Educate yourself to be happy.

“Do not educate yourself to be rich, educate yourself to be happy. That way when you get older you’ll know the value of things, not the price. In the end, you will come to realize that the best days are the days when you don’t need anything extreme or special to happen to make you smile. You simply appreciate the moments and feel gratitude, seeking nothing else, nothing more.”

Highlight of the month.

The is perhaps the highlight of the month for me. It's like an inside joke but I would like to share it.

So last night, Francine was telling how gained weight and how she has a double chin now. So she sort of like do the "double chin" face.

I asked her, "How many chins do you have?"

She said, "Two," pointing to the double layers of skin and fat under her actual chin.

I said, with a big grin on my face, "Two chins." Then, I pointed at myself, "One," and I pointed at Tim, "Two."

She just looked at me, completely baffled and she burst out laughing and I was laughing so hard too. It was a really good lame joke, in my opinion.

The joke is that both Tim and my last name is Chin. So, it's sort of like pun joke.

Made my day :) Doesn't happen often but it's nice when things like this happens.

Oh, we're going to watch Insidious 2. Die.

you.

Even after two years of trying to be over you, my heart still skips when I hear your ringtone.
My heart is still yours.
Yes, even after two years, nothing has changed.

relapse

It's not really relapse I just
didn't have the time to do it.

I forgot how it felt
to have a new blade
run across your wrist.
It makes a very satisfying scratching sound
and I feel the adrenalin rush.
It's like oxygen was pumped into my lungs
and I can breathe again.

I know it's bad
I know you wouldn't understand it
I know it's bad
but I need to function
I need to breathe
I need to be okay
I need to survive.

I sense my anxiety levels slowly rising. The red light in my head says “DANGER! CAUTION!” and the green light says “Run!”. I am afraid of the past repeating but running will not help me see that it belongs in the past. 

She’s smiling and she’s happy. I am happy for her because I know she would be happy for me too. She was smiling so big, it's nice to see this side of people. It is oddly comforting. Despite everything before, I know this time it will be different 

because I won't let the past make me fear 

because 

because  

because when the red light in my head flashed, I didn't run.

You don't want this poison

she said to him,
"You don't want this poison,"
and then,
she ran away.
Her heart screamed and cried
because she loved him
but she didn't believe that
he could ever love her.
She didn't believe that anyone would love her
or at least, stay.
She ran away,
she ran a distance, to somewhere
that no one knows, somewhere completely barren.

She loved him
but she said to him,
"You don't want this poison,"
and then,
she ran away.