Pain. Just pain.

You know the kind of pain that makes you short of breath?

The kind that makes you want to shrivel up and hide from the world. And then, you just want to close your eyes while lying in bed and pretend that everything else is just a dream. You feel this gaping hole in your chest but you don't know what's wrong. You're not upset, you're not sad. No, you're very sure that you're not numb. You feel something but you don't know what's that called.

You'd think falling asleep will make everything go away, at least just for a little while. Then, you realize that you can still feel the pain even in your dreams. You don't give up, you try harder to fall asleep but to no avail, you know that you can't because the pain is consuming you and your brain just refuses to shut up. You end up tossing and turning all night, feeling the emptiness engulf you whole. You know you can't cry because the tears won't come. You wrap your arms around your body, hoping to get a little sense of security. Yeah, it doesn't work.

Then, you take a deep breath. Breathe in, breathe out. You feel your lungs expand and contract. It hurts to breathe. You close your eyes as you breathe. Your eyes burn due to insomnia. Your hearing becomes sharper to sounds that does not seem to be there in the first place. Yeah, insomnia does that to you. All you want to do is just to sit somewhere, breathe and try to get through the day in one piece. The agony of this, you'd do anything to get rid of this.

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And you just can't make sense of this pain because it's not suppose to be there anymore.