Crazy.

I don't know what's going on in my head. I have been feeling so much rage. I feel like I might explode. If it's not rage, I want to die. The smallest things make me explode. I am in between the scale of not caring and caring. When I care, I am aware of how mad I get when things don't go accordingly.

The problem is, I have noticed that I have been losing my temper more and more over the weeks. This is evident with my relationship. I yell and shout. Now that I am level-headed, I am so scared of what I might be capable of when I am in the middle of a rage because I have seen what I can do in my head. Given that situation, I really really do not care if I killed them. The phrase "killed someone in a rage" is true. I am scared.

Something is wrong with me. I knew that before but right now, something is seriously wrong with me. When I get mad now, I fly into a rage almost always. This hasn't happened before. Yes, I become unreasonable but I was never anywhere close to this kind of rage. The worst part is that my logical part says "Look, this is a reasonable situation, there's no need to be mad" but the emotional part doesn't listen to it. I just get angrier and angrier. I feel it grow inside of me but I have no control over it.

I feel scared because I don't know what is going on with me. I feel scared because I don't want to end up hurting someone I love.

Rage

Sometimes I feel it bubbling inside of me,
like a ticking bomb, a land mine.
A slight pressure, at the right time, wrong time,
Boom.
Casualties everywhere.
You know what's the worse part,
I don't care.

I could snap your neck,
stab you in the chest,
rip out your throat,
break your arms,
crush your legs.
I could cause you so much pain,
look you in the eye,
and not feel a thing.

Remembering when I was 22.

It scares me that I might not be able to remember what I am feeling now when I am 80. Right now, I am sitting listening to the cheesy songs about dancing under trees. Right now, I am undeniably in love. Right now, she is my everything and I would give up a lot if it meant that I could get a proper chance with her. Right now, I love her with everything that I have.