Hello my dear friend,
I am sorry that I haven't been writing. I have been out there, living it up. I have done so much that scares me and makes me feel alive once again. I think you would be so proud of me when I tell you what I have been up to.
The desperation to live has now filled my entire lungs where it is the air I breathe. We have come full circle now. I have spent so much of my life wanting life to end becasue it has grown so unbearable to even dream at times. Can you believe that the dreams of wanting to tell stories have now slowly come into focus and I am going after it?
2025 was a year where I tried and learned what to give up. 10 years ago, 2015 was a year where I crossed a personal milestone of falling in love for the first time. Can you believe that 2025 was the year where I fell in love with life? Funny how things will change if you give it time. Oh, my wrists now decorated with bone white scars. I almost forgot about them. I thank my past self for the pain because without it, I am not who I am today. I am proud of myself.
I am now in the midst of writing scripts of stories that I have come up with, stories that are refined by people who I love and now coming alive line by line. Somehow screaming into the void has brought me here. All those years where I ached to be heard and be seen by just anyone. Now, I am seen world wide by different people.
I have a tiktok account now and I am now at 13.2k followers. It was something that took a complete turn when I least expect it. Now I feel all the stories in me pouring out into the hope where I get to tell these stories. Tiktok has been a solace when I did not have anywhere to go. I have build this all on my own and I believe that this will be a place where I can be proud of myself for. I was not given this. I build this.
And to my twenty two year old self, the world did not change that much when you stopped being sad. You are more than your pain, your loneliness and your scars. The world got brighter and it opened up into windows that you have not seen before. Oh, I love you. Thank you for all the times you were brave. Thank you for all the tears. You have made me brave. Now I jump without heasitation. Your sadness has become fuel. Your heart will ache for different reasons but you are not alone now.
Now we ride motorcycles in Thailand. We tallk in front of cameras about topics we love. Our pain lead us to great people because we jumped. Life has taken a turn and you would be so proud of me. I hope I did you proud and I did right by you. Your pain is not in vain. Your loneliness gave me strength. Things can only go up from here. I will update you again.
