I can't say I'm in love with you.

I can't say that I'm in love with you
but when I close my eyes,
I imagine you lying next to me,
smelling of fresh laundry and sleep.
The monsters under my bed left me alone when you're there.
They know that you'll save me from
what scares me the most
and why bother, they said.
I wasn't the most superstitious person but after that night,
I called you my dreamcatcher.
If my prayers for miracles could not save me at night,
surely it could not be a coincidence
that your presence chases away what make me stop breathing at night.

Then,
those eyes, god, those eyes.
I forget my own name when I stare into them.
Sometimes, I even forget to breathe,
I wasn't "conscious" when you demanded for my attention.
I snapped back into reality in such a hurry,
suddenly aware of the clanging trays and impatient finger snapping from customers.
You said something about what to do next,
then I lost track of what you were saying
because, those eyes, your eyes..

I really can't say that I'm in love with you
but the idea of someone else holding you hand
makes me feel like the world is going to end.

I can't say that I'm in love with you
but I refuse, refuse...
It had to be you,
I want it to be you.