She changed her mind, most likely.

My heart has continued to drop endlessly for days. I continue to feel numb when I am not with company. I feel dead. I have mildly tried to recreate the mess I feel inside on my wrists and my belly. Maybe I really am not enough. Maybe it really is my fate to forever be left behind or a burden. 

I said I would wait for the year. I will but maybe at the price of my sanity again. I trusted you because you were so determined and I gave you all my understanding and my efforts and my empathy even though you did not deserve it. 

I was wrong. Now I am alone in my room. My wrist and my belly burns and I am alone in my room, mourning again. Mourning the person I believed you to be. I am alone again. I am alone. 

You are this close to changing your mind and leaving me behind. After that, I am alone again.