Today,
I realize one thing about myself.
I think, I think,
I think I was never meant to be happy.
I think,
I don't think,
I don't think I will ever stop hurting.
I don't think it will ever stop hurting.
I think,
it's the same, like six years ago,
it's that time again.
I'll say my goodbyes properly.
I'll plan everything.
I think,
It's the end for me.
It's time for that goodbye.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
FINISHED - Challenge Day 8: Write: a love poem … for a non traditional item or person
This is a poem for my bed.
I have spent most nights, most afternoons and all morning
huddled in a mountain of pillows and blankets.
Sometimes I hide under the blankets, pretending to be a hiker,
hiding from the cold on Mount Everest.
Sometimes I pretend I'm in a small cave while under this fluffy fort that I made,
hiding from the rest of the world, half convinced that
if I never left, I will be fine.
My three pillows became my fortress from the dark,
my blanket became my invisibility cloak that shield me from reality.
Wobbly, a birthday present when I was 10,
was my loyal friend.
He, yes, it's a he, he loved me
even when I was all snot and tears.
My bed is a place where I made sense of things,
where I pour our my feelings, staining the whole room with it's darkness.
It is where therapy is sleeping and waking up is another chance to change things.
My bed is where I laughed at the most ridiculous jokes,
and come up with most of my paradoxes.
Home was far away, it was out there and out of reach,
I was sad, it wasn't easy being so far away.
Pillows, that have collected most of my tears and dreams during sleepless nights,
became a place where I rest my head when I give in to my thoughts.
Blankets that have so often imitated the arms of a protective lover,
mastered the art of being there and never letting go.
In my loneliness, they have given me comfort and peace
when there were nothing but storms in my head.
Wobbly, in these silent moments, has given me strength
and hope when all seemed lost.
My bed is the island where I sought help, where solitude was happiness
silence became another genre of music as my bed slowly became home.
Every time when I am exhausted, wounded or overjoyed,
I come back to this nest that I build, in which
I have slowly start to accept, as home.
I have spent most nights, most afternoons and all morning
huddled in a mountain of pillows and blankets.
Sometimes I hide under the blankets, pretending to be a hiker,
hiding from the cold on Mount Everest.
Sometimes I pretend I'm in a small cave while under this fluffy fort that I made,
hiding from the rest of the world, half convinced that
if I never left, I will be fine.
My three pillows became my fortress from the dark,
my blanket became my invisibility cloak that shield me from reality.
Wobbly, a birthday present when I was 10,
was my loyal friend.
He, yes, it's a he, he loved me
even when I was all snot and tears.
My bed is a place where I made sense of things,
where I pour our my feelings, staining the whole room with it's darkness.
It is where therapy is sleeping and waking up is another chance to change things.
My bed is where I laughed at the most ridiculous jokes,
and come up with most of my paradoxes.
Home was far away, it was out there and out of reach,
I was sad, it wasn't easy being so far away.
Pillows, that have collected most of my tears and dreams during sleepless nights,
became a place where I rest my head when I give in to my thoughts.
Blankets that have so often imitated the arms of a protective lover,
mastered the art of being there and never letting go.
In my loneliness, they have given me comfort and peace
when there were nothing but storms in my head.
Wobbly, in these silent moments, has given me strength
and hope when all seemed lost.
My bed is the island where I sought help, where solitude was happiness
silence became another genre of music as my bed slowly became home.
Every time when I am exhausted, wounded or overjoyed,
I come back to this nest that I build, in which
I have slowly start to accept, as home.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Found it on Tumblr.
1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? Umm, that's broken.
2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused? Taken
3: What if I told you that you were pretty? HAHAHAHAHAHA you're funny but thanks
4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? fuck you
5: Are you interested in anyone right now? define interested
6: What are you looking forward to in the next week? classes
7: Do you want to be single? I don't mind
8: Did you go out or stay in last night? Stay in
9: How late did you stay up last night? Until 3?
10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? last night
11: Last three things you had to drink? water, coke and cola light
12: Have you pretended to like someone? Yeah but in friendships
13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?Yeah
14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? umm... no
15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? Yeah, it was
16: Think back five months ago, were you single? Nope, was never exactly single for the last 5 years
17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? At the mall
18: Hold hands with anyone this week? Yeahh
19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Nope
20: What would you name your future daughter? Hayley/Taylor
21: Do you miss anyone? Yeah
22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? Nope, not that kind of person
23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? bed but it was my little brother
24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?Pretty good
25: Have you ever cried from being so mad? Yeah..
