Illusions of hell.

This feeling of utter hopelessness, it never goes away. Yes, it will be gone for that short moment when I'm occupied or when I'm in the company of others. But then, it comes back and I'm left, stuck in this spinning whirlpool of black darkness

. I don't listen to music anymore. I don't enjoy it now. Every song reminds me of you. Everything I do, it reminds me of you. I can't stand being reminded of you because this time, you're not here with me.

Everyday, I wait for my phone to ring. A call or maybe a text from you. Nothing. I still do the same thing every single day even though I know you only call if you needed something. People would tell me to move on and deal with it. What happens if I told you that I can't?

I used to enjoy food. Now I don't taste anything. Eating a meal is just filling your stomach so that you can stay alive. I don't see the point in eating anymore. I don't want to be alive. I feel dead enough everyday.

I say I love you to a lot of people. Now I'm not sure I mean it anymore. It's just empty words. You love with all your heart and then you are dropped just like that every single time. What makes you believe that love is a good thing when pain is all that ever comes out from loving someone? I drive by houses, buildings vehicles everyday, trying to look for something. I don't see it anywhere. Then, I saw you and everything made sense again.

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We live alone, we die alone, everything else is just an illusion.

I'd rather live in an illusion, everything being an illusion than to feel this pain everyday.

Breaking the Silence.

I hear the faucet dripping in the kitchen
While I'm all the way up in my room.
I swear I hear the wind blowing
even though my windows are closed.
Shh, can you hear that?
That's my heartbeat, indicating
that I'm the only living thing present here

I never thought I was claustrophobic,
That was it, never.
Until today.

I never thought that being alone, pure silence
Was a bad thing
That was before I knew how loud silence can be.
I know I am hearing nothing, nothing at all
But then, if you listen closely,
There is an audible hum to nothing.
Almost hypnotising.
It makes you stare into space
While your innder demons fight to overtake you
In your own race.
The inner turmoil,
The fight till the end.
It seems to be that exact key
To bring back every flashback, insecurities
That was never meant to be there.

Oh, great. Rain.
Pattering rain drops,
They seem to quiet down the voices in my head.
This is better, at least it calms me down.
I can hear myself think now.
At least I don't feel so alone.
I smell the grass, trees.
Life, outside my house.

I will get through the day,
Even if it means spending it alone.

Street Dance 2. Worst dance movie ever

Street Dance is one of the most interesting and exciting movie to watch. They combined ballet and street dance together and the ending was just magical.

STREET DANCE 2, on the other hand, IS THE WORST DANCE MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!

I have watched a lot of dance movies like Step up, Step Up 2, Step Up 3(best movie ever), Street Dance, Stomp the Yard, Bring it On, the other cheerleading movies. This is THE WORST!! The way they shot it was simply terrible.

1. The male lead has a face that I would love very much to punch.
Compared to the other dance movies, he is one of the most useless and irritation characters ever. Who the hell gives up a few days before the competition.


2. He can't dance.
I'm sure he has impressive muscles during one of the scenes where he was heartbroken and was trying to figure everything out. Those are not dance muscles. For those who always watch SYTYCD, you would understand what I'm talking about. We see the other dancers doing their thing and dancing, but we don't see him dancing in the the movie. The only thing that he does is move in the background.

3. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU FOCUS THE CAMERA ON ONE PERSON IN THE SCENE OF A GROUP DANCE NUMBER!!!???
The point of a group dance number in a movie is to see the crew members dancing as one. Why the eff would you have a close up on the lead characters who cannot dance during that number? Okay fine, you are the director, you want close ups. FINE! Then, why is it that you are only shooting their upper bodies when they are dancing??

The point of a dance scene in a movie is for us to FRICKIN' WATCH THE DANCE. Close up's of the people's face does not achieve that. AT ALL!

4. The whole movie is just terrible.
You travel all around Europe to get the dancers. Doesn't that need something like money? And the love story is just ridiculous and the whole movie is revolved around that. This is a dance movie and those wrote this seem to forget that. The dance montage was the worst ever. 

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I have never been this painfully disappointed with a dance movie before. I usually feel empowered after watching dance movies but this movie made me feel like I want to punch someone.

If you are a dancer and you love dance movies, don't watch this. Watch Step Up 3.
Not worth your time at all.

Deep breaths, you'll get through it.