I feel silly for having my stomach flip

Every time I see you smile.

But I can never suppressed the feeling

That it is not meant to be

I would feel my heart sink

When I know there are many who are better than me

But there are so many things that I wish I can say to you

And I wish by some miracle,

You would feel the same way too.

Sigh.