26: Who did you last see in person? My new roommate
27: Are you listening to music right now? Yup
28: What is something you currently want right now? Harry
29: What is the last thing you said out lot? I'm singing
30: How is your heart lately? It hurts but I'm fine
31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? yeah
32: Are you wearing socks? nope
33: What do people call you? Try, Tryphena
34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? yeah, if he wasn't asleep
35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? There were plenty
36: Who did you last share a bed with? My little brother
37: Did you do something bad today? Not exactly
38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? The day i left for KL
39: Do you get stressed out easily? Not really
40: Will you sing today? singing now
41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? Not really
42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? Francine or Harry
43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? Nope
44: What are you listening to right now? Taylor Swift - Our Song
45: What is wrong with you right now? I'm just homesick
46: What is on your wrists right now? Scars LOL
47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wear? I bought it
48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? Neither
49: Do you make wishes at 11:11? No
50: Are you a good artist? No, I can't draw
51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? It can be
52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? Not exactly
53: Ever been on a golf cart? Yeah
54: Do you have trust issues? I guess
55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who? Francine, Harry
56: Do you own something from Hot Topic? Nope
57: Do you use chap stick? Yes
58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Yeahh
59: Do you have a little sister? I wish
60: Have you ever been to New York? One day.
61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Yes :)
62: Have you hugged someone within the last week? yes, I want to go home
63: What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching funny moments of Hannah Montana
64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes
65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Yes
66: Were your last three kisses from the same person? Yes
67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? no
68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? it really depends really.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Tumblr says these are cute questions.
1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My little brother
2. Are you outgoing or shy? outgoing
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My family, my friends from home
4. Are you easy to get along with? usually, yes.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yes
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? People who are able to hold a conversation
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I don't know if I am now
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Harry
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends on who I'm talking about it with
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Francine
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Awesome, I just woke up and I have absolutely nothing to do LOL
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? "The Other Side", "Neon Lights", "Enjoy The Ride", "That's what you get", "Stay The Night".
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Usually I don't mind
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Not exactly
15. What good thing happened this summer? We don't have seasons, it's always summer here
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yeah, definitely
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Not really
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Nay
19. Do you like bubble baths? I can't say that I remember what it feels like but I think I do
20. Do you like your neighbors? Yeah, they are nice people.
21. What are your bad habits? I often forget to brush my teeth before going to sleep
22. Where would you like to travel? New York
23. Do you have trust issues? I'm cautious so I guess
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Definitely eating
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Tummy
26. What do you do when you wake up? Go back to sleep
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter
28. Who are you most comfortable around? Francine
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? It was mutual
30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yup
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Demi Lovato and Josh Hitcherson
33. Spell your name with your chin. My last name is Chin HAHAHAHAHA 5rt0yewhjaq (Tryphena)
34. Do you play sports? What sports? If Muay Thai is a sport LOL
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeah
37. What do you say during awkward silences? So, what are you doing later?
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Him.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Cotton On
40. What do you want to do after high school? Script writer, writer, I'll be in THAT industry
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Not everyone though
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Tired or sad
43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Bottom of the ocean
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? "Oh shit, I am late".
46. What are you paranoid about? People leaving me, or rather losing people
47. Have you ever been high? Not exactly
48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don't exactly have secrets
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Red
51. Ever wished you were someone else? Not now
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my tummy
53. Favourite makeup brand? Maybeline
54. Favourite store? Converse
55. Favourite blog? Don't really have one
56. Favourite colour? Blue and purple
57. Favourite food? Chicken
58. Last thing you ate? Double Spicy Chicken McDeluxe
59. First thing you ate this morning? Cheezles
60. Ever won a competition? For what? Yes, essay writing competition
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nay
62. Been arrested? For what? Nay
63. Ever been in love? I guess
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? It was wet and it scared me. I would take it back.
