Falling and loving.

Falling is losing control of your own movement, of your own body, losing sense of gravity. Falling is moving all your limbs with no avail, still dropping from a certain height. Falling is slowly dropping deeper and deeper into oblivian without an idea of escape.

Falling in love is another thing. Falling in love is something that you can't get out from, just like that. It's not something you can stop just because you want to. On contrary, the more you want yourself to stop falling, the harder you fall. Falling in love is risking your own heart and putting yourself out there because you know you can't stop falling unless you have a reason to.

When I close my eyes, I see you. You're smiling. A dimple on your right cheek, while your white straight teeth gleam in the sunlight. Your laughter rings in my ear, bringing me to places that I didn't know existed. The sun emphasizes the brown in your silky hair and those golden flecks hidden in your beautiful brown eyes. You smell of summer like you always do. The warm breeze and dry trees, with a hint of sea water. Your tanned skin, soft with that tiny bit of roughness along that texture.

That ease when I'm around you brings me a sense of reality but yet, it also brings me to some other kind of fantasy, another world so to speak.  A world, a place where heartbreaks and pain are just subjects of a myth. The way I feel complete around you, like nothing else can hurt me when I'm with you. Every imperfection of yours, the parts of yourself that you hate, made you unjustly perfect. Anywhere I go, as long as you are with me, anywhere I go, is better than paradise.

Then, I realise I couldn't have you. No matter how hard I fight, it will never become anything more. That game of charades that I play. Making you believe that I didn't care, making you believe that it was for the reasons that I've told you. I should win an award for all the acting that I did because you believed me. I forced myself to believe everything that I told you. You believed me and I still don't because every single time I see you, I faller harder than the last. And it's that pain that goes with everything that I feel for you. I want you to be happy, even if it's not with or because of me. And for that very reason, I fight, to keep you even if I can't make you mine.

Loving someone is not bringing in gifts or showering them with compliments. Loving someone is seeing them every single day but yet, feeling like you can never get enough of them. Loving someone is smiling whenever you think about them.

Falling in love is not the romance that you see in happy-ending fairy tales. Falling in love is slow and it's something you don't realise until it's too late.

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Falling in love is looking into their eyes and seeing everything that you've always wanted.

Loving someone is looking into their eyes, seeing everything that you want in this world, closing your eyes and letting them go.