I've been tired, took two cups of tea
and that kept me up a couple of good hours.
I forgot how dawn feels like.
Quiet as a library and chilly as midnight.
God, it must be ages since I've properly taken a deep breath of air that reminds me to live.
My eyes are weary from the lack of rest while caffeine surges through my veins.
I am reminded of how I used to cry while trying not to miss her.
My lungs used to rattle against my rib cage like prisoners dragging cups across prison bars.
By then, it was hard to remember if I wanted to sleep or to die.
I forgot how silence is thick with uneasiness at the sign of first light.
Everything seems to slowly wake up and somehow began with a sense of urgency.
Then, I am reminded that I am running out of time which further pushes me to try to sleep even harder.
I can hear the soft rattling of the air conditioner outside my room.
It seems to grow increasingly louder accompanied with visual dead air.
I swear it becomes deafening as I try to fight it and divert my attention to something else.
I imagined someone stroking the top of my head,
they were humming audibly, my favourite song, yes.
My body began to relax, sinking into the affection that my daydream has shown me.
I invited waves of peace to wash over me.
The dulling ache in my hands stopped along with the rattling of my ribcage.
The anxiety seems to be forgiving today, it didn't tell me that I would be alone for the rest of my life like it always did.
As sleep started to overcome me, it almost felt like I heard faint breathing next to me.
I was certain that I am alone in my room but for a moment there, I silently admitted to myself that I didn't want to be.
Till then.
Yours and always,
Tryphena
