Another chapter in life

I got my A level results yesterday and I passed everything!!
You know how some people want to get all A's and they try so hard for it? Yeah, congratulations to them, Most of them get straights A's.
But I'm cool with passes :)
I don't wish to be a doctor, a dentist, professionals or that sort.
Pfft, that is why we have scholars for.
I'm not a scholar or like a brilliant brilliant student.
I just want to live and do something useful with my life.
Sure, saving lives like what doctors do is important but it's just not how I want to live.
Francine said something about making a difference in people's lives.
Yeah, I wanna do something like that,
That's why Oprah Winfrey is like my hero.

She also proved another point to me,
You can do great things even without a guy by your side.
I know most girls have that fantasy of the perfect dress, the perfect guy, the perfect wedding.
You know, it's weird because I never really had that fantasy.
Okay, fine, I can explain.
When I was younger, I hate dresses so no, I can't see myself in a dress then.
Guys, well, I am not the kind with looks that stop traffic.
They say I have personality but then it's all about the looks.
You don't have that, good luck in life.
So yeah, we are friends and there's always no more to it.
I think it's a good thing because I learn how to differentiate from douche bags to idiots
'cause I don't get infatuated enough to be that blind.
Weddings.
When I was younger, it seems like something you would  only see on a show,
the perfect endings I mean.
As we grow older, we see the real stuff going on.
Cheating. Fighting. Abuse. Divorce.
It seemed to me that everything are just made up of empty promises.

Well, that is just my opinion for now.
After all, I'm only 19 and I'm just at the starting line of life.
I don't wish to be tied to this one person when it's time to explore.
I just want to be a girl, at least for a little while.
Long enough for me to know what I want out of this short life.

Oh well, enough ranting.
Back to uni stuff.
Ciao!

Try 

Anxiety.

You don't feel like eating.
You feel like vomiting even when there's nothing in your stomach.
Your head hurts.
You don't feel like doing anything.
Your body is shaking.
You feel like you can't breathe.
You can't sleep or rest.
You can't relax.
Your heart beats like super fast and slow at the same time, like it's even possible.
Your head spins and it throbs.
You can't feel your brain because it's not working.

\

You're just scared, I guess.

I look at you and I'm home.

No. No, you can't... STOP. Please don't go away.
Please? No one has ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you,
I do, look. P . Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do.
It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it.
And-and I look at you, and I... I'm home.
Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't wanna forget.

- Dory

We found love.

It's like you're screaming but no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. And when it's over and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so that you can have the good.

Dearly beloved, if this love only exists in my dreams, don't wake me up.

Photography, ferreal.

 

 

 

 

 

Swoon :3

Me and my love for guys wearing beanies. Sigh.

All stolen from Google.

x

I'll never let go.

Love, the unconditional kind.

They say love is the abstract feeling that we can't explain.
It's something that we feel and we can't stop it.
We love because it's something that we're meant to do.

I think there is a way to explain love,
at least I'm able to explain it in my own way.
I've never really been in love, it's mostly crushes and stuff
but you don't have to be in love that way to know what pure love is.
I've fallen hard for guys but somehow,
I do not believe that I love them in that sense, unconditional, I mean.

I have only felt such love towards my family and my best friend.
To love anyone unconditionally, is just that ability to not stop loving them
even in the hardest of times.
To me, love doesn't always have to involve a guy.
I did not learn to love from a guy, so yeah, it doesn't have to involve a guy.

I love my family, I would do anything for them.
If they need a kidney, I'd give them one because I have two.
I would destroy anyone who would try to hurt them.
Even though arguments between us always arise,we forgave each other as fast as it ended.

My best friend, I guess I'm just lucky to meet her.
My other half, the missing puzzle piece in my life.
I don't have a boyfriend but I'm happy enough when I'm with her.
I don't ask for much.
In fact, if this is all I'm getting, I wouldn't ask for anything more than that.

To love someone, in my own definition,
is to just care with everything that you have.
To love someone is
to put their happiness before your own and not to be selfish with them.
To love someone is
to be there for them no matter the circumstances.
To love is
to know when to fight and when to fight harder,
when to hold on and when to never let go.

I care about my family's safety when they travel without me.
I over think about situations that might happen to them when I'm not around them. 
I worry when my parents are not back from a banquet after midnight.
I get mad when my brother is still out with his friends after his curfew.
I get protective when my little brother complains about the kids who always take food from him.

I worry about my best friend when she tells me she has to work past midnight.
I stay up until I get a text from her telling me that she's safe home.
I care even when we disagreed and are snapping at each other.
I get so protective that I want to shield her from everything that might hurt her because she was so upset.
I know I still care despite all the feuds because I want to have her in my life.

Love is not about spending the rest of your life with that one person.
Love is something that consumes you completely.
It is something that you don't question question nor do you doubt.
Love is something that gives you strength to keep holding on
no matter how much it hurts.
It is something that you does not need a reason for.

There are a lot of definitions but here's my last, for now.

\

I hug you and tell you I love you even after the worst of disasters because there are no reasons for me to stop loving you.

That, to me is what unconditional love is.

Youtopia

For my Oompa Lumpa.

I can feel you in the rising tide
Can you feel me by the fire side
From the moonlight
Through the cherry trees
Open the roof and take in the view
'Cuz you're my sweetest dream
Come true

Colour the dusk, deep navy blue
And try to be brave
Cause I'll be right beside you
There's a world so high
Hold out your hands
And you can go anywhere
So reach for the stars
Cause I'll be waiting up there
And you can finally fly
Cause you'll be lighter than air

6/8

One day, it will stop hurting.
One day, I'll forget you.
One day, I'll be able run and be rid of you.