Smiling, after a very long time.

it is not so bad today. I didn't die. Yesterday was good too. Nothing hurts. I like it. I know it's a long shot but I hope things stay that way, at least for as long as it can.

I'll destroy myself so no one else can.

please let me hate you.
let me hate your presence.
let me hate seeing you.
let me just hate you.

because I can't take this pain choking me
and I'm tired of wishing that I could just drop dead.

Angels on earth

And I started crying after reading this.

I know exactly who this person is in my life :)

Scars.

I stroke the wounds that closed up. It gives an oddly calming feeling, allowing me to slowly breathe. Seeing the other scars that gleam silver under white lights, again, it's oddly calming. These parts of myself are the ones that I would not change because I feel like I am not the person that I am now without them. Scars that are etched almost everywhere, left forearm, both wrists, legs and abdomen. They are a part of me.

I've accepted them and they are the flaws that I am okay with and I identify with. I wouldn't say it's a good thing but it is a part of me.

In times of struggle, they seem to be the most beautiful things ever because it reminds me that I am capable of healing.

Tell me that I'm crazy but you don't know what kind of crazy you will be accusing me of.

..

I really, really just want to die

"fine".

hey, how are you?
No, I'm good.
No, really. I'll be fine.
Yeah, it's only depression.
No biggie.
Everything hurts
and it's hard to breathe sometimes
but yeah, 
no biggie.

revelation.

up until now I have sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

In times of loveliness, I learn to hurt physically, whatever it took to nuetralize this monster called feelings. I'd destroy myself bit by bit. They say that it's called chipping away bits and pieces of what's good about you.

You can't chip away or destroy what you don't have.

I try to be content with loneliness, because I don't have to watch you pretend to care while I continue the destruction of me.

I'd rather die than to give someone else the power to destroy me.