65. Are you hungry right now? I'm good
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? No
67. Facebook or Twitter? Neither
68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now? No
70. Names of your bestfriends? Francine
71. Craving something? What? Nothing
72. What colour are your towels? Blue
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yup
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I have a lot but only like three matter
75. Favourite animal? Wolves
76. What colour is your underwear? Black
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? It's rather a mood thing
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey
80. What colour pants? Black
81. Favourite tv show? atm, Pretty Little Liars and Glee
82. Favourite movie? mostly independant films
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Karen
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory
87. First person you talked to today? The security guard outside my dorm
88. Last person you talked to today? My housemaster
89. Name a person you hate? I don't hate anyone
90. Name a person you love? Harry
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Everyone
92. In a fight with someone? Nope
93. How many sweatpants do you have? tbh, I have no idea what those are
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Two
95. Last movie you watched? hairspray
96. Favourite actress? Now, Jennifer Lawrence
97. Favourite actor? Josh Hutcherson
98. Do you tan a lot? Nay
99. Have any pets? A dog
100. How are you feeling? Quite at the moment
101. Do you type fast? Quite
102. Do you regret anything from your past? A number of things actually
103. Can you spell well? I'm okay, not great but okay.
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Not exactly
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Nope
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know
107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes
108. What should you be doing? Cleaning my room
109. Is something irritating you right now? not exactly
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes
111. Do you have trust issues? Maybe
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Wow, that was a long time ago. I think Natalie
113. What was your childhood nickname? Ribena
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yup
115. Do you play the Wii? I've played.
116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I do
118. Do you like Chinese food? I do
119. Favourite book? Perls of being a wallflower
120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not exactly
121. Are you mean? I can be
122. Is cheating ever okay? Never
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? I can
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? I do but I don't..?
125. Do you believe in true love? Yes
126. Are you currently bored? Nope
127. What makes you happy? A lot of things, being at home is one
128. Would you change your name? Nope
129. What your zodiac sign? Taurus
130. Do you like subway? I used to
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? HAH, never happened
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Francine
133. Favourite lyrics right now? In the beginning, I never thought it would be you
134. Can you count to one million? Can you?
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? "Trust me I'm okay with it."
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed
137. How tall are you? 5'5
138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy
139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette
140. Summer or Winter? Summer
141. Night or Day? night
142. Favourite month? May
143. Are you a vegetarian? Nope
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? White
145. Tea or Coffee? Tea
146. Was today a good day? It was okay
147. Mars or Snickers? Mars
148. What’s your favourite quote? Just because people don't love the same way you do, doesn't mean they don't love you.
149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "What is important here is to know that every sentence need.."
2. Are you outgoing or shy? outgoing
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My family, my friends from home
4. Are you easy to get along with? usually, yes.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yes
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? People who are able to hold a conversation
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I don't know if I am now
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Harry
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends on who I'm talking about it with
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Francine
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Awesome, I just woke up and I have absolutely nothing to do LOL
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? "The Other Side", "Neon Lights", "Enjoy The Ride", "That's what you get", "Stay The Night".
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Usually I don't mind
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Not exactly
15. What good thing happened this summer? We don't have seasons, it's always summer here
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yeah, definitely
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Not really
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Nay
19. Do you like bubble baths? I can't say that I remember what it feels like but I think I do
20. Do you like your neighbors? Yeah, they are nice people.
21. What are your bad habits? I often forget to brush my teeth before going to sleep
22. Where would you like to travel? New York
23. Do you have trust issues? I'm cautious so I guess
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Definitely eating
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Tummy
26. What do you do when you wake up? Go back to sleep
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter
28. Who are you most comfortable around? Francine
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? It was mutual
30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yup
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Demi Lovato and Josh Hitcherson
33. Spell your name with your chin. My last name is Chin HAHAHAHAHA 5rt0yewhjaq (Tryphena)
34. Do you play sports? What sports? If Muay Thai is a sport LOL
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeah
37. What do you say during awkward silences? So, what are you doing later?
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Him.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Cotton On
40. What do you want to do after high school? Script writer, writer, I'll be in THAT industry
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Not everyone though
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Tired or sad
43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Bottom of the ocean
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? "Oh shit, I am late".
46. What are you paranoid about? People leaving me, or rather losing people
47. Have you ever been high? Not exactly
48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don't exactly have secrets
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Red
51. Ever wished you were someone else? Not now
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my tummy
53. Favourite makeup brand? Maybeline
54. Favourite store? Converse
55. Favourite blog? Don't really have one
56. Favourite colour? Blue and purple
57. Favourite food? Chicken
58. Last thing you ate? Double Spicy Chicken McDeluxe
59. First thing you ate this morning? Cheezles
60. Ever won a competition? For what? Yes, essay writing competition
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nay
62. Been arrested? For what? Nay
63. Ever been in love? I guess
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? It was wet and it scared me. I would take it back.
