Tired, physically.

This is just an update. If you ask me why am I updating, it's because dumb ass, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want.

I am tired. My head hurts. My left foot is swollen and the throbbing feeling does not help, at all.

It has been a day full of happenings, there was stress in the radio club due to issues. I was busy, we had things to figure out. I cooked dinner for myself and ate on the floor of my room in silence.

It was not the typical day. Well, it was but it was just busy.

Yknow what's the good thing about today and the days before?

My mind is quiet.

When I wake up recently, I don't have to beg myself to not die. Nothing hurts like it always did. It's a very calming thing for me because for the last few weeks, I've been waking up with the feeling of walls caving on me. And I literally begged myself to breathe and breathe and breathe until the voices in my head stopped.

Then again, they never stop, they just become a hum in the background when I'm distracted or busy. They come back when I don't realize it or I didn't have my walls high enough.

You'd ask what voices. It's not like someone is talking to you. For me, it's a repetition of some specific song lyric or a thought or thoughts. It just plays on loop for as long as it wants to until I fall completely into its trap and I just.. die.

Anyway, I shall have a snack and sleep.

Like I've said, too tired and I should treasure this silence in my head as much as I can because I don't know when the voices will be back.