Never home.

I didn't know what was wrong actually,
like, I was fine but I was sad?
I spend the whole afternoon, busying myself,
trying to avoid something, feeling something.
Then again, the whole afternoon was spent on "damn feels" short films.
I didn't know what was going on
or rather, I didn't want to know what was going on.

That was until no one was free to hang out with me,
then I realize that I felt lonely.
The people I asked to hang out weren't free,
so, I just sat in my room, trying to find something to do.
The urge to edit family photos that were long overdue were strong,
so that's what I did.

Being lonely has never felt this painful in a long time.
What struck a nerve was a picture of my little brother.
I didn't realize how much I missed him because I told myself that I don't.
Scrolling through all of the photos is really not a good idea,
I end up breaking down and yeah, crying.
I've always wanted to go home,
I just didn't realize that until now.

I still say, "I'm going back," whenever I say goodbye to my friends.
Never the word "home".
I only used it when I was flying back, to home.
I guess, I was never home after all,
I was only back in my room
but never home.