The reality of pain

You take a long drag of cigarette
Your eyes closed while inhaling
Then, a long train of smoke as you exhale
Blowing the smoke out used to calm you down
At least helping you to breathe
While you feel the wind in the air
Your smoke slowly disintegrating into the air
But not this time.

Flashbacks on shouting and breakdowns
All whirring by in slow motion
Pain came first but rage took over
The adrenaline rush became something to strive for
as the shouting match became something to be won
Then, it came to a point where you have no words
Only pain, that took over your senses
Paralyzing you
Thus, ending the match with no winner

You sat on the edge of your bed, barely breathing
Something in the middle of your chest, crawling to be let out
You stretched out your limbs as it erupted
And you fell to the ground because it's engulfing you
You tried to curl yourself into a ball
as if trying to cage that feeling back in
But you can't

And you laid there, waiting
For the feeling to subside, enough for you to get back up
But it doesn't
You sat up and you feel like your rib cage is going to burst
The painful electricity spread throughout your body
Surging through every vein, every artery
You bury your finger into your tangled mess of hair with your eyes closed
You let out a scream, only to realize that
you have no energy left for even a scream

You kept your eyes closed
Silently hoping that the darkness will swallow you whole
Engulf you entirely
because anything would be better than this
You feel your limbs get broken
You feel it cracking and you can't move
Bright spots blind your sight
because all you feel is raw, excrutiating pain
You can feel yourself breaking
Breaking into a million pieces while being put back together
Only to be broken again
And again
And again

You breathe in, breathe out
Feeling the oxygen going into your brain
Feeling your blood circulating through your body
Your surroundings so quiet, so dead
Your own breathing echoing off the walls
as you began to regain conscious of reality
But consciousness doesn't make the pain a dream
Nor does it make it into an illusion
It just becomes a part of you
And you just fall apart everyday