65. Are you hungry right now? I'm good
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? No
67. Facebook or Twitter? Neither
68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now? No
70. Names of your bestfriends? Francine
71. Craving something? What? Nothing
72. What colour are your towels? Blue
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yup
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I have a lot but only like three matter
75. Favourite animal? Wolves
76. What colour is your underwear? Black
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? It's rather a mood thing
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey
80. What colour pants? Black
81. Favourite tv show? atm, Pretty Little Liars and Glee
82. Favourite movie? mostly independant films
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Karen
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory
87. First person you talked to today? The security guard outside my dorm
88. Last person you talked to today? My housemaster
89. Name a person you hate? I don't hate anyone
90. Name a person you love? Harry
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Everyone
92. In a fight with someone? Nope
93. How many sweatpants do you have? tbh, I have no idea what those are
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Two
95. Last movie you watched? hairspray
96. Favourite actress? Now, Jennifer Lawrence
97. Favourite actor? Josh Hutcherson
98. Do you tan a lot? Nay
99. Have any pets? A dog
100. How are you feeling? Quite at the moment
101. Do you type fast? Quite
102. Do you regret anything from your past? A number of things actually
103. Can you spell well? I'm okay, not great but okay.
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Not exactly
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Nope
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know
107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes
108. What should you be doing? Cleaning my room
109. Is something irritating you right now? not exactly
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes
111. Do you have trust issues? Maybe
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Wow, that was a long time ago. I think Natalie
113. What was your childhood nickname? Ribena
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yup
115. Do you play the Wii? I've played.
116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I do
118. Do you like Chinese food? I do
119. Favourite book? Perls of being a wallflower
120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not exactly
121. Are you mean? I can be
122. Is cheating ever okay? Never
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? I can
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? I do but I don't..?
125. Do you believe in true love? Yes
126. Are you currently bored? Nope
127. What makes you happy? A lot of things, being at home is one
128. Would you change your name? Nope
129. What your zodiac sign? Taurus
130. Do you like subway? I used to
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? HAH, never happened
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Francine
133. Favourite lyrics right now? In the beginning, I never thought it would be you
134. Can you count to one million? Can you?
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? "Trust me I'm okay with it."
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed
137. How tall are you? 5'5
138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy
139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette
140. Summer or Winter? Summer
141. Night or Day? night
142. Favourite month? May
143. Are you a vegetarian? Nope
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? White
145. Tea or Coffee? Tea
146. Was today a good day? It was okay
147. Mars or Snickers? Mars
148. What’s your favourite quote? Just because people don't love the same way you do, doesn't mean they don't love you.
149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "What is important here is to know that every sentence need.."
Challenge Day 7: Write Poetry: about your heart—not what it does or who it loves, but the odd and weird stuff it is made of
The heart, you see,
it's a peculiar thing.
It is made out of the same things that help our arms move,
but yet, it beats by itself.
I don't get it, how does walls of muscles,
the same things we eat if it's on a cow,
move by itself?
I heard it's very tough, this muscle.
The shape is about the size of our fist,
dont'cha know?
After googling, I found out
the human heart is indeed the size of our fist
but it is pear-shaped.
See, pears are good for our health,
our hearts, pffttt, same thing.
I was also informed that
this muscle, the ones we eat if it's on a cow,
is special with a name of myocardium.
Similar to us when we cover ourselves over the head with a blanket,
the heart has a double-layered pouch,
in which smart people who discovered it had named it a pericardium,
instead of just calling it a heart pouch.
I think they just like to sound smart.
If you ask me what is this pouch for,
I'm guessing that it's to protect the heart's money
or it's for the same reason
we bury ourselves in a blanket when we were six.
it's a peculiar thing.
It is made out of the same things that help our arms move,
but yet, it beats by itself.
I don't get it, how does walls of muscles,
the same things we eat if it's on a cow,
move by itself?
I heard it's very tough, this muscle.
The shape is about the size of our fist,
dont'cha know?
After googling, I found out
the human heart is indeed the size of our fist
but it is pear-shaped.
See, pears are good for our health,
our hearts, pffttt, same thing.
