Dear Robby,
It's been almost three years since you were gone. I know I should be accepting this fact and moving on with life but somehow I am not able to digest it even though I was able to move on. There is a lingering pain somewhere inside of me when I think of you or hear a song that reminds me of you. I'm not sure what to make of it. i guess I just miss you.
Where are you now? That's what I'm asking myself sometimes. Are you doing well? Do you still get to snowboard wherever you are now? Remember the time when you told me that the things you will never give up is snowboarding and skateboarding. And you were good at it too.
I'm doing okay. Busy but overall okay. It is never easy to be alive and living. You're not sure what is next and when it hits you,it hits you hard with no mercy at all. Sometimes you'd think at being dead is easier than trying to get to the next day.
Everytime I see someone skateboarding or see snow in tv shows, I will think of you and how you love all of these. Ice creams reminds me of you sometimes. Rainy days make me think of you also as both of us love rainy days. Just wish you were here.
Goodnight.
Love you, forever or longer.
Tryphena
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Refusal as it is.
I refuse to see this.
Refuse to accept this.
You've changed.
Yes, I know.
I don't want to see it.
I don't want to understand this.
You are bad for me.
Always have, still is.
You are different back then.
But at least I know you.
I know how to react,
I know what to do.
Now this just doesn't make sense
Everything doesn't add up.
I don't see you anymore
You never bother to call
Everything,
That I've ever known.
Gone.
Poof, just like that.
Yes, you were different
But at least I was attuned to it.
Like someone trying to understand a radio station
Even though it speaks not the language that they know
But they try their best to understand it.
Now it's different.
Everything's different
I'm not going to hold on to you
Just because you pretend to hold on to me.
I don't want to care about you anymore
Even though I know deep inside I still will no matter what
I don't want to believe in you
Don't want you in my life
I want you to be gone from my life
Long gone.
I moved on.
I really did.
Go.
I don't want you.
I don't need you.
Go.
I don't want..
I don't.
I really don't.
Refuse to accept this.
You've changed.
Yes, I know.
I don't want to see it.
I don't want to understand this.
You are bad for me.
Always have, still is.
You are different back then.
But at least I know you.
I know how to react,
I know what to do.
Now this just doesn't make sense
Everything doesn't add up.
I don't see you anymore
You never bother to call
Everything,
That I've ever known.
Gone.
Poof, just like that.
Yes, you were different
But at least I was attuned to it.
Like someone trying to understand a radio station
Even though it speaks not the language that they know
But they try their best to understand it.
Now it's different.
Everything's different
I'm not going to hold on to you
Just because you pretend to hold on to me.
I don't want to care about you anymore
Even though I know deep inside I still will no matter what
I don't want to believe in you
Don't want you in my life
I want you to be gone from my life
Long gone.
I moved on.
I really did.
Go.
I don't want you.
I don't need you.
Go.
I don't want..
I don't.
I really don't.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Time drags on when you're studing chemistry.
So...
I really should be studying Chemistry instead of blogging.
But Chemistry is boring. Sad fact of life.
By the way, tomorrow is the last day of school, and yay, I get to sleep in :)
Wonder what I'll do first. Hmmm, three weeks, aye...
Life's is kinda fair but unfair in a way. Guess it's just nice if I live in the moment of now.
I will continue my studying. Might also burn the midnight "filament" tonight.
Night everyone
I really should be studying Chemistry instead of blogging.
But Chemistry is boring. Sad fact of life.
By the way, tomorrow is the last day of school, and yay, I get to sleep in :)
Wonder what I'll do first. Hmmm, three weeks, aye...
Life's is kinda fair but unfair in a way. Guess it's just nice if I live in the moment of now.
I will continue my studying. Might also burn the midnight "filament" tonight.
Night everyone
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Playlist Medley which now looks like a sad love story.
