Things change.

Never though it would be lke this
I was always the one calling
Texting you
Asking you how you were and how things are
Now that I've stopped, as an experiment
The conclusion is what I've expected
No, it was no surprise
But why do I feel disappointed?

You don't call
Nor do you text
You say you understand that I am busy
That you didn't want to disturb me
Or was all these just excuses for you
To not see that you were the one
Too busy for me?

I was the one holding on
I was the one who was never ready to let you go
You, my friend
Were the one that I cannot live without
The one whom I kept on loving like a sister
Despite the numerous times when you wounded me
Was I the one who wanted this friendship
When you showed no interest most of the time
But yet, somehow I feel you want it as badly as me too

The confusion that I cannot understand
Slowly driving me insane
Reasoning and instincts would not let me bleed any longer
Walls were build to keep the hurts away
But tears keep flowing as freely as possible

If I don't hold on,
Will you catch me?
If I let you go as you wish,
Will you come back?
Is there a possilble hope for me to believe
Tht you actually cared
That I actually matter to you
'Cause right now, I don't know what's real
And what's not

You,
Were someone that I do not think I can live without
Then,
It became someone that I stil need in my life no matter what
Now,
I can go weeks without speaking to you
And I don't miss you now

I am not going to be the one
Who is going to reach out
I am not going to be the one who misses you
Because now, I don't anymore
I am not going to be the one
Craving for your company
because honestly,
Things are different now
And I am happy even though it's without you
I am not making the same mistake again
Not going to hope

This time,
It's all you.

Be my reason to love again.

I was blinking my eyes, trying so hard
not to let the tears fall.
A part of me ached, for something
That the other part would not let me have.
I know I am putting myself on the front line
If I take this risk again, with love.
How do I trust something that I feel
But unseen?
Something that may trick me or perhaps
Make me crumble once more?

Do I let you in?
let you love me.
Or keep my distance, so I do not fall
Too hard
And end up trying to stand up, alone.

I love you.
There is no doubt.
It is actually something to me, that
You feel that way too.
I don't wish for a fairy tale ending nor
Do I wish for it to be a movie.
But please, one thing, is all I ask for
Give me a reason to believe again.
Show me why exactly should I love again.
Tell me how should I open up, once more?

Please be my spark of hope
And my reason to love again.