Vent.

Have you ever felt so sick of everything? So sick of everyone? And you feel like you have enough of whatever. You just want to take a deep breath and not have a headache. Then, you'll get to act like nothing else matters in the world, just for that ONE day.

I am so sick of everyone telling me what I am doing wrong, what that I'm NOT doing exactly right, what I should do and what I cannot do. Why is it that everything I do, EVERYTHING, is not enough for you? I did everything that was mine to be done, I did more than what I should sometimes. Why the fuck is it not enough to please you? I could not make plans, I could not do anything I want without worrying about the time, just so I can be there in time to sent you guys to places and to pick you guys up. I wasted 4 hours doing that and 100% of the time, the sending and picking up is during traffic hour and during the times where everyone gets to finish up whatever they want. I WOKE UP AT 6 IN THE MORNING and guess what? I couldn't go back to sleep now.

That is one thing from one side of everything.

Then, I stopped giving a fuck about everything. I stopped caring as much, I stopped believing, I stopped feeling anything that could make me feel that pain again. I stopped letting myself feel. Why? Funny story really. 'Cause apparently, I do not have the RIGHT to feel anything that does not benefit whoever the fuck it is. I am so sorry for feeling what I was not entitled to feel. Thank you for making me feel like shit when I felt upset, angry, mad or whatever. I was not aware that I have to be attuned to what you are feeling because having my own feelings might just as well be illegal. Did I say it right? You're allowed to be upset or angry while I do and say the right things or keep quiet and I am not allowed to be upset, angry without you making me feel like it's wrong to have emotions.

And now moving on to the imprefections you keep pointing out unconciously.

I'm sorry that I don't have that PERFECT body, PERFECT teeth, PEREFECT, hair, PERFECT skin, PERFECT everything. I'm sorry that I have to keep fixing them to make it CLOSE to not-really-perfect.I'm sorry that you keep wishing that it's all perfect. I'm sorry that you wake up everyday, stuck with all these imperfections. I'm sorry that I got used to being imperfect. I'm sorry that I like it. HAH, are you kidding? No, I'm not sorry.

I see the frown in between your brows everytime my skin acts up or when you see my scars. I see the frustration in your face everytime I buy shoes because I wasn't the "normal" size. I see the mask of disapproval whenever I see something I like and I didn't even have to try it on to know what you're going to say. And then, that tint of annoyance when I got sick and tired of caring about how I look.

I cannot be perfect, I refuse to be. I like my flaws, you can't fix what doesn't want to be fixed. You cannot force me to see what you want ME to see just because YOU don't see it from MY point of view. Is it so wrong to just want to be me? To be able to be however I want to be. To be able to feel what I am feeling and not have you tell me how wrong it is or have you act like you expect the worst out of me.

Is it so wrong to just want to be me?