Never simple, never easy.

I'm sitting here, trying so hard
To strike a conversation.
It shouldn't be hard, it never should be.
So, why am I so scared?
I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, I just am.
I don't know what to say, I don't know where to start,
Not anymore.

Looking at you, I know I've hurt you bad.
I don't know what to do to fix this.
I can only keep blaming myself
Even though you said it's okay.
I know that was the last thing you expected from me.
Words could not describe what I'm feeling.
I have so much to say, but I can't find the words to say it.
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry I can't undo this.
I'm sorry I caused this in the first place.
I'm sorry I let it consume me.
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
I'm sorry I can't find more words to say everything.

Yesterday made it to my list top 3 bad days.
24 hours have never felt so long.
I know it didn't really affect you, but
I've never cried so much in a day,
Never cried that much in my dream too.
I felt myself die.
I felt my mind shutting down, as if
I'm having a heart attack or something.
I remember not being able to see something
Without having a kind of fear.
And then, when I see you
My heart stopped.
I felt something stabbed it,
Reviving it but killing it
Both at the same time.

I know I won't lose you
But sometimes, it just feels like I will.
If I could make this better,
You know I would.
You are important to me,
I can't be perfect but I can try.
I'm sorry for everything.
At least I understand now.