Survivor

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Have Fun!

if someone says 'are you okay', you say?

Outrageous (LOL, I would)

how would you describe yourself?

The Ballad of Mona Lisa (Shall I compare me to Mona Lisa?)

what do you like in a guy/girl?

Goin' In (LOLOLOLOLOLOL OMG)

how do you feel today?

Rescue me (yeahh..)

what is your life's purpose?

One Fine WIre

what's your motto?

Brick by Boring brick (Fuck yeahh)

what do your friends think of you?

Diamonds aren't forever

what do your parents think of you?

Thunder (LOLOLOLOL what does this mean)

what do you think about very often?

Unbreakable

what is 2 + 2?

Till I forget about you

what do you think of your best friend?

She will be loved (BY MEEEEEE)

what is your life story?

Sick (true HAHAHAHAHAHA)

what do you want to be when you grow up?

Understanding

what do you think when you see the person you like?

All that I'm living for (Wow... so dramatic)

what will you dance to at your wedding?

Apologize (HAHAHAHAHAHAH sorry, husband, I'm going to make you miserable for the rest of your life) 

what will they play at your funeral?

Shut Up and Drive (ahahahahahha)

what is your hobby/interest?

Unfaithful (I AM NOT)

what is your biggest fear?

Even in death

what is your biggest secret?

Teenagers (This doesn't make sense)

what do you want right now?

Where will you go (..what?)

what do you think of your friends?

Butterfly wings (LOLOLOLOLOL)

what will you post this as?

Survivor

Depression

I can't give you a simpler explanation
than this.

You smile
laugh
talk
communicate
flawlessly
just like you would have.
You're fine
even though
you know it's there, lingering.

When you get home,
when you're alone,
you just fall apart
and die.

Small things I love #1: Honesty

“I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.”

23/8/13 - the day before.

I've never told anyone this,

I am beyond terrified to go back to KL. That idea of being stuck in a room with someone that I hate. I hate my roommate, I hate her existence. I think partly it's because she reminds me of the solitude that I will be facing very soon. I am terrified of being stuck in a room with myself. Right now, packing seems to be physically painful and now all I want to do is run away. I know that putting back packing is not a good idea but that doesn't mean I want to do it. I seem to always be running endlessly away from something in slow motion in my dreams nowadays. Not a good feeling.

I know I don't seem to show that I care but truth to be told, I am scared. Not visibly. No, but I know that I am slowly shutting down.

it has come to a point when someone asks me if I'm okay, I just.. don't know. I don't know whether to say yes or no. Yes, I'm okay because I really don't know how to explain why. No, I'm not because I really want someone to care, even if I keep pushing people away. I just want you to stay but I don't know how to say it. Asking for company or "help" seems.. weak. Even if they are willing to help, I don't see any reason for any of them to stay, at least I don't think I am worth enough for them to stay. I know I am just pushing them away but right now, I will not let anyone stay long enough for them to be someone that I am afraid to lose.

\

There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don’t feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to connect to anyone or anything. 

Never again.

getting there now

slowly

getting there

Reflection.

tell me
tell me if
it's possible
for someone to fall apart
without giving anything away?

\

Yes.

I just felt my insides died
I think my toes and fingers went numb
something somewhere in my chest just clenched
and now,
I can't feel anything
I can't feel my face muscles,
it's like I'm drunk
without consuming alcohol.
My airway feels constricted and
I feel like I'm choking
because my lungs,
they are rejecting oxygen
All I can do is hyperventilate
and gasped silently for air,
which is obviously not working.
I literally feel myself crumbling into pieces
and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
Now, my bones and everything
start to hurt
and all I want to do is
curl up in my bed,
close my eyes,
sleep
and hopefully, just maybe,
die

All these happened
while I'm staring at myself
in the mirror.

tumblr musings.

Perhaps
the reason you hated yourself
so much
has to do with the fact that
you've poured
all
your love into
someone else
and
left none for yourself

or maybe
you didn't think you deserve any love
even from yourself
so you gave it all away instead

Why would you chose me?

How can someone love me
when I can't even bear
the sight of
myself
in the mirror?

Why would someone chose me,
chose to love me
when
there are a lot more girls
who are perfect
and better than
me?

Why would someone want to be
with me
when
there are a lot more girls who look better
and look cuter with
you?

Why would you chose someone
like me,
cracked, broken and jaded?

Why would you chose me
to be your reason
to smile,
when all I am
is a bundle of old scars
and
dark secrets?

Why would you chose me,
over her,
the tall pretty blonde,
the skinny flawless brunette?

How can you look at me
and not
see everything that is
wrong
with me?

Why would you chose to be
with me,
when I won't even choose me
if
I had a choice?

"Stay with me 'cause that's what I need, please."

This is one of those days where I just want to sit and cry and do nothing else.

My current song on replay: My heart (acoustic) - Paramore

I shall write later but I'm tired from everything.