I opened my eyes last night
And saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay
On the shore
Staring up at the planes
That aren't there anymore
You were my conscience
So solid
now you're like water
And we started drowning
Not like we'd sink any further
Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control
But I know better
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if this as a movie
Stand in the rain outside
Till I came out
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find a way
To end all bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
I'd say, I'd say
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been there all along
Why can't you see
You belong with me
You belong with me
And saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay
On the shore
Staring up at the planes
That aren't there anymore
You were my conscience
So solid
now you're like water
And we started drowning
Not like we'd sink any further
Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control
But I know better
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if this as a movie
Stand in the rain outside
Till I came out
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find a way
To end all bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
I'd say, I'd say
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been there all along
Why can't you see
You belong with me
You belong with me
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Time flies when you're growing up.
**Dedicated to my awesome brother, Aaron**
His face popped up behind me when I was paying for my extra large tutti-fruity slurpee. I looked back, there was my brother standing behind me in 7-11. He said hi with an enthusiasm that I have known for years while he stood there, drenched in sweat after so many rounds of cycling around the neighbourhood.
He has black glossy hair which will point in different directions when it grew out, an impish smile that reflects his inner kid which acts as a contrast to his now less boyish good looks. He has a strong jawline and a straight nose that makes him enviously photogenic. He is considered short as a 16-year old but is slowly gaining height everyday. Despite the gender and age difference, we have the same eyes and the same wacky personality.
We grew up chasing each other around clothes rack and shelves in department stores, fighting over the longest piece of french fry, singing and jamming to the theme song of "Tom and Jerry kids" on top of a trampoline and constructing a "castle" using our bunk beds and blankets. That was about 8 to 10 years ago. Where did time go?
Now I'm 18 with scrapped knees and elbows that came with consistent bicycle falls and amazing hide-and-seek skills that can be only be perfected with years of practices. And he's almost 16 with the most generous heart, amazing technology information in his brain that is obtained somewhere and a pair of hands that can fix anything that has wires and other stuff that I don't know.
I paid for my slurpee while he paid for his RM 10 reload. It then occurred to me that he still had the same mischievous look he has when he was 6. It's nice to know some things don't change or disappear. I got in the car and started the engine. Then, I looked up just in time to see him speeding towards me. In two lightning fast seconds, he swerved with his legs on the ground and did a sharp turn while hitting on the brakes. He finished the stunt with a grace that I rarely see in guys and turned to face me with a smile on his face, looking pleased with himself. For a second, I was stunned and impressed. Cool. And to think that I taught him how to ride a bike about 10 years ago.
With the reload coupon in his mouth, he rode off back home while I drove myself to tuition. We used to ride bikes together. He laughed so hard when I told him I nearly fell into the drain. I used to hide his little plush toy and snickered when he couldn't find it. We used to pretend that we were the Prime Ministers in a parade when we were playing with our bikes and scooters. And somehow, I remember that he used to eat durian when he was younger.
He is different in a way that no one can ever imitate. His love for old songs and funny videos is part of what defines him. The kid in him will always love turtle plush toys and cats. His nerdy side will love anything that processes fast and has the word "beats" on it. Everything about him brings back memories for me and I'm sure for my family too.
As I'm driving, I wondered how different would life be for him and me if I leave for university? I wonder if he would miss me because I know I will miss him, his lame but funny jokes and his retarded and hilarious dances. It'd be weird not to have some one annoying you with songs that you hate and it'd be very quiet without his constant singing in the shower with blasting speakers.
Time flies when you're growing up but he'll always and forever be my little brother no matter how old we both are. So, who says everything has to change?
His face popped up behind me when I was paying for my extra large tutti-fruity slurpee. I looked back, there was my brother standing behind me in 7-11. He said hi with an enthusiasm that I have known for years while he stood there, drenched in sweat after so many rounds of cycling around the neighbourhood.
He has black glossy hair which will point in different directions when it grew out, an impish smile that reflects his inner kid which acts as a contrast to his now less boyish good looks. He has a strong jawline and a straight nose that makes him enviously photogenic. He is considered short as a 16-year old but is slowly gaining height everyday. Despite the gender and age difference, we have the same eyes and the same wacky personality.
We grew up chasing each other around clothes rack and shelves in department stores, fighting over the longest piece of french fry, singing and jamming to the theme song of "Tom and Jerry kids" on top of a trampoline and constructing a "castle" using our bunk beds and blankets. That was about 8 to 10 years ago. Where did time go?
