For the last time.

I learnt that..

Most of us don't really learn about that feeling of "the last time" until we actually have to do something for that very LAST time.

Like now, it's my last time tweeting/blogging/sleeping/downloading stuff in my own room.

And somehow, we don't realize how important something or someone is to us until the very last minute. I think it's sad. 

When my mum told me that she couldn't sent me off to university in the morning, I felt tears in my eyes. And it's weird because she was there during every graduation, every performance and when she said she couldn't make it, I felt that emptiness of her absence even if I understood why she couldn't make it.

It's not like I'm mad at here but it's just that kid inside of you that wants to throw a tantrum is screaming "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE!" And it's just that feeling..

Oh shit,

I'm crying. 

Why did I make myself cry...?

I haven't cried in a while. The last time I cried was the day I last saw Francine. It was like a pent up explosion of her leaving and me leaving my family and for.. change.

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate goodbyes. Like hate it!

I'd do anything to stop it from happening or at least let myself not feel the absence of that person or avoid it altogether.

People leaving. And goodbyes.

Those are my biggest fears. And I'm still having trouble facing it.

Francine, why are you on the other side of the world when I need you the most..? Come back :(

I'll write more later because I feel like I will have a lot of things to say, a lot of thoughts to be expressed and it'll be good, I guess.

I hope I get a nice roommate. I don't expect them to be neat ( 'cause I'm not.), proper ( I am so not!) or perfect. I just want someone that I get along with.

Fingers crossed. 

To be honest, I am really scared.

Sigh.