I was also informed that
this muscle, the ones we eat if it's on a cow,
is special with a name of myocardium.
Similar to us when we cover ourselves over the head with a blanket,
the heart has a double-layered pouch,
in which smart people who discovered it had named it a pericardium,
instead of just calling it a heart pouch.
I think they just like to sound smart.
If you ask me what is this pouch for,
I'm guessing that it's to protect the heart's money
or it's for the same reason
we bury ourselves in a blanket when we were six.
Challenge Day 6: Write Poetry: with “I remember sentences
Well, this Sarah Kay challenge is suppose to be an 8-day thing and I managed to make it a two-months thing. This is my first post in 2014 and not to be cliche. 2014 feels different, like there is hope..? I don't know, I just feel different by the near end of 2013 and in 2014, I feel like I can be on top of the world. It's almost like I have a choice to be invincible. It's an unbelievable feeling.
ANYWAYS,
Being away from home was the biggest challenge for me in 2013 and it was the biggest change of my life. it was my first time, dealing with something that is so drastic. I still feel homesick but the first time of this, it was terrifying. Going home has never felt so good in my life.
here is the poem.
I remember how it felt
to pack up my books, my clothes,
pieces of myself,
my whole bedroom,
my existence into boxes,
luggage, which will be shipped off
to where I will spend the next three years of my life
trying to make something out of myself.
I remember how I felt
when I starting unpacking in my dorm room.
I remember not being able
to fully understand where I was,
why I was doing and when I am going back.
I remember my dorm room, first, smelt of
a mixture of mothballs and perfume.
I remember how hard it was for me
to open the zipper of my luggage.
I remember sobbing,
I remember hyperventilating.
I remember mourning.
I remember hysterical crying, while calling my mum,
begging to come home.
I remember the city being a horrible and big place.
I remember that I was convinced that I will forever,
forever be lost.
I remember meeting new people, they were nice.
I remember how much people here have weird slangs, and again,
convinced that I will never like it.
I remember liking these new people and hating them at the same time.
I remember being jealous that they get to be at home, while it takes me
three hours to fly back home.
I remember crying after I said goodbye to my dad when he came to visit.
I remember always dreaming of home every day, every night.
Then,
I remember things getting better, it was easier to breathe.
I remember my best friend coming over, the city didn't seem so scary.
I remember trying to be okay, I miss home
I remember that I am here to make something out of myself, away from my comfort zone.
I remember that it was never meant to be easy, and I was doing okay.
I remember the first time I was able to fly back.
I remember how it felt to fly back.
I remember how it felt when I landed, smells like home.
I remember being home.
I remember being home.
ANYWAYS,
Being away from home was the biggest challenge for me in 2013 and it was the biggest change of my life. it was my first time, dealing with something that is so drastic. I still feel homesick but the first time of this, it was terrifying. Going home has never felt so good in my life.
here is the poem.
I remember how it felt
to pack up my books, my clothes,
pieces of myself,
my whole bedroom,
my existence into boxes,
luggage, which will be shipped off
to where I will spend the next three years of my life
trying to make something out of myself.
I remember how I felt
when I starting unpacking in my dorm room.
I remember not being able
to fully understand where I was,
why I was doing and when I am going back.
I remember my dorm room, first, smelt of
a mixture of mothballs and perfume.
I remember how hard it was for me
to open the zipper of my luggage.
I remember sobbing,
I remember hyperventilating.
I remember mourning.
I remember hysterical crying, while calling my mum,
begging to come home.
I remember the city being a horrible and big place.
I remember that I was convinced that I will forever,
forever be lost.
I remember meeting new people, they were nice.
I remember how much people here have weird slangs, and again,
convinced that I will never like it.
I remember liking these new people and hating them at the same time.
I remember being jealous that they get to be at home, while it takes me
three hours to fly back home.
I remember crying after I said goodbye to my dad when he came to visit.
I remember always dreaming of home every day, every night.
Then,
I remember things getting better, it was easier to breathe.
I remember my best friend coming over, the city didn't seem so scary.
I remember trying to be okay, I miss home
I remember that I am here to make something out of myself, away from my comfort zone.
I remember that it was never meant to be easy, and I was doing okay.
I remember the first time I was able to fly back.
I remember how it felt to fly back.
I remember how it felt when I landed, smells like home.
I remember being home.
I remember being home.
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