Now I'm 18 with scrapped knees and elbows that came with consistent bicycle falls and amazing hide-and-seek skills that can be only be perfected with years of practices. And he's almost 16 with the most generous heart, amazing technology information in his brain that is obtained somewhere and a pair of hands that can fix anything that has wires and other stuff that I don't know.
I paid for my slurpee while he paid for his RM 10 reload. It then occurred to me that he still had the same mischievous look he has when he was 6. It's nice to know some things don't change or disappear. I got in the car and started the engine. Then, I looked up just in time to see him speeding towards me. In two lightning fast seconds, he swerved with his legs on the ground and did a sharp turn while hitting on the brakes. He finished the stunt with a grace that I rarely see in guys and turned to face me with a smile on his face, looking pleased with himself. For a second, I was stunned and impressed. Cool. And to think that I taught him how to ride a bike about 10 years ago.
With the reload coupon in his mouth, he rode off back home while I drove myself to tuition. We used to ride bikes together. He laughed so hard when I told him I nearly fell into the drain. I used to hide his little plush toy and snickered when he couldn't find it. We used to pretend that we were the Prime Ministers in a parade when we were playing with our bikes and scooters. And somehow, I remember that he used to eat durian when he was younger.
He is different in a way that no one can ever imitate. His love for old songs and funny videos is part of what defines him. The kid in him will always love turtle plush toys and cats. His nerdy side will love anything that processes fast and has the word "beats" on it. Everything about him brings back memories for me and I'm sure for my family too.
As I'm driving, I wondered how different would life be for him and me if I leave for university? I wonder if he would miss me because I know I will miss him, his lame but funny jokes and his retarded and hilarious dances. It'd be weird not to have some one annoying you with songs that you hate and it'd be very quiet without his constant singing in the shower with blasting speakers.
Time flies when you're growing up but he'll always and forever be my little brother no matter how old we both are. So, who says everything has to change?
Monday, August 1, 2011
UPDATES!! *Might be random*
It's been a long long long long time since I've blogged so I will fill in some details about my life right now.
1. I love doing maths at the moment.
2. I am very annoyed with ammonia because they make me dizzy everytime I use them during lab practical.
3. I am trying to study this time because I have no reason to fail. CHEERS!
4. I need to stop staying up past midnight.
5. Need. To. Stop. Eating. IF. Possible.
6. Time is too fast.
7. I don't want to grow up.
8. The idea of having a younger brother who is two years younger than me is growing on me and I'm starting to love it.
9. Trials up coming up in September.
10. 80 days till AS exam.
11. I have tan lines.
12. I really should sleep.
13. Guys are really stupid, ignorant, idiotic, egoistic, clueless, oblivious and so on. Sometimes.
14. I miss worrying about what games to play with my friends.
15. I really really don't wish to grow.
16. I don't miss her anymore. I'm happier now.
17. I have amazing friends that make me smile just by being there.
18. My family is really weird. But in a good way.
19. I really should be sleeping now.
20. I feel like writing another entry. Hahahahahahahahaha..
Told you it was random xD
1. I love doing maths at the moment.
2. I am very annoyed with ammonia because they make me dizzy everytime I use them during lab practical.
3. I am trying to study this time because I have no reason to fail. CHEERS!
4. I need to stop staying up past midnight.
5. Need. To. Stop. Eating. IF. Possible.
6. Time is too fast.
7. I don't want to grow up.
8. The idea of having a younger brother who is two years younger than me is growing on me and I'm starting to love it.
9. Trials up coming up in September.
10. 80 days till AS exam.
11. I have tan lines.
12. I really should sleep.
13. Guys are really stupid, ignorant, idiotic, egoistic, clueless, oblivious and so on. Sometimes.
14. I miss worrying about what games to play with my friends.
15. I really really don't wish to grow.
16. I don't miss her anymore. I'm happier now.
17. I have amazing friends that make me smile just by being there.
18. My family is really weird. But in a good way.
19. I really should be sleeping now.
20. I feel like writing another entry. Hahahahahahahahaha..
Told you it was random xD
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